Chapter 37

-Jianna-

**2007**

I stood up after taking care of the three idiots and looked at James. He's seen me work before but not like this.

"James?" I muttered.

I had blood on my hands and my clothes. I tried to hide the knife behind me and dispatch it later.

"James?" I repeated. He's looking at me the way I have never seen him look at me before. It terrified me. It terrified me that he has now seen the side of me that is heartless, and ruthless. And that would make him leave.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I couldn't let James leave me. I needed him by my side. He was the only one who understood me and accepted me for who I am. I slowly lowered my hand that was hiding the knife behind my back. I took another deep breath and looked up at James.

For a long moment, we just stood there in silence, the only sound the harsh panting of my breaths. I could feel the weight of the knife in my hand, and I knew that I needed to get rid of it.

"James. I have to get rid of this." I said holding up the knife.

And just like something had given him a thousand-volt shot, he sprung into action. He quickly took the knife from my hand and threw it into a lake that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, making sure that it landed deep enough so that no one could see it. Then, he looked back at me with his piercing green eyes.

"Are you okay baby? Are you hurt? You're...There's blood." he asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Ummm..." I looked at my arms and my hands, "I don't think so?"

"You know you have other parts of your body than just your arms and hands right?" he said trying not to laugh.

"Oh." I tried to look at the rest of my body and made me just look like a dog chasing its tail.

He looked at me and I could see that his mood had lightened and his eyes had softened.

James took a step closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. In that moment, I felt forgiven. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, feeling the weight of the world slowly lifting off my shoulders.

I lifted my head and looked at him, "I didn't mean for you to see that, okay? I'm sorry."

James looked at me and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "Shh, don't apologize. I know who you are, Jianna. And I love every part of you, even the ruthless side." He said softly, his voice filled with warmth and love.

I felt tears prickling at the corner of my eyes as his words washed over me. I had never felt so loved and accepted before.

"I love you, James," I whispered, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I love you too, Jianna. Always." He replied, leaning down to kiss me tenderly.

As our lips met, I felt a fire ignite inside me. James always had a way of making me feel alive, of making me forget all my troubles and worries. He had become my haven, my home, my everything.

"I just...I don't want to lose you, James. You're the only one who knows me, understands me. And if you leave...I don't know what I'll do." I whispered, my voice barely audible.

James tightened his grip on me and pulled me even closer, his hand rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jianna. You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

I chuckled and playfully hit him on the arm.

"Come on. Let's set up camp. I could really use a good snuggle right now." I sighed.

"Yes ma'am," he said, giving me a salute.

As soon as we finished setting up, and started a fire. Made sure that it was low enough not to be seen, we snuggled closer to the embers and ate some granola bars. James was holding me close when my curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know a little more about James.

I was still looking at the glowing embers when I asked, "So what was it like growing up for you?"

I felt his breath hitch slightly and I thought it was a topic he never wanted to talk about but he took a deep breath and started his story.

"I'm from New York originally. Growing up, we didn't have much. I was an only child so my mother never really had a hard time taking care of me. But my dad was never really in the picture so my mom raised me by herself." he paused. I looked up and I could see that his eyes were closed.

"She had to have two jobs to make sure that we both survived our day-to-day so I never really saw much of my mother either. Although, whenever she would have a day off, she would make sure that we cram as many fun activities in it as possible. She was never an absent mother where it counted." I saw the corner of his lips smile a little bit.

"Where is she now?" I asked. He wouldn't be in this line of work if his mother had been around so I feared the answer that was coming.

"She passed away. She had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was murdered by some two-bit thug who tried to get her money in the alley near our apartment when she was on her way home." I noticed that he had balled his fist to get his anger under control.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry James," I said sitting up and facing him. I cupped his face in my hands and wiped the tears that were starting to form in the corner of his eyes.

He placed his hands on top of mine and kissed them.

"Not as sorry as when I found the man who killed her. He was my first kill. I joined the military right after my mom died and when I got discharged, I started looking for him. Legally at first, but then not so legal when I wasn't getting any answers. That's how The Allegiance found me." I can tell that this was not an easy conversation for him.

I brushed his cheek with my thumb and said, "You don't have to tell me everything, James. I'm beyond thankful that you did. I never knew what drove you to this line of work. And I'm so sorry for your loss."

James leaned into my touch and closed his eyes. When he opened them, something had changed. His eyes looked, lighter, at peace.

"No, it's okay. I want you to know everything about me, even the ugly parts," he said. He knew he was vulnerable and it didn't matter to him that he was.

I nodded, understanding.

"When I found the man who killed my mother, it was like...I finally had some closure. I had avenged her death. But at the same time, it was like I had opened Pandora's box. Killing became...easy for me." he continued. "I realized then that I had a talent for it. I was good at killing. The Allegiance noticed too. So they offered me a job. And to be honest, I took it because, at that point in my life, I had no one anymore. And I had nothing else to lose. But now...Now I do. Everything changed the first time I saw you. I thought to myself, 'We're fucked'. I knew that I couldn't keep doing this forever. I wanted a life with you. A life without all this bloodshed and violence." he gazed at me and lifted my hands and kissed them.

I could feel the weight of his words, the pain and the guilt that he had carried with him. I leaned in and kissed him gently, trying to show him with my actions that he didn't need to carry that burden alone.