Chapter 34: Replacement

Seraphine's POV

The snow burned against my bare skin.

Cold. So fucking cold it felt like fire.

But I couldn't feel it. Not really.

All I could feel was him.

Kaelen's weight pinning me down. His hand in my hair. His breath hot against my throat.

I need to think. Need to—

"Say it," he growled again.

Those eyes. Jesus Christ, those eyes.

The black irises were almost completely gold now. Flickering. Unstable.

Like watching a storm build behind glass.

He's not in control. The wolf is taking over.

"Get off me," I managed. Voice shaking.

Not from cold. From something else entirely.

The bond was pulsing. Each beat sending heat through my veins. Making my skin feel too tight.

This is just the bond. Just the stupid fucking bond—

"You think I was playing?" His thumb pressed harder against the mark.

Lightning shot down my spine.

I gasped. Couldn't help it.

"You think this is a game to me?" His face lowered. Inches from mine.

I could see the gold completely consuming the black now. Could see his pupils dilating.

Fuck. He's losing it.

"That's exactly what it was," I spat back. "Cat and mouse. You herded me."

"I was making a point."

"By humiliating me?"

"By showing you the truth." His grip tightened in my hair. "You can't run from this. From me."

The mark burned under his touch. Not painful. Worse than painful.

Intoxicating.

My body was responding. Traitor that it was.

Heart racing. Skin flushing. That heat low in my belly—

No. Hell no. Not like this.

Something flickered in those golden eyes.

"You made sure of that with this." I grabbed his wrist. The one touching my mark. "This leash around my neck."

"It's not a leash—"

"Bullshit."

I tried pushing him off. Might as well have been pushing a mountain.

"It's exactly that. You control me through it. Make me feel things I don't want to feel—"

"You think I can control what you feel?" His laugh was harsh. "Seraphine, I can barely control what I feel."

The bond pulsed. Hard.

And with it came a wave of emotion that wasn't mine.

Pain. Sharp. Overwhelming.

Frustration. Helplessness.

And underneath it all—fear.

He's scared. Of what?

"You were going to leave," he said. Voice rough. "Leave your family. Leave the pack."

His forehead dropped to mine.

"Leave me."

Oh.

Oh fuck.

"I thought—" I stopped. Swallowed hard. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

"By running away in the middle of the night?"

"By not being a burden."

"You're not—"

"I am," I cut him off. "To Cordelia. To you. I'm just—" My voice cracked. "I'm just this broken thing everyone has to take care of."

Tears were building again. I blinked them back furiously.

Don't cry. Don't you dare cry again.

"You want to know what I see?" Kaelen's hand left my hair. Cupped my face instead.

The touch gentle now. Almost tender.

"I see someone who's been hurt. Who's surviving despite it. Who's stronger than she knows."

"I'm not—"

"You are." His thumb brushed my cheekbone. "You're terrified. Traumatized. And you're still fighting."

The bond pulsed again. Softer this time.

Carrying his sincerity. His conviction.

He believes it. He actually believes it.

"I hate this," I whispered. "I hate feeling so helpless."

"I know."

"I hate that you can make me feel things I don't want to feel."

"I know that too."

His nose brushed mine. The movement so gentle it made my chest ache.

"But running won't fix it," he murmured. "Won't make you less afraid. Won't make you less broken."

He's right. I know he's right.

But knowing doesn't make it easier.

"Then what will?" I asked.

His eyes—still golden, still not quite his—held mine.

"Time. Healing. Letting people help you."

"I don't know how."

"Then learn."

His hand slid down. Found the mark again.

The electricity returned. Stronger this time.

My breath hitched.

"This mark," he said softly. "Means you're mine to protect. Mine to care for."

His thumb traced the scar tissue. Slow. Deliberate.

"Mine to keep safe."

Heat flooded through me. The bond singing.

This is dangerous. So fucking dangerous.

"Kaelen—"

"Say you won't leave again."

His lips were close now. So close I could feel his breath.

"Promise me."

I can't. If I promise—

"I need to hear it," he pressed. "Need to know you won't—"

He kissed me.

No warning. No hesitation.

His mouth crashed against mine with desperate intensity. Hot. Demanding.

No. I can't—

But my body was already responding.

My lips parted. My hands moved up his chest.

The bond exploded between us. White-hot. All-consuming.

Every nerve ending in my body came alive. Electricity racing along my skin. Heat pooling low in my belly.

Oh God. Oh fuck—

His hand tightened in my hair. Angling my head. Deepening the kiss.

I made a sound. Half moan. Half whimper.

This is wrong. This is so wrong.

But it felt good. So good it hurt.

The mark on my neck was burning now. Each pulse sending waves of pleasure through me.

Kaelen's other hand slid down my side. Over my ribs. My hip.

I arched into his touch. Couldn't help it.

Stop. You need to stop.

But I didn't want to stop. Wanted more. Wanted everything.

His lips moved to my jaw. My throat. Right over the mark.

I gasped. My nails dug into his shoulders.

"Seraphine," he breathed against my skin.

The sound of my name in his voice—rough, desperate—made something inside me melt.

My defenses crumbling. The anger fading.

Maybe this is okay. Maybe we can—

An image flashed through my mind.

Red hair catching the light like fire.

Vespera's hand on his arm. Tracing up. Following muscle.

Her fingers brushing his jaw. His neck.

Her mouth at his ear. That bright, silvery laugh.

Kaelen smiling. Really smiling. At HER.

My stomach twisted.

The heat flooding my body turned cold. Then scalding.

He was touching her this morning. Looking at her like—

And now he's touching me. Is that all I am? Just another body? Just—

No.

I shoved him.

Hard. With every ounce of strength in my body.

Kaelen rocked back. Surprise flashing across his face.

I scrambled out from under him. Got to my feet.

My whole body was shaking. From cold. From rage. From disgust.

"What—" he started.

My hand cracked across his face.

The sound echoed through the forest. Sharp. Final.

A red handprint bloomed on his cheek.

We stared at each other. Both breathing hard.

The gold was fading from his eyes. Replaced by shock.

"Go find Vespera," I spat. Voice shaking with fury. "I'm not your fucking tool for getting off."