Chapter 40

2nd October 2015: 3:15 am.

I was sitting in my cell with my head against the wall; I couldn’t sleep. I just couldn’t shut my eyes, fear took over what would happen if I did. The same flashes of the train scene , waiting for the hearing date. I thought that the police officer was coming to tell me when I could go to the court hearing. I thought that my worst nightmare had come true.

“Emma, it seems that Barbara has been found,” he said as he unlocked the door. I blinked again, sitting on the bed. The same one that I had been sitting on for hours, thinking that no news had to be good news. I had repeated the same prayer in my head over and over again. Sometimes out loud, but as I became weak through lack of energy I’d started to just close my eyes and say it in my head.

Yet, I found an energy that I didn’t even think that I possessed as the words rang in my ears.

Detective Dwight was inside my cell.

“Yes, we found your little girl.”

He was nodding to confirm what I had already heard.

“Where is she? Is she here?”

He nodded his head once again.

This was even better news, the idea that she was here. There were so many questions in my head and then I held on to his arm.

“Is she hurt?”

“No, she’s fine. She’s a bit shaken up, but apart from that she’s fine.”

“Thank God!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

“I need to see her.”

“Yes, come this way. You’ll be released of all charges and we’re sorry for the inconvenience of the last couple of days.”

Yesterday, my fear had been just getting my daughter to school on time, which had turned into a nightmare because I never knew that she had a plan. In hindsight, I hadn’t even realized that he was still seeing her, ever since I’d caught her in my bed so many years ago.

None of that mattered, because Barbara was safe. I followed Detective Dwight as he walked through the long hallway to the freedom. He signed some papers, and I did everything that I was told, with only one thing on my mind: holding my little girl in my arms again. Safe, where she belonged. I wouldn’t let Ted or his girlfriend near her ever again. We would go somewhere, where no one knew us, and be a family. Just her and I, and if Will wanted to come, then that would be a welcome blessing. I knew that he had everything to do with her return. He’d loved me back then and none of that had changed. As for Ted, he could rot in hell for all I cared, because that was all he deserved.

As soon as I saw her in Will’s arms shaking like a leaf, I ran up to her and grabbed her from him.

I hugged her endlessly and kissed every part of her face. Then I put her on the seat as I kneeled on the floor, checking her, making sure that nothing was harmed. The same two feet, hands and face that had left me in the train station had safely returned to me.

“Mommy,” she laughed, while I cried.

I held her tightly as I sat on the floor and sobbed, “Mommy’s sorry. Nothing, will ever happen to you ever again.”

Her little hands were strangling my neck, something that she would do when she was scared in the middle of the night and would come into my bed - the one that I shared with Ted. I knew from that moment onwards, I would never share anything with him. Ever again.

***

4th October 2015: 10:15 am.

I sat in the hotel room still thinking about everything that Will had told me. I should have been relieved that Li was dead. Ted was my husband and suddenly I was a widow, yet I couldn’t shed a tear about the news of his death.

Maybe, because he was the father of my child, I felt sad. Just a little. Apart from that I felt no remorse. I felt nothing but relief. I knew that if he’d been alive, he would make my life a living hell. He could be vindictive if he wanted to, but then it occurred to me, that maybe I never really knew that man. The man that I had been married to had become a stranger when he’d decided that he wanted out of our marriage.

I couldn’t face going back to the house. Our things and everything inside it could be a thing of the past as far as I was concerned.

“You do know that you’ll need to go back eventually?” Will raised his eyebrow as he handed me the passports. We were sitting down to breakfast in the room. Will had been to the house to get me the essentials, our passports and some over night clothes for Barbara. I wanted our life there to be the past. One that I didn’t want any reminder of. It may have seemed childish, but I didn’t care. I wanted to move on with my life. I just had to get out of here. Everything that reminded me of the person that I used to be: a wife that had no backbone, a drug addict and a woman that nearly lost her daughter.

I shook my head. “No. I don’t need to go there at all. The Rogers' can keep the house. I don’t care.”

“Will I have to go to school?” Barbara asked and I knew the reason for her question. She was only six and loved going to school. She’d been through too much if it was only for one day. I’d talk to her about school, but she didn’t have to worry about that right now.

“Barbara, you need to eventually,” she sighed as her blue eyes turned dull.

There was a knock at the door. Panic immediately entered my mind as I stood debating whether to answer the door or not.

Will took a deep breath and said, “Remember they’re not around any more to hurt you.”

I nodded and then I looked at Barbara, who grabbed a hold of my hand immediately. She didn’t know about her dad. She had asked about him once or twice and I had lied and told her that he was in hospital and we would see him soon. I couldn't tell her that he was dead, not yet. One step at a time. A grief counsellor at the station had said that it was best to wait. Time was on my side and right now, I wouldn’t let my little girl out of my sight. Not again.

“Elizabeth,” I sighed as Will opened the door and she stood there. I wished that reception had called to warn me that she was here. I was sitting in my shorts and shirt as if it was the middle of summer, something that I never would have worn if I had known that she was coming here. Then again, that was the old me. The one that thought of nothing but pleasing the Rogers’s. The new one couldn’t care less.

“Can I come in?”

I nodded, thinking that I had no choice but to let her in. Maybe it was the fact that she was alive and my own mom was dead that upset me more about the trail of events. Barbara looked up at her as if she was a stranger and then held on to my hand once again.

Will shut the door and then Elizabeth hovered near it. Her eyes darted towards Barbara. Maybe the pain of seeing a female version of Ted had turned her into a quiet church mouse, but something had upset her from the moment she entered. Maybe it was because it was me in this room and not her son.

She pressed her lips together and announced, “I just wondered when you were going back home?”

“Never.”

She choked, “You can’t stay in this hotel forever. All Ted’s accounts are frozen while they look into this hack and I would love to support you dear. But we have a house, you could stay with us, if it’s not too painful.”

“You mean you,” I said as I moved closer towards her. I knew that she was alone, which was most likely the reason for her coming here in the first place. As soon as they were told that Ted was dead, Will had said that she told Ralph to leave. She blamed him for her son’s death. Then again, she had to blame someone. Women like Elizabeth never took responsibility for their own actions. They always felt the need to make out that it was someone else’s fault. Never their own.

“Yes, me. What difference does it make?”

“I’ll take Barbara to the next room shall I?” Will said as we stood, giving each other a stare off.

Barbara hesitated for a moment, but then she smiled as she took Will’s hand. I was so touched thinking that she would look at Ted like that if he was alive. She would expect her father to keep her protected, not put her in a situation which nearly ended her life.

Will had described the scene to me. He had made it seem as if Ted was trying to get Li to see reason. He knew that she was mad, maybe not before, but certainly when he rescued Barbara. I wondered if he’d just run out as Will had told him to do, would he still be alive?

Maybe?

“Elizabeth is staying with me. I just thought that the two girls could be together. After all they’re sisters.” She moved away from me and sat at the breakfast table.

I nearly choked on my own spit. I didn’t want to be a part of this madness.

“Sisters!”

She cut her eyes at me. “Half-sisters then. Does it matter? Either way, I just thought that instead of being cooped up in a hotel it would be better for them to be together.”

“For who?”

“Them.”

“All of a sudden, you have a guilty conscience.” I was being defensive, thinking about the fact that it was only two days ago that she wanted me behind bars. Ralph had wanted to help, but she denied it. She must think that the weak and stupid Emma had resurfaced. But I was nobody’s fool, not again. And especially not hers.

“Get out!” I was standing in front of her. For a woman whose son had died two days ago, and someone who had recently separated from her husband, she was dressed immaculately. She was wearing red heels and a matching Calvin Klein suit, but I didn’t care, because she was in my hotel suite and I wanted her out.

“You need to remember, dear. We didn’t blame you for any of this.” She smiled at me.

“Well, maybe if you had done a better job of raising your son then none of this would have happened.”

“And if you had done a better job of satisfying my son in the bedroom then none of this would have happened.”

I had never hit a woman before, but for the first time, I lifted my hand and I slapped her across the face. She bounced back like a springing ball. “See I always knew you were trash. Only an animal would hit a lady.”

I was about to give her another one and she knew it, but she dodged me and raced to the door as if her life depended on it. I was angry and chased after her until I heard a clap. I turned around and saw both Will and Barbara clapping.

“Well done mommy!”

I laughed as I thought about my daughter cheering me for hitting her grandma.