Chapter 7

Ruby stared at herself in the mirror, barely recognizing the reflection that stared back. It wasn’t just that she was older. Life had thrown a lot at her, and she didn’t wear it well. The bags under her eyes were evidence of all the sleepless nights Ruby still had. After marrying Clark, it hadn’t taken long to get used to sleeping with another person. But after his death, she’d never gotten used to sleeping without him by her side. Her laughter lines had also faded over the years.

Ruby grabbed her phone and called Zoe. It rang several times before Zoe picked up. “I can’t do it,” Ruby said.

“Yes, you can. It’s not like you’re going out with a stranger. Parker’s already been over to your house for dinner, and you’ve seen him without his shirt on. Twice.”

Ruby’s breathing grew ragged at the memory. She closed her eyes and shook her head. “He labeled this as a date. He’ll probably want to take me somewhere in his car. I can’t get into his car, Zoe.”

“Do you need me to come over?” Zoe asked, concern lacing her words.

Ruby focused on her breaths, willing away the panic attack that threatened to take over. “No. I’m okay. I just—I’m canceling. I know you were just trying to help, but I’m a bit beyond your reach. I’m sorry.” She hung up and then, with hands that shook so badly she had to type everything twice, she sent Parker a text.

I’m not feeling well and can’t make it tonight. Sorry.

When Ruby had not shown up for her date with Parker in high school, it had been an honest mistake.

Now?

At least she’d told him beforehand this time.

Ruby watched her phone, expecting it to chime with a response, but it stayed silent. She checked her phone against the napkin Parker had given her. The phone number was correct. Unless he had given her a fake number. Would he do that?

Ruby had no idea.

She changed into her comfy pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, then snuggled into the couch to catch up on her favorite crime show. Ruby knew she should be working on the baby shower. It was coming up fast, and she hadn’t really done anything to prepare. She had a plan, but that was about it. Tomorrow, she promised herself. She would throw herself into it and get it all done.

Just as the first episode finished and Ruby was about to start the second, a knock sounded. Ruby paused the show and glanced at the door with apprehension. “Zoe?” She waited until there was another knock, then stood up. “Hello?” If it was Sam or Zoe, they would have walked in by now.

Ruby peeked through the side curtains next to the door. There, standing on her porch, was Parker. He looked good in a sweatshirt and jeans and held a large bag in one hand. When he noticed Ruby, he smiled and gave a small wave.

Not knowing what else to do, Ruby pulled back and opened the door. “Hi,” she said.

“Hi.” Parker shifted his weight, seeming uncomfortable. “When you said you weren’t feeling well, I thought you might like someone to check in on you.”

Ruby glanced at the bag in his hand. “What’s in the bag?”

“Food,” he said. “You hungry?”

“You made me dinner?” Why would he do that for her? She almost felt guilty that she had lied, trying to get out of their date. Almost. She still had that nagging voice in the back of her head, though. The one that invoked guilt when she even thought about another guy—the one that told her she was a bad person if she ever allowed someone to take Clark’s place.

“It’s just soup,” Parker said apologetically.

“It’s perfect,” Ruby whispered. She held out a hand to take the bag from Parker, but he held it just out of her reach.

“Here, let me dish it out for you,” he said, then slipped past Ruby. She held the door open, her feet rooted to the spot, as she watched Parker walk into the kitchen. “Do you have a ladle?” he called out.

“Uh…yeah. Top drawer next to the stove,” Ruby said, finally shutting the door.

Parker walked out holding a tray filled with food. “Sit,” he said, nodding toward the couch.

Ruby did as he asked and then Parker set the tray down in front of her on the coffee table. “Thank you,” she said. Then she saw what he had brought. Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Ruby’s heart stuttered. “You really didn’t need to go to the trouble,” she said. “I’m sure there are other things you’d rather be doing tonight.”

Parker shrugged. “Not really.” He sat down on the couch next to Ruby and turned to face her. “Man, you really don’t look like you feel well.”

Ruby felt like she should be offended, but because she was supposed to be sick, she held her tongue. Instead, she gave a weak cough. “Yeah, it came on suddenly this afternoon.”

“Well, no need to worry,” Parker said with a grin. “I brought movies.” He fanned three discs in front of Ruby.

She took them from his hand and saw that he had chosen three chick flicks. She laid them on the table. “Thanks, that’s really thoughtful, but I’m not really in the mood for a movie tonight. I think I’ll just go to bed early.”

Parker looked at the movies. “Is something wrong with them?” He seemed disappointed.

“No, not at all,” Ruby said quickly. “Though your choices did surprise me.” She smiled. “I didn’t peg you for the romantic comedy type. Is this what you normally choose for yourself?”

Parker returned her smile. “Well, maybe not. But they seemed like the type you might like.”

Ruby felt bad. Parker had obviously gone to the trouble to pick out things that he thought Ruby would enjoy, even remembering what she had ordered at the diner the night before. But she’d only chosen what she had because that had been the last meal she had eaten at the diner—with Clark. Having another man bring her the same meal on a date, with romantic movies no less—it felt wrong.

“I appreciate the thought,” Ruby said. “But what would you have chosen if you were by yourself?”

Parker leaned against the back of the couch. “Indiana Jones,” he said, not having to think about it.

Ruby couldn’t believe it and she let out a surprised laugh. “I am so glad you just said that.”

Parker’s eyebrows rose. “Oh? And why is that?”

Ruby walked over to a hidden rack of movies and spun it around. Along the top row was every Indiana Jones movie in chronological order. Even the new one that Steven Spielberg had somehow thought was a good idea to make decades after the original one. Ruby had bought that one so she could have the complete collection, but couldn’t bring herself to watch it a second time. Following that was the entire Star Wars series, and after that were rows of the best of science fiction.

“Whoa.” Parker stood and ran his finger along Ruby’s movie collection. He stopped at season one of Stargate SG-1. “I have to say, I’m impressed,” he said. “I never would have pegged you as a sci-fi fan.

“I’m not,” Ruby said. “I’m just a fan of anything that is good.” She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “You’ll notice that I don’t own a single Star Trek movie, but don’t tell Sam. He gave me the whole collection of Star Trek: The Original Series for my birthday, but I may have sold it and bought Rocket Man instead.

Parker laughed out loud at that. “I won’t give away your secret. But now we definitely have a selection of movies I can work with.” He glanced sideways at Ruby and winked.

She smiled back, but then forced herself to step away and curl back up on the couch. The attraction she felt toward Parker at that moment wasn’t something she wanted—or needed. She was messed up enough without adding more complications.

“How about Stargate, the original movie?” Parker asked.

“I guess I don’t have to head to bed right away,” Ruby said. A small thrill raced up her spine.

“I brought dessert, if you’re feeling up to it after dinner,” Parker said, sitting down next to Ruby. “Unless it’s the type of sick that you shouldn’t be eating stuff like that. Have you been—” He stopped talking when he saw the horror etched across Ruby’s face. “We aren’t good enough friends to go there. Got it.”

Even though Ruby was mortified at even the prospect of having that kind of conversation with Parker, she had to restrain herself from bursting out laughing at the thought of him asking in the first place.

The movie started and Parker asked, “Aren’t you going to eat?”

Ruby glanced down at the tray in front of her. “Will you be having any?” she asked, nodding toward the food.

“Only if there’s enough,” he said. “Sick people first.”

“I don’t think I can eat more than what I have,” Ruby said. “You should get yourself some too. Besides, I feel weird being the only one eating.”

Parker nodded. “I will go get myself some then. I’d hate to make you feel awkward on our first official date.”

“Is that what this is?” Ruby asked. She noticed he’d said this was their first date, which implied that another date would follow.

Parker stopped midway to the kitchen and glanced back. “I promised you a movie and dinner, but if you don’t want it to be a date, it doesn’t have to be.” He didn’t wait for her response before quickly walking out of the room.

Ruby sighed. What was wrong with her? Parker was being nothing but nice. She studied the food in front of her, then picked up the sandwich. It was still warm and perfectly crisp and cheesy. She nibbled at a corner, then took a large bite out of the side. It was delicious. She glanced from the sandwich to the soup. Ruby dunked the sandwich in the soup and by the time Parker returned, she’d devoured most of what had been on the tray.

Parker glanced at his own tray guiltily. “Do you want mine?” he asked. “There’s only a little bit of soup left because I didn’t know if you’d want much with being sick and everything.”

Ruby shook her head, a little embarrassed at having eaten everything so quickly. She felt like she should have felt guilty at enjoying it as much as she had, but she didn’t. Instead, it was liberating. It had been years since she’d had grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, and now she’d had it twice in one weekend.

“No, you eat. There’s always dessert to look forward to.”

Parker smiled, but before he started eating, something caught his attention across the room. He set his tray down and wandered over to the dining room table. “What are these for?” he asked, pointing to piles of white cloth that had been cut into small squares. Next to them sat safety pins and boxes of chocolate malt balls.

“Those are for Katie’s baby shower,” Ruby said, staying on the couch. The shower was only three days away and she was beyond stressed about getting everything done in time, but every time she sat down to work on it, she conveniently found something else that needed her attention.

“That’s what the cake is for?” Parker asked, looking back at Ruby.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“And what are these for?” Parker held up one of the white cloth squares. “Or do I dare ask?”

Ruby forced a smile. “Little diapers. Safety pins will hold the malt balls inside.”

“So…you’re making poopy diapers?” Parker asked, grinning.

Ruby’s smile wobbled, and tears pricked her eyes. “Yes,” she said, looking away. She would not allow herself to cry in front of Parker. She was pathetic enough, she didn’t need to add ‘cried on first date’ to the list. Except it was only a date if she wanted it to be.

“I’ll never understand women and their strange ways,” Parker said, shaking his head. “If a man were in charge of things, you’d have food. End of story. And it would be something he picked up at the store on his way there.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I’m not primitive enough for you,” Ruby said, no longer able to hold the tears back. She stood and ran into the bathroom.

Ruby glanced at her reflection in the mirror and was immediately sorry she had. She didn’t understand women who somehow became more beautiful when they cried, a few teardrops sprinkled on their cheeks, adding an exquisite touch.

Not Ruby.

She was an ugly crier. Her eyes were already swollen, bloodshot and red, which matched perfectly with her hideous, splotchy face.

A knock sounded on the bathroom door, and Ruby grimaced. “Please go away.”

“Not until I know what I did,” he said, his voice muffled.

“It’s not you, it’s me,” Ruby said. “And you deserve to spend the evening with someone who…well, isn’t me.”

The sound of something sliding against the other side of the door echoed through the bathroom, and then it was silent.

Curious, Ruby cracked the door open, only to discover Parker sitting on the floor, leaning against the door. His weight pushed the door open, and he fell backwards onto Ruby’s feet. She yelped, then stepped over his sprawled form.

“Need help?” she asked, holding out her hand.

Parker took it and pulled himself up. He stood only inches from Ruby, and her pulse quickened. At first it was from—well, it couldn’t be attraction. No way. But then Ruby realized Parker was getting a very close view of her very puffy face, and her pulse skyrocketed from embarrassment. She spun around and said, “I’d like to be left alone. Please.”

“As soon as you tell me what I did,” Parker said. “You already ditched me once. I’m not going to let you do it to me again until I know why.”

Ruby sucked in air through her teeth. “Because I’m a mess. I can’t handle my own life, let alone anyone else’s, and no one deserves to be sucked into it. I’m my own walking natural disaster.”

Parker’s hands settled on Ruby’s shoulders. He steered Ruby toward the couch. Parker stepped back, then sat on the side opposite Ruby. “Sit,” he said.

Ruby did as he asked, though she had no reason to. This was her house, after all. Why wouldn’t he just go away?

“The Ruby I knew in high school was the most put-together person I had ever met.” Parker smiled, like he had just remembered something. “A little too put together at times, but she could do anything and everything. And she did.”

Ruby used the back of her arm to wipe tears from her eyes. “Yeah, well, I’m not that girl anymore.” She paused. “I suppose your mom told you my husband died a few years ago.”

From the expression on Parker’s face, he didn’t know. It took him a moment to recover and snap his mouth back shut. “She didn’t, which is shocking considering the way that woman can gossip.” He scooted closer. “I’m so sorry.”

Ruby pulled in a shuddered breath and she tried to block the onslaught of emotions that threatened to take over. “Yeah, well, crap happens, right?”

“It shouldn’t, though,” Parker said.

Ruby glanced toward the table with the not-yet-made baby diapers. “I was pregnant at the time. But after Clark’s death, I was a mess. I didn’t eat or drink or get out of bed. I miscarried a week later.” She let a bitter laugh escape. “I’m sure you can guess how that went.”

“Anyone would react the way you did,” Parker said, taking Ruby’s hand.

Ruby stared at their hands. “Everyone keeps reminding me that it’s been four years, that it’s time to move on.” She pulled her hand away from Parker’s. “I’ve tried. I figured if I wasn’t going to be a mother, I could at least make a difference in the lives of other children.”

“So, you opened the daycare,” Parker guessed.

Ruby nodded. “I love it. I love those kids as if they were my own. It gives me a purpose. But at the end of the day…” Her voice trailed off.

“They go home.” Parker looked at the kitchen table. “And now you’re planning your sister-in-law’s baby shower?”

The anger in Parker’s voice surprised Ruby. “I offered.”

“But how could Katie accept your help, knowing what you’ve been through?”

Ruby was quiet, not sure how to explain. “I think they thought it would be therapeutic in some way…something to help me move on.”

Parker stared at Ruby, his expression blank. “I don’t understand. How could that possibly be helpful?”

Ruby shrugged. “I don’t know, but my therapist agreed that this could be a good thing—” She waved a hand toward the dining room table. “So, here I am.”

“But surely—”

“No,” Ruby said, interrupting him. She already regretted opening up to Parker. He was probably going to go out and tell the world about the injustices of it all, and then he’d go on his merry way and she’d have to deal with everyone’s pity. “The only way I get through the day is acting like everything is normal.”

Parker’s gaze met Ruby’s. Neither of them looked away. Finally, Parker took back Ruby’s hand. “At least let me help you.”

“I’ll manage,” Ruby said, her voice quiet. She couldn’t bring herself to look away from Parker’s piercing stare. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

“I’m heading out in a few days, but let me at least help you prepare for the baby shower. You shouldn’t have to do that alone,” Parker said, his smile lighting up his dark eyes.

Ruby was about to protest, but then stopped. It would be nice to have someone propelling her forward, stopping her from procrastinating. If left to her own devices, she may never finish.

“All right,” she said, “but I warn you, it will be grueling work under harsh conditions. I don’t give breaks and I don’t pay for overtime.” When Ruby looked up, she wore a slight smile, and saw that Parker’s matched hers.

“I think I can live with that,” he said. “But I do have one condition.”

“All right.” Ruby wasn’t sure she wanted to know what that might be.

“Will you go out with me again?”

Ruby paused. She looked down at their joined hands, then back up again. “Okay.”

Parker’s eyebrows popped up in surprise. “Really?”

“Yes,” she said with a laugh. “I feel bad about tonight and would rather we tried to forget it and try again.”

“A second do-over?” Parker asked. “How many of those are we allowed?”

Ruby smiled. “At least one more.”

“Then it’s a date.”