Chapter 37 A Memory That Never Existed I
The air between us tensed.
He laid there—Alpha Dawn—his expression unreadable, his voice low and calm as if what he had just confessed wasn't enough to shatter the little balance I had left.
"I can explain," he said, he inched closer to me.
I hopped off the bed immediately, my bare feet hitting the cold marble floor. "Don't," I whispered, my throat tight. "Don't you dare come closer."
He stopped, hands raised slightly as if to show he meant no harm, though his eyes… his eyes were sharp and stormy, filled with something darker than guilt. He got on his feet, watching me in the dark.
"Bambi—"
"Why?" My voice cracked. "Why would you manipulate my memory and put something false there? Why would you make me believe something that never happened?"
He inhaled deeply, the muscle in his jaw flexing. "I was protecting you."
I laughed—a shaky, broken sound that didn't even sound like me. "Protecting me?" I repeated, my voice trembling. "From what, Alpha? From the truth?"
He didn't reply immediately. His gaze dropped to the floor, as though the truth was there somewhere, written on the marble floor, bold enough for him to see.
"Bambi," he finally said, "you wouldn't have survived it if you remembered what happened that night. You weren't ready."
"Stop." I shook my head, my heart pounding against my ribs. "Just stop talking."
"Listen to me—"
"No!" I snapped, voice rising. "You don't get to decide what I should remember or what I shouldn't! You don't get to rewrite my life because you think you know what's best for me!"
He looked at me then, really looked at me, and for a second I thought I saw regret flash in his dark eyes. But it was gone as quickly as it came, replaced by the same cold stare that defined him.
"You're angry. I understand that."
"Angry?" I scoffed, taking a shaky step backward. "I'm terrified, Dawn. Terrified that I don't even know what's real anymore. Was anything you ever told me the truth?"
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came.
I pressed on, the pain in my chest turning to something sharp. "What really happened that night?"
His silence was the only answer I got.
I waited, five seconds, ten, but he just stood there, staring at me, his jaw tight, his hands clenched at his sides.
"You're not going to tell me, are you?" My voice broke.
He closed his eyes briefly. "I can't."
That was it. The last thread holding me together snapped.
"I hate you," I whispered. "I hate you for thinking you could control me like that. For treating my life like it's some story you can edit whenever you please."
He took a slow breath, his voice quieter now. "You can hate me all you want. But I did what I had to do."
"Get out," I said, my voice trembling but firm.
"Bambi—"
"I said get out!"
For a long moment, he didn't move. His eyes searched mine as if trying to find something, maybe forgiveness, maybe understanding. But there was nothing left to give.
Finally, he nodded once. "Whatever decision I made that night," he said quietly, "was the right one."
Then he turned and walked out.
The soft click of the door shutting behind him felt louder than a thunderclap would.
The moment he was gone, my knees gave way. I sank to the floor, the cold digging into my skin as sobs broke free from somewhere deep inside me.
I pressed my palms to my face, but it didn't stop the tears. They came fast, heavy, relentless. Everything poured out, for the truth he kept, for the lies he fed me, and for the ache I didn't even want to name anymore.
I stayed like that for what felt like forever.
\---
I didn't know how it happened and how I made the decision but I met myself in Jasper's quarters the next morning.
His personal library.
Books lined every wall, some open, some stacked carelessly. The fireplace flickered quietly, warming up the place.
The door creaked open, and Jasper walked in. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, hair slightly tousled, a small tray balanced in his hands.
"Well, I'm sorry I kept you waiting, love," he said lightly, setting the tray down on the table beside me.
On it was a plate of small cupcakes and a glass of juice.
I forced a faint smile. "You didn't have to."
"I didn't," he replied, plopping into the chair across from me. "But I figured you might forget to eat again."
I looked at the food but shook my head. "I can't eat right now."
He raised a brow, smirking. "You sure? You look like someone who's about to throw up from morning sickness. Are you pregnant or something?"
I shot him a flat look. "That's not funny."
He blinked at me, then his smirk faded. "You're serious."
I sighed, rubbing my temples. "I'm just not in the mood, Jasper."
He leaned back, studying me for a moment. "Alright," he said finally, tone softening. "What brings you to my quarters, then? It's not every day you show up unannounced. You hate being here. As a matter of fact, you hate being anywhere in the Pack house."
I hesitated, not sure where to begin. My mind was still replaying last night, his words coming back over and over.
"Jasper…" I started quietly. "What was Alpha Dawn like? Before now?"
He blinked, surprised by the question. "Why?"
"Just tell me."
He leaned back, thoughtful. "Relentless," he said after a pause. "Ambitious. Always has been. And cunning. Too cunning for his own good sometimes."
I looked down at my hands. "Was he ever… cruel?"
"Cruel?" Jasper tilted his head. "You mean—evil?"
I nodded slowly.
He frowned, thinking. "I don't know. Maybe. I've seen him do things I can't explain, things I wouldn't have had the stomach for. But… I don't remember enough to say for sure."
"What do you mean, you don't remember enough?" I asked quietly.
He hesitated, his jaw tightening just slightly.
"Jasper?"
He exhaled, looking away. "There's something you should know," he said finally. "About him."
My heart skipped. "What is it?"
He didn't answer immediately. He stood and walked toward one of the shelves, trailing his fingers over the spines of the books like he was searching for courage.
Then, in a low voice, he said, "I don't remember anything before I turned eighteen."
I frowned. "What?"
He turned to face me, his expression heavy. "He erased it," Jasper said quietly. "Alpha Dawn erased my memory from when I was a child—up until I turned eighteen."
The room went silent.
I stared at him, frozen. "He… what?"
"Every piece of it," Jasper continued, his tone flat but his eyes betraying a deep anger. "Our parents, our childhood—gone. I only remember fragments, bits that don't make sense. He said it was for my own good. That I didn't need to remember what came before."
My lips parted, but no words came out. My heart pounded in my ears.
Alpha Dawn didn't just take my memories. He took Jasper's too.
And suddenly, the fear I'd felt last night turned into something else, something colder.
Something like realization.
He wasn't protecting me.
He was hiding something.
Something far worse than I ever imagined.