Chapter 126 Chapter 126
AILSA
The moment I stepped out of Lucian’s office, the air felt different. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until my lungs burned. Then it came rushing out in a shaky exhale. My chest ached.
It was not the physical kind of ache but the kind that felt like something inside me had cracked open and left me exposed. Lucian’s anger replayed in my mind.
The way his jaw tightened and his eyes darkened.
The way he buried hitting beneath the fury. And worst of all…The disappointment.
My legs moved on their own accord, down the corridor on instinct, but my mind stayed behind in that office, trapped in the moment his voice rose and the truth spilled into the space between them like poison.
He knows
The realization pressed down on my chest until breathing became painful. I swallowed hard, but it didn’t stop the tears. They fell silently at first, slow and warm, slipping down my cheeks without permission.
I didn’t wipe them away. I didn’t even try. Because deep down, I felt like I deserved it. It was my fault after all.
I reached a quiet hallway before the sob finally escaped. My tears had dried now but my shoulders still trembled.
“I ruined everything…” I whispered.
Guilt wrapped around me like chains. Lucian had given me safety, trust and belonging and I had repaid him with distrust and lies.
My wolf stirred and I was sure to receive a lashing from her. But I couldn’t take any more blame or I would break down.
‘You didn’t ruin anything’ my wolf said softly. I shut my eyes.
“I did” I whispered back refuting her claims.
‘You chose yourself first and that’s all that matters. You had to protect yourself’
My wolf’s voice held quiet strength, but it didn’t soothe the storm in my chest. Because survival didn’t erase the truth and the truth was simple. I had hidden a part of myself from the man I loved.
It doesn’t change the fact that I lied every time. Even my wolf had warned me and I didn’t listen. I wanted to do it at my own time and I wondered if that time ever came.
Lucian’s anger replayed again but this time something else surfaced. A realization. A chilling one that I hadn’t thought of since.
“How long has he known?”
My steps slowed. Memories began to rearrange themselves in my mind like pieces of a puzzle that I had to solve immediately and then it clicked.
Aiden.
The questions, the careful curiosity. The moments he asked about her past in ways that seemed casual but now felt deliberate. The way he had looked as if he knew something. I should have known then. My stomach twisted.
“Oh goddess…” I whispered.
Aiden hadn’t been asking out of idle curiosity. He had wanted to confirm. He was approaching the subject quietly. He was waiting for me to tell the truth.
Lucian must have known then. And yet, he had still waited for me to speak. My chest tightened painfully.
“He gave me the chance…” I murmured again.
A chance I never took. I felt foolish and embarrassed. What had I been thinking? That I could hide something so significant from an Alpha of a big pack? From Lucian?
The man who missed nothing. The man whose instincts were sharper than blades. The man who saw through everyone. Except the one person who should have trusted him enough to be honest.
Me.
I barely noticed when I reached the general corridor.
I was lost in thought, drifting through memories and realizations that struck one after another like waves. Even though I had figured, Aiden may have known. I still wanted to know how he found out, Lucian too.
Could it be when Chase had come to see me? I had wondered but there was no answer to my question.
I couldn’t ask Lucian because he needed space. I could ask Aiden but I didn’t even know where he was. I ran a hand through my hair.
“Ailsa?”
The voice pulled me from my thoughts. I blinked, startled. I was not expecting anyone here.
“You almost bumped into a wall because you were not looking. That’s unlike you”
I looked up and Lina stood in front of me, her brows furrowed with concern.
“You look…” Lina hesitated. “Gloomy. Why?”
I tried to smile but it didn’t work. My lips trembled instead.
“I’m fine” I said automatically. Lina didn’t look convinced not even for a second.
“You know you don’t have to lie to me”
She confirmed it in the next second. She stepped closer, studying my face with the kind of quiet perception only a close friend possessed.
“You’re supposed to be happy” Lina said softly. “Not… like this.”
That was all it took. The fragile control I had been holding onto shattered. My tears spilled again and this time I couldn’t stop them. Lina just held onto me and let me cry and when I calmed down I wiped the tears away.
“You’ve cried and so now I believe you’ll be able to talk” I nodded.
“I need to tell you something,” I whispered.
Lina’s expression shifted instantly, the concern on her face deepened. We moved to a secluded corner without another word. I sat and my hands trembled in my lap. I was trying to control its movement but it was difficult. My heart pounded loudly in my ears because this is the first time I would be speaking about my past to anyone.
Saying it out aloud meant facing it, not as a memory but as truth. And I guessed it was finally time.
“This is going to be long”
“I have time, take your time. If it made you cry like this then it must be very painful”
“I don’t know how or where to start from” I was being honest. I didn’t know how to tell the story.
“Start from the beginning” Lina said.
“I lied. I was never a rogue. I can from the Silver moon pack. I was the Beta and mated to the Alpha” I paused. I saw Lina’s mouth widen and I continued.
“I was in love with Lorcan. Madly in love with him and I depended so much on him because I was an orphan. I also had a best friend Marie whom I loved like my sister. Lorcan might have been promiscuous but I knew he loved me or I thought so. It was not until the day I thought was going to be the happiest day of my life. The day he finally picked his Luna, that was the day that I realized that I was only another person in his bed and he had used my intelligence. And guess who he had betrayed me with? My best friend, Marie. It felt like my heart would tear apart and I never believed I would survive that pain. I cried for days and when I finally felt like myself, I knew I had to leave” I paused before I continued.
“I told Lorcan I was going to leave but he didn’t want me to leave and so I ran away. I cut myself off from the pack, agreeing to be a rogue. Or that’s what made me a rogue. I ran for hours. I was lonely and scared. The moment I got to the stream, I didn’t even know I was in another territory until I was captured and brought to the pack house. And then I met Lucian and the rest is history”
When I finished, the silence was heavy. Lina stared at me, her eyes wide.
“That’s why…” Lina whispered slowly, pieces falling into place.
“That’s why you were hiding when you first came here” Ailsa nodded.
“And Alpha Lorcan…” Lina continued. “At the party, I saw the way he was staring at you. I thought he was looking at you because of how beautiful you were”
Everything clicked in her expression.
“Oh goddess” Lina murmured. Then she looked at me and noticed the tears again.
“Why were you crying?” she asked gently.
“Lucian….knows” my voice broke. Lina’s hand flew to her mouth. Shock flooded her face.
“He knows?” she whispered, I nodded.
“And he’s angry”
Confusion replaced Lina’s shock.
“If he’s known… why is he angry now?” I shook my head helplessly.
“I don’t know”
But deep down, I suspected the answer. It was the lack of trust. Lina squeezed mu hand.
“I’m sorry. Just give him some time, he’ll come around” she said softly. I managed a weak nod.
“I was going to answer Dahlia’s summons before I saw you. I’ll see you later” Lina added gently. I wanted to ask her what Dahlia wanted with her but she was already leaving.
I watched her leave, feeling both lighter and heavier at the same time. Lighter for finally speaking and heavier for the consequences that still loomed ahead.
The walk back to my room was silent. My thoughts the only thing I could hear, if that counted. My mind replayed everything again and again.
Lucian’s anger, Lorcan’s presence. I cursed Lorcan in my mind for showing his face in this pack. He was the reason cause of everything. Even though, I had made a mistake, he was to blame.
If only I could go back in time and tell him from the beginning, I wouldn’t be crying now. I turned the corner towards my room and that was when…
A sharp force struck the back of my head. Pain exploded through my scalp and my vision fractured.
The world spun violently and my knees buckled before darkness swallowed everything.