Chapter 8

Kildare, Ireland - Friday.

“Fucking whore,” I mutter under my breath as I watch Rae cross the pub and approach the man sitting at the end of the bar whom she has been making eyes at all night. I see Edmund in the corner, but she doesn’t. I have watched him too, watched him watching her like some sick puppy chasing after his favorite toy, but his toy doesn’t want anything to do with him. I consider the knife in my purse, consider ending it here and now.

But that would leave me without the prize, would leave me out in the open for the world to see it was me who had done it. There has to be another way, a better way. I’ll figure it out. I will eliminate her, my only competition and then I will reap the spoils.

* * *

Edmund.

It is just past midnight and I have been sitting here in the pub watching her all night. She hasn’t spotted me, is too concerned with the man she has herself draped over now to notice me here in the corner. It makes me sick, one night she is in my bed the next she will fall into another with any man she can find.

I make the decision before I even realize I’ve done it, and I’m on my feet making my way across the pub.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing, kitten?” I purr in her ear and watch her freeze. Looking up I see the confusion spreading across the face of the man sitting on the barstool with her on his lap.

“Who the fuck are you?” he asks me, his sour breath smells of beer and I know I’m about to be in for a fight if I don’t handle this the right way. I hold my finger up to him, “I was speaking to the lady.”

Rae turns and looks at me, her face is white as a sheet and I know she was not expecting to see me here.

“What’s wrong, kitten? Cat got your tongue?” I wink at her, taking her by the elbow and helping her off the lap of the drunk at the bar.

“Edmund!” She finally finds her words and says my name, it sounds so sweet coming from her lips and I’ll make sure she is screaming it again before the night is out.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” she snarls at me.

“I just asked you the same question, Rae. I thought we had a deal?”

“You… We… You don’t know what I’m doing here. We do have a deal. This is different.” She cocks her hip out to the side and puts her hand on it.

“How exactly is this different?” I raise an eyebrow and wait for her response. My scalp prickles, fingers still digging into her arm.

“I can’t tell you. Not here. Come on… sir,” she hisses the word out at me, her nostrils flaring. “Let’s go.” Snagging her purse off the counter she turns, jerking from my grip and storming off toward the door.

The idiot whose lap she was on just sits dumbfounded and I shrug at him before I follow her out of the pub.

“Rae, stop,” I call after her as she storms down the sidewalk in the direction, of what I’m not sure. “Where are you going? Did you even drive here? Rae! Stop!” I raise my voice, turning it into a command and I watch the effect that it has on her, she immediately stops dead in her tracks and I smile. Good, I think. She has me under her skin too.

* * *

Rae.

I turn and glare at Edmund, he stands under the streetlight behind me and I’m fuming. He lost me my treat and I’m livid. I lick my lips, my fangs digging into my bottom one, fingernails bite into my palms. I just glare at him.

“What right do you have to follow me, Edmund? What do you think is going on between us? You know damn well, you said it yourself even, I fall into bed with every man I can get a chance at. What the fuck makes you think you’re any different?” He flinches at my words, nearly imperceptibly, but I catch it. I feel bile rise up in my throat. I didn’t mean it, didn’t mean to hurt him. I’m angry and not even at him, at myself for what I was doing here.

Edmund closes the gap between us. “Tell me what is going on, Rae. This isn’t you. You’re not one to yell and scream at people in the middle of the street. This clearly isn’t about us. You said you’re here for something else? You weren’t going to go to bed with that guy. I know you weren’t. You can’t, you’re covered in my bruises and bite marks. So what the fuck is going on?”

Tears fill my eyes, the truth is stuck in my throat and I gag on it. I can’t tell him. He will hate me, despise me, and want nothing to do with me. It will ruin everything when he realizes how broken I am.

“Tell me, Rae.” His voice softens and I look up at him, tears filling my eyes.

“I’m feeding.” I croak out the words so softly, I see him lean in to hear me, even though we both know he doesn’t have to. His wolf hearing is so good that I know, if he was in the pub for long, he would have heard every word I told the guy I was targeting.

Rubbing my hands over my face I hide behind them, I don’t want to look into his eyes, don’t want to see the hatred there for what I’m doing, what I am. I’m weak, I’m sick, twisted even.

“Rae? Please look at me, sweet thing. Don’t hide from me.” Reaching up he takes hold of my wrists and pulls my hands from my face. When he does he slips one hand into mine and pulls me to him on the sidewalk. Wrapped in his arms, I collapse against him and let go of all the bluster, all the anger. I sob into his shoulder. “Let’s get out of here,” Edmund suggests as he rubs my back. I nod at his words, swallow my sobs, and let him lead me down the street to the parking lot where he has his car.

* * *

Rae.

The ride back to the keep is silent, neither of us breathe a word about what happened and my confession. When Edmund parks, I get out of the car and rush into the keep, crossing the great hall and making my way toward the stairs. I feel his hand on my shoulder as I reach the bottom of the stairs. When I turn to face him, my anger rolling off me still, he grabs me around the waist and tosses me over his shoulder. Then turning and heading for the second set of stairs that leads to his apartment.

I beat him on the back the entire way, silently protesting against him, afraid to wake anyone in the house, but needing him to know I am pissed at being manhandled this way. When he reaches his apartment and kicks the door closed behind us he doesn’t put me down, instead he carries me down the hall to his bedroom.

Tossing me down on the bed, he moves quickly, and I am almost instantly cuffed to the headboard. He had this planned, knew he would drag me back here kicking and screaming. I fight against the restraints, knowing I’m not human and the probability of my being able to break free of them is fairly high, forgetting that Edmund knows I’m not human and would have taken this into consideration as well.

“Jackass!” I spit at him.

“You can be a brat all you want, kitten. It is only a turn on and makes me want you more. But first we are going to talk about tonight. What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Who else knows about this, Rae?” He is shouting at me. I clam up, pouting at him from my spot on the bed. My hair a mess around my face, arms above my head, I sit with my knees bent and dig my heels into the bed pushing myself back against the headboard, scooting away from the spot he perched himself at the side of it.

I glare daggers at him, waiting for him to go on. It is none of his damn business what I do or who knows about it.

Switching tactics he comes closer to me, his hand rubbing up my leg, my dress is hiked up and when he reaches my thigh I hiss at him like a cat. Back arched trying to pull away from him more, I show him my fangs and my nostrils flare.

“Kitten, don’t be like that,” he coos at me.

I laugh in his face, “Don’t call me that, Edmund. We’re not some… thing now, just because I let you get in my pants.”

“Don’t think that I don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve got your hackles up and you’re all pissed off because you’ve been found out. I don’t believe for one second, that after you were done with him tonight, you weren’t going to come crawling down here into my bed, begging me to beat your ass for you because you couldn’t get it somewhere else. You’re just angry I tracked you down and dragged you back here.

I look away from him, the truth in his words making my throat tighten.

“So tell me, Rae. What do you honestly think you’re doing? How long did you think you could let this go on before someone noticed or found out—” I start to speak but he holds his hand up to stop me. “No matter how careful you are. Someone will notice, someone will find out, and come looking for you. You’re ten minutes from home for fucks sake, Rae! It’s not like you’re doing it in Dublin where people go missing all the time.”

“I wasn’t killing them,” I tell him, looking down at my knees as I press them together and try to hide the growing wetness between my thighs at being chained to his bed.

“So that makes it all right?”

“No.” I drop my voice lower, feeling the blush spread up over my cheeks as I confess this. I know it’s not all right, know it’s not moral. I just can’t help myself. I don’t give him that excuse though.

“Look at me,” he commands me. When I do I see his eyes glowing amber and know he is fighting his body’s reaction to me being chained to his bed as much as I am. I raise my eyebrow and wait for him to go on. “I’m not angry at you. I’m scared for you. Scared someone will find out, someone will come looking for you, hurt you, and maybe take you away.” Tears sting my eyes and I look away from him.

When he grabs my chin and pulls my face back to look at him, I feel a tear roll down my cheek, my jaw is locked, still being defiant in the whole thing.

“Rae,” he breathes out a heavy sigh, “I wasn’t planning to tell you this right away. Wasn’t planning to tell you and watch you make this implode from the inside out, but you need to know. You need to understand why I’m so scared. Terrified even, of losing you.” I widen my eyes as I listen to him, taking in the look on his face, the way he is looking at me and I already know what he is going to say.

It is why I left this morning, why I went out looking tonight. I’m denying the truth I felt when we were together, the magic between us. Why after so long of searching for it am I denying it now, I don’t know, but the fact is I am.

“I’m your mate,” I tell him what I know he is about to tell me. The look of shock in his eyes, hurt even, makes my heart skip a beat and the butterflies in my stomach get caught in my throat.

“You know?” His jaw drops open.

I squeeze the tears from my eyes. “Only since last night,” I whisper.

Edmund rubs his hand over my cheek and I lean into it, letting him run his thumb over my lips, my jaw, spread his hand behind my neck and pull me to him. Kissing me gently.

“Rae,” he breathes out my name against my lips. I nod at him, swallowing hard.

“I’m sorry.” I cry, letting the tears fall now in earnest, my shame exposed to him. “Unchain me, sir. I’m not going anywhere.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I’m not finished with what I have to say, and even when I am I think I’ll keep you here a while longer. This stops now, tonight, Rae.”

“I can’t.”

“You can, that’s a bullshit answer. I know you can. I’ve seen you live your whole life without it, the past year aside.”

“But now that I know what it’s like, I crave it. All the time.” I drop my head, letting it hang to my chest. I shake it back and forth, so sick with myself and my behavior. “I’m broken, Edmund. I am.”

“You’re not.”

“I’m weak.”

“You’re not.”

“I’m evil.”

“You’re not.” He tips my head up and I look at him through blurry eyes, I see the pain on his face, his eyes full of unshed tears. “Don’t say that. You’re light and perfect and you have such a huge heart. You would be willing to do anything to help anyone, Rae. You’re the strongest woman I know. You’re incredible. This, it’s just a blip. We’ll get through it, together.”

I snort. “Will we?”

“Yes, we will make it a rule. If you break the rules you get punished.”

“That won’t work, I like being punished.”

“Not like that. We will come up with something else, something you don’t like.”

“So like you’re in this, all in? This whole D/s thing? You want to be my Dom, to be with me and have this be a thing?”

“Rae, you just told me that you know I’m your mate. Why would you think that I don’t want to be in this with you?”

“I just told you why!” I shout at him, still disgusted with myself.

“Okay, another rule. Stop yelling at me. I’ll handle you being a brat and your sass on the regular because I know that is who you are. But if you don’t stop yelling at me, Rae, I’m going to take you over my knee and take a belt to that fine ass of yours until you can’t sit down for a week.”

“Yes, sir,” I scoff at him, knowing he won’t be happy with my tone, but not caring at all.

“Good. I’ve made myself clear?” he asks, while running his hand up my calf to my thigh.

“Crystal,” I reply as I jerk my leg away from him.

“Fine,” he says as he pulls his hand from me.

“Fine,” I finish, and we sit in silence then for a long while.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Edmund asks me, finally breaking the silence.

“You sound like Gus.”

“Gus knows!” he bursts out, standing from the bed. “He didn’t say anything to me.”

I watch as he paces the room.

“Why would Gus tell you? I asked him not to tell anyone…” I trail off, Gus’s words from earlier in the day coming back to me. Did he finally tell you? “How long have you known, Edmund? How long has Gus known I’m your mate?”

“Only for a year.”

“A fucking year!” I jerk on my restraints, trying to get my hands free to wring his neck. “You’ve known for a year and kept this from me?”

“I was giving it time. I wanted you to find out on your own, but I couldn’t stand watching you with those other men, picking you up every night or every other night. One-night stand after one-night stand.” I see the pain in his eyes when he tells me this and I hate myself even more for hurting him this way.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I didn’t know, Edmund. I never would have—”

“Never would have done it?” he cuts me off. “Yes you would have, you just would have called Ciara instead of me, and I still would have had to watch you every night hanging all over them in the bar.”

“You watched me?”

“Every night, kitten.”

I fall silent, not knowing what to say or where to go from here.

“I had to make sure you were safe, I’d have stepped in long before now if at any time I didn’t think you could take care of yourself.”

I chew on my lower lip. “Can you please untie me now?” I want to touch him, want to explore his body with my hands and tell him I am sorry for the pain I’ve caused him. “I’m not going anywhere. I want to hold you, Edmund.” I tell him the truth about my motives.