Chapter 31 Confession
JESSICA
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
I flinched at his harsh tone as I rubbed my arm a bit while taking in his angry scowl at me.
"Are you blind or something?" his harsh tone was still there.
Uncle Jason reached to hold him back but he snatched his hand away, still glaring at me.
"When will you stop being a walking disaster, Jessica?"
I felt tears approaching.
"What are you? A fucking eleven-year-old? What is your problem?!"
I flinched, lowering my gaze.
"Xavier,"
"Shut up, Jason."
A tear rolled down my cheek as I stared at the floor.
"Let this be the fucking last time you bump into me. The fucking last time, Jessica."
I nodded without looking at him.
"I apologize,"
He scoffed. "Hell, I am never coming to this damn hospital again." He said, walking past me angrily.
"They made a damn mistake hiring you," I heard him say, making more tears approach my eyes.
"Xavier," Uncle Jason called.
"I am out of here, man" I heard Uncle Xavier snap.
I rubbed my arm as Uncle Jason heaved a sigh.
He leaned down and picked up the files and handed them to me.
"I am sorry about that,"
I nodded.
"Thank you," I almost whispered without looking at him.
"Don't be sad. You know your uncle. He is always in a bad mood."
I nodded.
"Take care of yourself, " he said, placing his hand on my shoulder before walking away.
I looked at the file as more tears flowed.
"When will you stop being a walking disaster, Jessica?"
"They made a damn mistake hiring you,"
"Don't be sad. You know your uncle. He is always in a bad mood."
I sniffled, wiping my tears as I continued walking.
I fought the urge to burst out in tears as I walked. I fanned my eyes which is one of my techniques to prevent me from crying.
It didn't work.
I headed towards the nurses' locker room. I walked towards the restroom and entered one of the toilets.
I closed the door, locked myself in, and sat on the toilet seat.
I let out sobs after sobs, feeling my heart tightening in my chest.
I let out a breath, trying to calm myself but more tears flowed.
I took out my phone and moved to my mom's texts.
I opened it and moved to her voice text which I pinned.
I clicked on it.
"My sweet little girl is now a beautiful grown woman. And a professional nurse. Wellness Oasis is lucky to have you. Don't fuck that, sweetie,"
My heart tightened again.
"Don't forget how special you are. They are lucky to have you. Just like I am lucky and also blessed to have you, sweetie."
I let out a breath, closing my eyes as I calmed myself.
I let out another breath.
"Don't be sad. You know your uncle. He is always in a bad mood."
I opened my eyes.
"I am special. Wellness Oasis is lucky to have me." I nodded, taking in a breath and out.
"I was dumbfounded, Ash," Catherine's voice filled the restroom.
"Are you serious?" Ashley's voice appeared as well.
"I am freaking serious. The bitch was sucking the life out of him. She didn't even stop when I walked in. He only yelled at me to get out."
Ashley scoffed. "Geez."
I locked my phone and put it in my pocket.
"I can't remember the last time I witnessed such a thing in this hospital," Ashley said.
Catherine huffed. "You don't get to see that kind of shit every day, you know."
"Yeah. True."
"Well except for you and Justin."
"Shut up, Cath."
Catherine chuckled.
"Ours is different from theirs. Horny patients doing that kind of stuff is dark." Ashley said.
"Yeah right."
I flushed the toilet and everywhere was silent as I walked out of the toilet.
I saw Catherine and Ashley standing close to the entrance door of the restroom, looking at me.
Catherine scoffed. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Chill, Cath, she obviously came to ease herself." Ashley defended.
"With files?" Catherine asked, making me realize I was still with the files in my hands.
"I was....."
"Maybe she was on her way to submit the files but got hot pressed in the process." Ashley chipped in.
"Okay, now hold on, Ashley. Allow her to speak for herself." Catherine said.
Ashley shrugged. "I am just saying."
"Shush,"
Ashley raised her hands in surrender.
"Alright. Sorry."
Catherine looked at me.
"I need to go submit this. Excuse me." I said, attempting to walk past them but.....
"Wait," Catherine said, holding my hand and stopping me in my tracks.
"Are you related to that annoyingly horny but good-looking man?"
I furrowed my brows.
"What man?" I asked.
"I doubt that," Ashley said.
Catherine heaved a sigh.
"Just go," she said, releasing my hand. "Go go, shoo."
I walked past them and out of the restroom.
"Stop being mean to her," I heard Ashley say.
"Oh please. Newbies like her need an iron fist." Catherine said.
"Seriously,"
"Yes. Now back to the hot gossip. So she was furious when he called me a beautiful nurse."
"Whoa,"
"I know right? He was...." Catherine went on as I headed out of the locker room.
AN HOUR LATER......
I got off a bus and stared at the church building in front of me as I sensed the bus driving away.
I held the hand of my bag on my shoulder, fiddling with the side of my dress a bit as I stared at the name of the church.
St Paul Cathedral.
Our family church.
The church where I was baptized and dedicated.
I can't remember those days but I have the pictures in my room.
Uncle Xavier was smiling when he held me as my godfather.
He looked happy.
Now.....
I don't know.
I guess he is always in a bad mood.
I took in a breath and then out before walking towards the church gate.
I need to give my confession to clear my conscience.
I can't keep procrastinating.
I have to do it now before heading home.
I did my meditation in the bus and now I am ready to confess my sins.
I believe the Lord will forgive me.
He is beyond merciful.
And loving.
After confessing, I will make a promise not to think about that dirty stuff till I get married and do it with my husband.
No more sins, Jessica.
Getting to the enormous building, I covered my hair with my scarf and walked in through the open double doors and headed towards the small queue of people giving their confession on the left side of the altar.
Getting closer to the altar, I dropped down on one knee and did the sign of the cross before kissing the side of my index finger.
I moved towards the queue and stopped behind the last person.
There are six more people before it gets to me.
The sixth person walked out of the confessional, leaving five.
I looked around the church, staring at the few people on the pews saying their silent prayers to the Lord.
I turned my head to the altar as someone stood behind me.
The altar is large and very beautiful. The huge white crucifix on the wall with a statue of our Lord bleeding from his chest down and his feet screams holiness and his sacrifice for our sins.
I returned my gaze to the confession spot.
There are three more people left.
From now on, I will live my life free of sin.
And I will try my best not to sin again.
So help me, Lord.
Not long later, it got to me. I walked into the confessional and knelt behind a screen.
I did the sign of the cross and proceeded to my opening statement.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two months since my last confession."
"Go ahead, my child," the priest said.
I gulped a bit.
"I um.....I walked in on my colleague having sex in the locker room and I.....' I fiddled with my fingers.
"I looked the second time and couldn't stop thinking about it till today. It gets worse when I see the same colleague. And I saw another silhouette of immoral acts. I.....I let myself see porn and even research it online. And...I get the feeling to practice those immoral things." I let out a breath, lowering my gaze to my fingers.
"These....these are the sins I can remember, Father."
"Thank you for your honesty. Remember, God understands our struggles. Pray for strength in the moment of temptation. Pray for purity. For your penance, please say three Hail Mary's and reflect on Corinthians 6:18-20 and Job 31:1."
"Yes Father," I said.
"Now, make your Act of Contrition," he instructed.
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you,......"
NIGHT HOURS.........
SAMUELS HOUSE.....
"Give me my meal," David whined.
"Get to the table first, David," I said, raising the plates of meals in my hands as he jumped on me.
"No. I want to carry it myself," he whined.
I ignored him as I walked towards the table.
"Mom!" He cried.
"David, quiet down. You are disturbing your father!" Mom called out from the kitchen as I placed the plates on the table.
I moved my eyes to Dad who is seated in the living room working on his laptop.
David moved to his seat which is next to the dad's head seat. He folded his hands angrily, pouting his lips.
I chuckled a bit, ruffling his hair. He moved my hand off his hair, making me chuckle again as I walked back to the kitchen.
"Take this, sweetie." Mom said, handing me Dad's meal as the smell of chicken sauce filled my nose again.
I took it and headed out.
I sensed her following me behind.
I got to the table and placed Dad's food at his spot before moving to my seat next to David.
"Honey, food is served." Mom called and she sat on her seat next to Dad's.
Dad let out a sigh as he closed his laptop and walked towards us.
I fixed David's napkin in his collar before moving my seat closer to the table.
Dad sat in his head chair and Mom took his hand.
She extended her hand to me and I placed my hand on hers before holding David. Dad held David's other hand.
"Say a prayer for us, sweetie," Mom said.
I nodded and closed my eyes.
"Lord....."
"David, say a prayer" Dad retorted, making me open my eyes.
I looked at him.
His eyes are closed.
"Dear Lord," David began.
I closed my eyes.
"Thank you for this food. Bless us with more and bless those who don't have."
"Amen," we all said in unison and did the sign of the cross.
I picked up my fork and so did everyone and we began to eat.
"So, honey. How was your day?" Mom asked.
I looked at her. She is taking a portion of her meal into her mouth.
"It was good. I had a lot of....."
"Carmen, what happened to table manners?" Dad interrupted, making me look at him.
He is looking at Mom.
"I just wanted to know about how her day went. Don't you want that too?"
"No."
I lowered my gaze, moving my fork on my meal.
Mom scoffed. "Leo, what is....."
"Can we just eat in peace?" Dad asked.
My heart tightened a bit.
Mom didn't respond but heaved a sigh.
"I had a great day at school, Dad," David spoke up happily.
"Really? Tell me how great was it?" Dad asked.
My heart ached again as Mom scoffed.
"Really, Leo?"
"What?"