Chapter 40 “Let’s Play, Alpha”
His hand was still on me. Firm, steady, possessive. Just like it always was. For a second, I forgot to breathe. My pulse raced, my breath unsteady as if I had just ran a raise.
I took his hand off slowly, forcing myself to turn around and face him. The hallway was dim, lit only by the thin strip of light from a flickering bulb above. It wasn't bright enough to see him clearly, but I could make out the sharp edges of his jaw, the outline of his shoulders, the shadowed dip of his throat.
Even in the dark, Alpha Dawn had a way of filling a room. He had a way of making everything else fade.
His shirt was slightly unbuttoned at the top, the collar rumpled like he hadn't bothered to fix it. His hair, usually sleek and perfectly combed, fell over his forehead in messy waves. I found myself staring at it, at the way a few strands brushed against his brow.
Before I even realized what I was doing, my hand lifted. My fingers reached out hesitantly, brushing through his tousled hair, trying to smooth it back into place.
He didn't move. He just watched me. His eyes, deep and dark in the almost low light, followed every slow movement of my hand like I was doing something sacred.
"You look terrible," I murmured quietly, breaking the silence before it suffocated me. "I heard you showed up at the meeting this morning like this. Unkempt. Unprepared."
He said nothing. He just kept looking at me.
I swallowed, continuing, "You're the Alpha of this Pack, Dawn. You don't get to appear tardy, no matter how upset you are. Not even for my sake."
My fingers froze in his hair, then fell away. I took a step back, determined not to let his nearness confuse me again. "You should take care of yourself better," I whispered and turned to leave.
But I hadn't even taken two steps before his hand shot out again, gripping my wrist.
"Bambi," he breathed, pulling me back to him. The way he said my name... It wasn't anger, it wasn't authority. It was need. Raw and desperate need.
I turned, meeting his eyes in the dim light. He looked… different. His expression softer than usual. Vulnerable, even.
"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. The words tumbled out roughly, as if they burned his throat. "I'm sorry for last night. I shouldn't have done what I did."
I stared at him, searching his face for sincerity. "Are you ready to tell me what really happened then?"
He went silent. His jaw tightened. His hand loosened slightly but didn't fall away.
When he didn't answer, I let out a small, humorless laugh. "That's what I thought. You can't keep saying sorry if you're not ready to tell me the truth, Dawn. We can't even have a conversation until you're ready to spill it."
But he didn't stop. He stepped closer instead, eyes dark, voice low. "Bambi, I'm serious. You need to forgive me. Please. I can't go one more day without you."
My breath hitched. "You're lying," I said quietly, though my heart trembled as I said it. "You say things like that because you think it'll make me stay. But your real heart… your real heart belongs to Luna Odessa."
His whole body went still. His eyes widened a fraction, surprise flashing across them before something colder, sharper, settled there. "What?" he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Why would you think that?"
I hesitated. I didn't want to say it, but his stare demanded an answer.
"Celeste," I admitted finally, my voice almost too soft to hear. "She told me you used to be obsessed with her. With Luna Odessa."
He didn't speak at first. The silence between us stretched thin and fragile. It almost became awkward for both of us.
Then, finally, he nodded slowly. "She's right," he said.
That admission hurt more than I expected.
"I did like Odessa," he continued, his voice steady now. "I was young. Foolish. I thought what I felt for her was love, but it wasn't. It was fascination. Obsession, maybe. She was the kind of woman who knew how to make everyone want her. I was one of the many who fell for her act."
He stepped closer, his fingers brushing against my arm, but his gaze didn't waver. "But that was a long time ago, Bambi. I swear to you—it's in the past."
Something twisted inside my chest, it tasted like a mix of fear and hope.
"So what am I then?" I asked softly. "Your present… or your next past?"
His eyes softened instantly, the harshness melting away. "You're not my past," he said firmly. "You're my present and my future."
I shook my head, unsure whether to believe him. "You sound so sure."
"I am sure," he said without hesitation. "The love I had for her, if you could even call it that, was nothing compared to what I feel for you. What I feel for you…" He paused, exhaling shakily, his fingers brushing against my jaw this time. "It doesn't make sense to me. It started with nothing—just physical. All we did was touch, fight, burn, intimacy, skin on skin—and somehow I can't get you out of my head. You crawl into every thought, every breath."
His voice broke slightly as he said the next words. "You're the air I breathe, Bambi. Without you, I don't know what living feels like anymore."
I blinked back tears I didn't even realize had gathered. His words came like fire and comfort at once, burning and soothing all at the same time. Does that even make any sense? I have officially gone bad. Alpha Dawn has driven me mad.
He took my hands and pressed them to his chest, right over his heart. I could feel its wild rhythm beneath my palms. It was fast, one I had never felt before. I was dazed. Was this for me? "This," he said, voice rough, "this beats because of you."
Something in me gave way then. All the walls I had tried to build, all the reasons I'd given myself to stay distant, they just crumbled.
I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my face against his chest, taking in his scent. I found comfort in the texture of his chest. It felt like home. The scent of him—rain, musk, power—flooded my senses. I felt him tense for a second before his arms came around me too, pulling me in tighter.
"Me too," I whispered against his shirt, the words trembling with everything I felt but couldn't explain. "I don't know how it began, but I love you too."
"I can't even bring myself to run away if I wanted. Please, don't leave me like you left Odessa.
He withdrew slightly, palmed my cheek, eye contact intact and he said with determination, "I swear on my life, I won't."
I nodded and wrapped my arms around him again.
This time, his arms tightened, his breath shuddering against my hair. For the first time, I felt him soften completely. There was no walls, no control, just him. Just us.
We stood there for a long while, wrapped in silence and each other. The faint bass of music from the club was distant now, replaced by the slow, steady rhythm of his heartbeat against my ear.
After a moment, he pulled back slightly, his hands still resting on my waist. His eyes were darker now, but not with anger, rather with emotion.
"I don't deserve you," he said quietly.
I looked up at him, shaking my head. "Maybe not. But I'm here anyway."
His lips curved slightly just enough to show a shadow of a smile. "That's what scares me," he murmured.
I traced the line of his jaw gently with my thumb. "Then stop being scared. Just be honest with me. That's all I ask."
He nodded slowly, leaning down until his forehead rested against mine. His breath was warm, his voice even warmer. "Then stay with me tonight," he whispered. "Not because I command it but because you want to."
My heart fluttered. I didn't answer with words. I just leaned in, closing the distance between us.
Our lips met softly at first, tentative, uncertain. Then the kiss deepened, slow and full of every unspoken thing between us. He pulled at my lower lips, breaking the kiss briefly to study me. He cupped my jaw and caressed it, leaning to kiss my neck tenderly, the feel of his tongue on the nape of my neck causing me to moan soundlessly.
His hand slid into my hair, holding me close, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I let myself feel everything, no resistance, no fear.
His wet tongue swipes over the skin on my neck, licking and sucking. He brings his tongue to my throat and continues licking.
"I meant what I said," he murmured into my throat, his tongue doing wonders on my skin. "You're my air, Bambi. My reason. My everything."
And as much as I knew I should resist, I couldn't. Because deep down, I already believed him. I held onto his hair, caressing gently. "Let's play, Alpha." I whispered.
He paused.
"Let's play until I use the safe word."
He withdrew, his eyes dark even in the dim hallway. "Where?"
Yeah, I was indeed mad. "Right here."