Chapter 48 One Moment of Weakness
Elena shoved against Pierce's chest again, putting all her weight into it but he barely moved.
"Let me go!" She pushed harder, her hands flat against him, feeling the solid wall of muscle that wouldn't budge.
Pierce caught her wrists gently. "Elena, stop. You're going to hurt yourself."
"I don't care!" She twisted, trying to break his hold. "You can't keep me locked in here!"
"I'm trying to keep you alive.."
"By trapping me in a concrete box?" Elena yanked against his grip, desperate. "I'm going insane in here, Pierce! I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't..."
"I know this is hard..."
"You don't know anything!" The words exploded out of her. "You don't understand what it's like to be ripped away from everything! To be trapped with someone you should hate but can't because you're too stupid to stop feeling things you shouldn't feel!"
Pierce went still. "What?"
"Nothing." She said quickly. "It doesn't matter. Just let me go."
"It does matter to me." Pierce stepped closer, still holding her wrists, his eyes locked on hers. "Say it."
"Why?" She asked, her voice cracked. "So you can use it against me?"
"Because I need to hear you say it." His voice was raw. "Whatever it is you're holding back, whatever you're trying not to feel...I need to hear it."
"You want to know what it's like?" Elena's voice rose, rage and frustration breaking through. "It's torture! Being in this bunker with you, hating you for everything you've done, everything you are, and still..." She tried to pull free but he held firm. "Still wanting you! Still thinking about you constantly! Still loving you despite knowing I shouldn't, despite trying not to, despite everything!"
The words ripped out before she could stop them.
"I love you," her voice was small. "I love you and I hate you for it. I hate that I can't walk away. I hate that being trapped in this bunker with you is torture because you're right here and I can't..." She tried to keep her voice steady. "I can't stop wanting you even though I know I should."
Pierce's grip on her wrists loosened. His eyes went dark, something shifting in his expression and then he kissed her.. His mouth crashing against hers, desperate and consuming.
Elena gasped and Pierce took advantage of that, deepening the kiss immediately, releasing her wrists to cup her face with both hands. One hand slid into her hair, tangling, holding her to him while his other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against his body.
Elena's hands came up to his chest, not sure if she was pushing him away or pulling him closer. Pierce backed her against the door, his body pressing into hers, the kiss turning frantic.
His hand tightened in her hair and Elena made a sound she didn't recognize, her fingers fisting in his shirt. Pierce groaned against her mouth, the sound vibrating through both of them.
He kissed her like he was starving. Like he'd been holding back for weeks and finally broke. His hand left her waist to brace against the door beside her head, caging her in, his hips pressing against hers.
Elena's head fell back against the door and Pierce's mouth immediately found her neck, kissing, biting gently, making her gasp. His hand slid down her side, over her hip, gripping her thigh and lifting her leg around his waist.
This made Elena arch into him and Pierce pressed closer, leaving no space left between them. His mouth found hers again, harder this time, more demanding.
Elena's hands slid up his chest to his shoulders, then into his hair, pulling. Pierce made a rough sound and kissed her deeper, his control slipping.
His hand moved under her shirt, palm flat against her ribcage, warm and possessive. Elena's breath froze and Pierce's grip tightened, his thumb brushing the underside of her bra.
Heat flooded through her. She could feel his heartbeat pounding, could feel how badly he wanted this, wanted her. Could feel herself falling into it, into him, into weeks of desperate need finally finding release.
Pierce's hand moved higher and Elena's hips shifted against his instinctively. He groaned, his forehead dropping to hers for a second, both of them breathing hard.
Then he was kissing her again, his other hand leaving the door to slide into her hair, tilting her head back, claiming her mouth completely.
Elena lost herself in it, in the taste of him, the feel of him, the way he touched her like she was something precious and necessary and his.
His hand slid from under her shirt to her lower back, pressing her impossibly closer. Elena's leg tightened around his waist and Pierce made a sound that went straight through her.
Then reality crashed back in.
Elena's hands pressed hard against his chest, shoving with all her strength.
Pierce stumbled back, caught off guard, breathing hard. "What..."
"Don't touch me." Elena's voice shook with anger and confusion and want she couldn't control.
"You just said you loved me." His voice was rough.
"That doesn't mean you get to kiss me!" Her voice cracked.
"You kissed me back..."
"Because I'm an idiot!" Elena wrapped her arms around herself, trying to stop shaking. "Because for five seconds I forgot what you are and let myself.." She stopped, wiping at angry tears. "You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay!"
"I didn't..." Pierce ran a hand through his hair, looking wrecked. "You said you loved me. What was I supposed to do?"
"Not that!" Elena's voice rose. "Not kiss me like...like..." She couldn't finish.
"Like I love you?" Pierce's eyes were dark. "Because I do. I love you and hearing you say it back after days of silence..."
"It doesn't change anything!" Her voice rose.
"It changes everything..."
"No it doesn't!" Tears where spilling down her cheeks now. "You're still a killer. You're still everything I can't accept and loving you doesn't fix that!"
Pierce stepped toward her and Elena backed against the door. "Don't come near me."
"Elena..."
"I mean it, Pierce. I can't.." Her voice cracked. "I can't think when you're close to me. I can't remember all the reasons this is wrong."
"Maybe that's because they're not good enough reasons." He said quietly.
"They're the only reasons that matter." Elena looked at him, at the man she loved and couldn't have, and felt something inside her break. "I love you. But I still can't be with you."
"Why not?" His voice was cracked.
"Because love isn't enough!" The words tore out of her. "It's not enough to erase what you've done, what you'll keep doing. It's not enough to make me okay with the blood on your hands or the violence in your world or the fact that you'll never change."
Pierce's jaw tightened. "So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying yes, I love you and yes, I want you." She wiped the tears. "But that doesn't mean we can be together."
"That's exactly what it means."
"Not in the real world." Elena's voice dropped. "In the real world, love isn't enough when the person you love is exactly someone you can't accept."
Silence fell between them, heavy and devastating.
Pierce stood there, breathing heavily, looking at her with raw need and frustration and something that looked like desperation.
"So you're just going to keep fighting this?" His voice was rough. "Keep pretending you don't feel what you feel?"
"I'm going to try." She whispered.
"That's not going to work."
"It has to." Elena cleaned her face. "Because the alternative is giving in to you and losing myself completely."
Pierce's hands curled into fists at his sides. "You already gave in. That kiss..."
"Was a mistake." She said, cutting him off.
"No it wasn't." He stepped closer and Elena pressed back against the door. "That kiss was the first honest thing between us in days."
"It was a moment of weakness..."
"It was the truth." Pierce's eyes burned into hers. "You love me. You want me and no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, that's not going to change."
Elena stared at him, breathing hard, feeling the heat still radiating between them despite the space.
"Maybe not," she whispered. "But I'd lose myself in the process and I can't do that. Not even for you."
Pierce looked at her for a long moment, something shifting in his expression. Then he turned and walked away, leaving Elena standing by the door, her lips still swollen from his kiss, her body still aching for his touch.
She'd finally told him the truth. She loved him and it had changed everything and nothing all at once.