Chapter 45

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The silence that met us as we walked into the funeral home was so thick that I wasn’t sure if anyone was even there. It wasn’t until the high leader appeared from a pair of double doors in the back that the anxiety spiked. This was real. Too real. I wasn’t sure if I could go any further.

“Main Master.” His head bowed and tears made the room blur as West practically pulled me toward him. To hear West called that when I’d spent the last few years knowing it was Bram was a slap in the face. I was awakened to the nightmare that was my life and the truth was too much.

“High Leader.”

West glanced around the room, shaking his head. Tears pooled in his own eyes and my lids narrowed through the anger. He didn’t care that Bram was dead. Not like I did. I’d heard the coldness he harbored. I knew his plans and how he was going to destroy everything Bram had worked so hard for.

“If you’ll come this way. The viewing is almost over. You made it just in time. They’re about to close off the room from any more guests.”

Lyle turned and we followed him into an elaborate room. Chairs were on both sides of the long aisle and a few people were sitting. Guards surrounded the back part of the casket, and one was even leaning over the top, bowing his head.

Wetness slid down my cheeks and I sniffled to try to hold in the sob that was on the verge of leaving me. The closer we got, the harder it was to continue. My body wanted to collapse to the floor. To curl into itself and never move again.

“He fought hard in his last moments when they turned off the machines. I wasn’t sure he was going to go.” The high leader took a shuddering breath and a whimper left my lips. Bram’s face came into view and unknowingly in my moment, I reached out, grabbing Lyle’s forearm so I wouldn’t fall. I knew West had me, but I was reaching for trust. To loyalty as I held to our high leader.

“Shh,” West whispered. “It’s okay.”

But it wasn’t. He was there. Dead.

“Allow me to take care of her while you say your goodbyes.”

Lyle reached for me and West hesitated before he nodded. The high leader led me to the side and West walked a few feet ahead. The guard stepped to the side, going back into position at the foot of the closed casket. I could only see Bram from the chest up and I wanted to open the entire thing and crawl inside with him. I didn’t want him to leave me. There was nothing left. Nothing but the children. They were the only reason I wasn’t grabbing the guard’s gun and joining the man who had my heart.

The grip on my shoulder eased me around. Lyle’s handsome features were so full of emotion that they fed mine.

“I loved him,” I whispered. “This isn’t real. It can’t be. Bram’s not dead.”

“I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you, but I have something. Something I think Mr. Whitlock would have wanted you to have. I had it brought in shortly after the accident so I could read it to him. I used to see him with the book quite often. I think you should read it, too.”

The high leader gestured with his head and another guard walked forward, handing me over a black hardcover book. One I’d seen before … the same day he’d been stabbed.

“When you get lonely, or times are hard, I want you to go somewhere where you’re alone and read this.” He glanced at West, coming back to me. “There’s a particular poem he enjoyed in the middle. I marked the page for you. Read it and have hope. Hope, above all things.” His finger lifted, pushing under my chin to lift my head higher. “Stay strong, Mistress.

Don’t let them see your fear.”

The words left my lips parting. He’d said the same thing to me at the auction. My head was spinning and it all felt like a dream. I nodded, squeezing the book to my chest.

“Come say goodbye, Mistress.”

As he led me to Bram’s casket, I couldn’t stop the tears from coming again. The high leader let go, leaving me as he called West over a few feet away.

“B-bram?” Hesitantly, I reached forward, leaning in close. My free hand cupped his smooth cheek and my chest shook as I lowered to rest my forehead against his. “I want to stay with you,” I whispered. “I don’t want to leave. Come back. Come back and I will be the perfect slave to you, I promise. Don’t leave me.” I breathed in deep, still smelling his aftershave. How many times had I breathed him into me, wishing I could keep him there forever? I savored every moment when we were alone. God, I couldn’t do this without him. “Come back. I … I love you. I should have told you that. You should have at least known. You were afraid of hurting me, but you loved me. I know you did. We were going to make things work.

We were going to be happy.”

My fingers brushed back the short hair, gripping for the smallest moment before I lifted, pressing my lips into his unresponsive ones. A hand settled on the middle of my back and I stiffened, raising to stand. West met my stairs with nothing. No emotion whatsoever.

“We should go. They’re closing here.”

I turned back to Bram. What would they do if I begged to stay? If I climbed inside with him and refused to get out. I wanted to. I wanted to hold him shut my eyes and never wake up again.

West looped his arm in mine and I brought the book back to my chest, allowing him to lead me away. With each step, a hollowness began to edge in. The children. They were my only concern now. I’d set them free, consequences be damned.

****

"What is that?”

My eyes opened and I curled more into a fetal position as I brought the book deeper into my chest. I kept waiting for the opportunity to read it, but West was always there. Always talking to me every few minutes.

“Poems. The high leader thought I might like to have it.”

“Bram’s book?” West reached over the bed, pulling it from my hands. He shuffled through the pages, handing it back to me.

“What does he expect you to do with a book of old poems?”

“I don’t know,” I said, quietly. “My guess is read it.”

West’s head cocked to the side as his lids lowered. “I hope my wife hasn’t decided to get an attitude toward me.”

I swallowed through my raw throat. My eyes ached from crying so much and it was almost impossible to swallow. I didn’t have the strength to fight with West right now. All I wanted was to be alone.

“Of course not. I’m sorry if it sounded that way. I’m tired.”

“You’re upset. You need to bathe and relax. Come.”

I didn’t say anything or move as I met his stare. It was a clear sign to him that I didn’t want to, but he didn’t seem to care as he took the book from my hands and swept me into his arms. When he placed me on my feet outside of the large tub, my hand shot out to stop his advance have two days to decide.”

“You do. But I’m not expecting an answer right now. I’m trying to help the woman I care about. She’s grieving and she shouldn’t be alone.”

He turned me, unzipping the dress. Rage was hammering inside of me, looking for a reason to escape. I held it in while he stepped away and grabbed a long lighter. One by one, he lit the candles surrounding the bathtub. When the lights went out, he started the water. Still, I stood and watched his every move.

“I won’t touch you again. Undress and get in.”