Chapter 21

-James-

"Where are you taking me?" I asked the mystery woman.

"Oh, James. You should know where we're going. You've been there a million times. There was a time you called that place home." She smirked. "That's where you tortured *Rossa*, remember? Oh, I'm sorry. Jianna."

My face became ghost-white. "You're lying," I growled.

"Hmm. Am I?" said the woman sarcastically. She laughed and turned around to face the front of the car.

As we drove, I could see some buildings that looked familiar. "Was she right? That can't be. I'm a soldier. I'm not a killer." I thought. But the woman's words kept echoing in my mind. Could it be possible that I had done something so heinous, and yet I had no recollection of it? How is that even possible?

The car approached the entrance of old abandoned buildings, my heart pounded with fear and anticipation. What was waiting for me inside?

The woman parked the car and got out, gesturing for me to follow her. We walked towards the entrance and she pushed the old wooden door open. The musty smell of an empty building filled my nostrils as we entered. It was pitch dark inside, but the woman seemed to know her way around. She led me to a room, and as we walked, I slowly realized that she wasn't leading me any more than I was robotically following her. My legs seemed to have a mind of their own as if they were already familiar with the place.

The woman opened the door, and the room was illuminated by a single dim lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. In the center of the room sat a woman, tied to a chair, her face bruised and battered. My heart sank. Is that Jianna? I can't tell. Her face is too battered. But everything else looked like her.

I closed my eyes briefly and a flash of a memory came back. I remembered the sound of my voice yelling, demanding information from Jianna. And the pain in my hand as I hit her. The memory was fleeting, but it was enough to make me feel sick to my stomach. This couldn't be happening.

"What is going on here?" I demanded, my voice shaking with anger and fear.

The woman turned to me with a wicked grin. "Welcome back to your old stomping grounds, James."

I felt sick to my stomach as the memories flooded back into my mind. The torture, the screams, the blood. I had done all of this to Jianna, and yet somehow I had blocked it out of my memory.

"James," the woman next to me brought me back to reality. "Do you remember her?" she asked, pointing to the woman in the chair.

I hesitated before answering. "I don't know," I said truthfully.

The woman rolled her eyes. "You really don't remember anything, do you?" she scoffed.

She walked over to the chair and stood in front of the woman. "Well, I'll just have to refresh your memory then," she said, pulling out a whip from behind her back.

"VANESSA! Please!" I yelped.

"Fucking finally! He remembers me! God I've been waiting all day for you to say my name." she cackled as she unfurled the whip and tested it on the concrete.

*CRACK*

The whip made a sickening sound. "Do you remember that sound James?" she said chillingly. "You should. You used to love that sound whenever I used it on other men."

She snapped her fingers and the next thing I knew, Carlos landed a punch on my face. I stumbled back, my head spinning from the impact. Vanessa watched with amusement as I struggled to regain my balance. My head snapped back with the force of the blow, my vision blurred and spots danced in front of my eyes. I stumbled backward, trying to regain my balance, but my legs felt like jelly. The memories of my past life had come flooding back, but they were fragmented and disjointed, like pieces of a puzzle that didn't fit together quite right. And yet, there was no denying the truth of what Vanessa had said. I had been a monster, a torturer, a killer. And now, I was paying the price for my sins.

Vanessa approached me, the whip trailing behind her like a snake.

"Do you know what I want, James?" she said softly, but there was a dangerous edge to her voice. "I want you to suffer. I want you to feel the same pain that you inflicted on so many others. I want you to beg for mercy, but I won't give it to you." she leaned in closer, "I want you to feel how I felt when you chose her."

I looked at her, bewildered. But I know what she was talking about. I hardened my stare. "I will pick her again and again. In this lifetime and the next. So go ahead. Do what you want to me. But let her go. Your anger is not towards her. You're angry with me. Let her the fuck go." I said in the most desensitized voice I can muster.

"You want me. Here I am. Let her go. Vanessa." I looked at her so she knew how serious I was. "I will kill every single one of you if you do not let her go. I've done it before. I let you live. I might not be as giving this time around."

"Ooohhh! James Barnes. Look at you all grown up. How frightening!" she said sarcastically.

She walked towards me and I tensed. "You **ARE** full of surprises, James," she said, looking up at me. "You were born to be in this life, James. You were meant to be at this moment, where you're given this choice. You can either let me hurt you for what you've done or let me hurt her to get back at you," she walked in front of me.

"But you know that's not what I want, James. I want you to suffer for what you've made me do," she said, her voice soft, almost gentle. She sits on my lap and straddles me. She gets closer and whispers in my ear. "I want you to suffer for wrecking my life. The only reason I'm still around is because of you. The only reason why I still breathe is because of you. And now, I'm going to give you a choice," she said.

She gets up from my lap and grabs Jianna's hair so she has no choice but to jerk forward and then fall to the ground. I heard her whimper.

"Either you kill her now. Here. In front of me. OR I torture her and kill her while you watch. Personally, either one would give me so much satisfaction I don't even care which one you choose." she threw Jianna on my feet but I couldn't touch her. I couldn't save her. Jianna. Tell me what to do. Please.

"Tick Tock James. Tick Tock." she motioned to her wrist.

I closed my eyes. Please. Please. Jianna. Tell me what to do. I want to scream. I want to fight my way out of here. I will do anything and everything just to not be in this situation.

"James. James. James." she said pacing behind me. "Patience is not one of my virtues. You can ask my mom," she rolled her eyes. "I'm going to count to 10. If you don't choose, I'm choosing for you." she steps closer to Jianna, who is now lying motionless on the floor. Looks like she passed out from her injuries. I tried to look at her chest to see if I could see her chest rise.

**ONE**

I saw it slightly rise and fall. I sighed with relief.

**TWO**

I looked around to see a way out. Nothing. Nothing that I won't risk Vanessa killing Jianna.

**THREE**

I looked back at Jianna. She's unconscious but she's still breathing. I close my eyes again.

**FOUR**

I kept seeing Jianna's battered body in my mind. And the faces of the other victims. And the faces of the friends I've lost. The faces of the people who suffered because of me. The faces of the people who are still suffering because of me.

**FIVE**

I can't do this. I can't let this happen to Jianna. She didn't deserve any of this. She didn't deserve any of my sins. I can't let her get hurt because of me.

**SIX**

I looked at the wall behind the table again. I saw a chink in the wall. My eyes widened.

**SEVEN**

I can't let her get hurt. I can't let her get hurt. I won't let her get hurt. I can't let her get hurt.

**EIGHT**

I can't do this. I can't kill her. Please, Jianna. Tell me what to do. I want to throw up. I'm so fucking scared.

**NINE**

"FINE! FINE! I'LL FUCKING DO IT!"

"Hmm. Man! You were really cutting that close James." she chuckled.

She took out her gun from the back of her pants and took the bullets out of the clip except for one. She cocked the gun and took the bullet out of the chamber. She put the clip back and primed the gun. Then threw the gun at me and landed near my feet.

"There. One bullet. I'm sure you don't need more than that right?" she said. "Go on." She gestured towards Jianna.

I picked up the gun and my hands were visibly shaking.

"Oh... What's wrong James? Can't pull the trigger?" she walked close to Jianna and knelt by her head. She reached down and put both her arms on her neck ready to break it.

"Pull the trigger, James. Or she dies. Either way, she dies anyway." she looked at me with such intensity that I knew she wasn't kidding.

I stepped closer to where they were and lifted the gun again.

Keep it steady Buck. Keep it steady. You've done this a thousand times that you can fill up an Olympic-sized swimming pool with the amount of blood on your hands.

I placed my finger on the trigger preparing myself to shoot. I slowly squeezed the trigger when the doors opened.

"JAMES! STOP!"