Chapter 154 Financial Problems
CAITLYN’S POV
I sat at the kitchen table with all the bills spread out in front of me, staring at them for a long time because I didn't know what else to do with them. The numbers were not adding up no matter how many times I went through everything and that scared me more than I wanted to admit. There was the legal consultation fee from last month and the filing fees and the court preparation costs and then the rent and the groceries and Emma's diapers and formula and everything else that came with having a baby to take care of and when I added it all up the number at the bottom was not good.
I picked up my phone, opened my banking app, and looked at the balance. Then, I put the phone face down on the table because I didn't want to look at it anymore.
Jason was in the living room watching Emma and I could hear him talking to her in that silly voice he used when he was trying to make her laugh and normally that sound made me feel good but right now it just made me feel worse because all I could think about was how we were going to take care of her if we ran out of money.
I lost my job while all the scandal was happening and I had known that was coming because I stopped showing up and I stopped answering calls and the company sent me a termination letter while I was still staying at Tommy's place and I read it and I did not even cry because there was too much other stuff going on at the time but now I was thinking about it again and it felt very real and very heavy.
I used to have a salary coming in every two weeks and now nothing was coming in from my side at all and Jason was doing some work here and there but it was not consistent and it was not enough to cover everything we needed to cover and I knew that but I did not know how to say it out loud to him without it turning into a big conversation that I did not have the energy for.
Jason walked into the kitchen with Emma on his hip and he looked at the bills on the table and then he looked at me and I could tell he already knew something was wrong.
"What is all that," he said.
"Just going through some things," I said and I started gathering the papers up like that would somehow make the problem smaller.
"Caitlyn," he said. "What is going on?"
"Nothing is going on," I said. "I am just trying to figure out how we are going to manage everything."
"What do you mean manage everything," he said and he sat down across from me with Emma still in his arms and he put his free hand on the table like he was ready to have a real conversation whether I wanted to or not.
"The money is running low Jason," I said and I just said it because there was no point in trying to soften it. "I went through everything this morning and we have enough to cover rent next month and maybe the month after that if we are really careful but after that, I do not know what we are going to do."
"How did it get this bad," he said.
"The legal fees," I said. "Every single thing costs money. Every time I have to prepare to testify there is a cost. Every filing. Every consultation. And I have not had any income coming in since I lost my job and I have been trying to stretch what we had saved but it is almost gone."
"Why did you not tell me sooner," he said.
"Because I thought I could handle it," I said. "I thought I could figure something out on my own."
"We are supposed to figure things out together," he said.
"I know that," I said. "But every time I thought about bringing it up there was always something else going on and I did not want to add more stress on top of everything else."
"Caitlyn this is a big deal," he said. "This is not something you should have been carrying by yourself."
"I know it is a big deal," I said and I could hear my voice getting tight. "That is why I was trying to handle it before it got worse."
"But it did get worse," he said.
"Yes, it did," I said and I stopped talking after that because there was nothing else to add.
Emma started making noise and Jason bounced her a little and she settled down and we both just sat there for a minute not saying anything.
"We could ask Tommy," Jason said. "Or your mom. Someone who could help us just until you find another job."
"No," I said right away.
"Why not," he said.
"Because I am not asking anyone for money," I said. "We have already taken enough from people. Tommy let us live at his place for over a month. My mom has already done so much. I am not going to go to them with my hand out."
"It is not like that," Jason said. "It is family. That is what family is for."
"I said no," I said and I said it clearly so he would know I meant it. "I am not doing that. We will figure it out ourselves."
"Then what do you want to do," he said. "Because the bills are real and the bank account is real and we cannot just wish them away."
"I know we cannot wish them away," I said. "I am going to look for a new job. I have already started putting together my resume again and I have a few places I want to apply to this week. It is not going to happen overnight but it will happen."
"And in the meantime," he said.
"In the meantime, we cut back on everything we can," I said. "No eating out. No extras. Just the basics until things get better."
"Okay," he said. "I can do that. But Caitlyn you have to talk to me about these things. You cannot just carry all of this alone."
"I am talking to you now," I said.
"Only because I saw the bills on the table," he said.
"Fine," I said. "You are right. I should have told you sooner. But I am telling you now and we need to figure it out together."
"Agreed," he said. "We will figure it out."
He reached across the table and put his hand over mine and I looked at him and he looked tired and I knew I probably looked tired too and I thought about how much had happened in the past few months and how we were still here and still trying and that was something at least.
"We are going to be okay," he said.
"I hope so," I said and I really did hope so because right now okay felt very far away but I was not going to say that
out loud because one of us had to hold it together and today it was going to be me.