Chapter 16: 16.Getting a Grip

The pain was excruciating as the whip came down over and over. The metal tip digging into my flesh. My mind recoiled into itself at some point. The pain was unbearable and there was no way for me to stay in this room. I had to receded into my mind, a defense mechanism. I started by repeating a recipe I knew by heart. My mother’s homemade chocolate cake. I could see her there in her kitchen mixing it. I watched the memory over and over again. I brief moment of happiness in my life. I didn’t know when it stopped but eventually it did.

“We are done for today.” Theodore said. He was close, but I didn’t want to open my eyes. I just wanted to remain in the memory with my mother. To be with her in all the human ways she lived and not what I would see when I opened my eyes. I felt exhaustion, pure unadulterated exhaustion. “Open your eyes Beatrix” Theodore said but I didn’t dare, not yet. I felt my arms dropping and fall to my sides. Was I still standing? I couldn’t feel my legs. I felt warmth surround me.

I was being held. Why was I always being carried around like a baby. Finally, I opened my eyes and all I saw was red. Theodore was covered in it, the walls that were around us were the same thick red coating him. It was me; I was on the walls. My hollow husk being carried out of the small room. Theodore didn’t look at me but carried me. What was all this for? Why? It made no sense. Maybe this all had been some long-term mental torture Malachar wanted me to endure.

He gave me to one of his Order members, and I was to think he was trying to turn me into a purist. All the while it was just to drag me through torture and kill me when it didn’t work. Because Malachar knew, as well as I did, that making me into a purist was not even possible. And when Theodore failed, because he would, I would be killed. It had to be that. Malachar was trying to make me think I had a chance of living life after it all and then he would kill me when Theodore failed. He was using hope as a torture strategy.

“You will need some blood to heal, I made sure not to break anything, so blood should just close up the wounds. You won’t need to actually be healed.” Was I supposed to be grateful that nothing was broken and festering enough to see a healer. Was that why nothing was broken? So, he wouldn’t have to take me to Leia to be healed. He had beaten me until I was practically dead, but I wasn’t broken to the point of needing her.

He didn’t want her to know what he had done, of course not. Then she would see him for the monster he was. My eyes were heavy, and I felt like I was going to pass out when he opened a door, and we were the room I had woken up in hours ago. His room, maybe? “Can you stand?” he asked. I didn’t respond. He kept me held and moved around and put a wine bottle to my lips. “Drink” I did as I was told, and blood hit my tongue. It was soothing as it ran down my throat.

I drank the whole bottle. I was surprised that he didn’t bring his vein bound to for me to drink from. He chose a bottle of blood over his pets. He didn’t want them to see what he had done either. He was hiding his cruelty, and it was clear, otherwise I would be feeding live right now. I felt my cuts from the metal tipped whip closing.

He was right the wounds where deep, but nothing was truly damaged other than the skin. I was standing when he handed me a third bottle of warm blood. I could walk again but I was so tired. “You will need to get cleaned up before you do anything else.” He said with no emotion. I looked at myself and his shirt was almost nonexistent on my body. The whip had turned it into a rag practically. I crossed my arms over my chest and brought my thighs together, I wanted to hide myself from him.

“Can you please direct me to my room.” I asked. I didn’t want to be around him. I didn’t want him to see me. Any progress we made which was nonexistent earlier this morning was gone now. I hated him with everything in my body. “Your room is destroyed and will take a while to be fixed.” He spoke. “Fine just give me a closet.” I said, I didn’t care. I just wanted to be away from him. I needed to be away from him.

He gave me a quick nod, I think he understood I needed to get away from him. He went to touch me, but I recoiled from him. I didn’t want anything from him. I just wanted to be alone. He walked out of the room me following him. He showed me to another room and let me in. “Sorry it is smaller and there is only a shower in here.” I didn’t care. “I will try to find you something to wear.” I didn’t respond. I just stood there holding myself.

I didn’t say anything until he had shut the door behind him. “I hate you.” I said and then I showered. I didn’t care that I was not in a bath. I didn’t care that this room was small, or Theodore at least thought it was. It was bigger than my one at headquarters. I felt miserable. I needed to shut off my emotions. I needed to focus on how to get myself out of here. I didn’t see how I could though. Other than a few places in Astor Hall it was like a maze. I needed to really explore. I needed to find the routes of this place.

I had been focused on escape when I got here but everything fell apart. I needed to get out, get the iron off and return to Vanguard. The only right call I had made so far had been a brash one of tying my life to Theodore Astor. He wouldn’t kill me and Malachar wouldn’t kill him, being his right-hand man, and his biggest weapon. No, my life was secure for the time being, but my imprisonment was certain if I couldn’t get my head out of my ass and find a way out.

I heard a knock on the door and opened it. I was wrapped up in a towel. It was Leia. “Hey, I brought you some clothes and some other stuff.” “Thank you” I told her, and she walked into the room. “I can’t believe Theo put you in here, this place is tiny.” It really wasn’t but I wasn’t going to point that out to Leia. “I thought maybe we could hang out if you wanted.” I didn’t want that at all. In fact, I wanted to sleep, but my brain was screaming to find a way out of here and Leia could be the key to that. “Leia, could you give me a tour of Astor Hall?” I asked and she smiled. “I would love to.”

Good, I needed to know this place. My body wanted to sleep but my mind wanted to work. I pulled my towel tighter to my body. “I just need to change.” “Oh, right I am sorry, here I will set this all in the bathroom.” I gave her a nod and as she exited, I entered closing the door behind me. I slipped on the soft leggings and sweater. She had brought several hair products, yet again I was confused how they were getting all of this during the middle of the war.

When I exited Leia was sitting up straight on the bed. She offered me a smile which I forced myself to return. “You are really beautiful; you know that right.” I didn’t think that was the case at all. My hair was always too wild, and I never, even before the war, was one of those girls who put much thought into my appearance. “You have this very natural glow about you.” She spoke.

Strange considering about an hour or so ago I was probably pale and cold, lifeless from blood loss. “Leia how does Astor Hall get all these goods? I mean like the hair products and clothes and stuff?” I figured when I got out of here, I could tell Vanguard and maybe a little life improvement might boost morale. “We get them in the city.” She said as if it was nothing. I kept my face neutral. I had no idea what city she was referring to. Nor did I think any cities where still standing. “You ready for the tour?”