***Content Warning**: This chapter may contain content that some readers may find upsetting or triggering (e.g., gaslighting, manipulation).*
Wednesday Afternoon
Tamia
The new year came and went, and soon my second semester of college had started. Watson and I were still talking and spending time together, but we had only gone on one other date since the double date with Jason and Abi. It was another double date, this time with Harley and her boyfriend Wallis.
Today, I was in Watson's dorm room and we were studying for our first biology quiz... well, I was trying to study. Watson was just staring at me.
"What?" I asked, playfully.
He was just staring and smiling. Finally he said, "It's kind of hot in here." Then he took off his shirt. "You hot too?"
"No," I replied. "I'm fine."
Watson was still smiling as he got up from the floor and walked over to his thermostat. I assumed that he was turning on the air conditioner, although it was January and it was pretty cool outside. I soon realized that he'd turned the heat on. He walked back over to where I was sitting and sat really close to me.
"You're so beautiful," he said to me.
"Thanks," I said shyly. I wasn't sure if I should compliment him back, but I didn't have time to say anything else because he started kissing my neck.
I was gonna lie, it felt really good, but I wasn't comfortable because something was bothering me.
His kisses started to move toward my lips, so I quickly cut him off.
"Watson, wait," I said.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
I paused for a moment. I didn't know how to ask what I wanted to ask. Watson and I have been "seeing" each other for a while now, but we've never made anything official. We've also only ever been on two dates, and it was always with another couple. This made it seem more casual than intimate, meaning that I don't think that he sees a true future with me.
"What are we?" I finally asked.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"We hang out occasionally," I answered. "I mean, we've only been on two dates and both were with another couple. Is this going anywhere?"
Now Watson was silent. I didn't know how he was going to respond, but this needed to be said. Plus, I wanted to know if he wanted a relationship with me.
"Look," he finally answered, "I really like you."
"Okay," I said. "So are we going to start a relationship?"
Watson took a deep breath and was silent again. I was starting to worry. I already had my doubts because he was starting to remind me so much of Larry. Larry hardly ever wanted to go in dates with me, but at least he did officially say he wanted a relationship.
"When's the last time you heard from your friend Jason?" he asked.
"Jason?" I asked, surprised. "What does he have to do with anything?" Then it hit me. Maybe he was only trying to get to Jason through me. Watson was still only locally famous, and he did talk about the music business with Jason on our double date.
"I just wanted to know if you talked to him," Watson said.
"Not since the double date," I said, narrowing my eyes. "You know what, I can't believe this."
"What?" he asked.
"You're only with me because I'm friends with a superstar!" I said exclaimed.
"That's ridiculous," Watson said. "I've wanted to get to know you before I even knew you were friends with him."
Even though that was true, something was telling me that Watson wasn't telling the truth. Yes, he may have wanted to get to know me at first, but once he knew that I was friends with Jason... something changed. We were still stagnant in our... whatever this situation is.
"That's true," I said calmly. "But why haven't you asked me to be your girlfriend yet?" If he was truly interested in me, I assume that we would have established a relationship by now. But if he isn't, why does he keep wanting to see me?
"Are you kidding me?" Watson asked, sounding only slightly irritated. "We've only been seeing each other for two months."
"So why were you just trying to make a move on me?" I asked. Maybe a sexual relationship is all he wanted from me, but to me that was just as bad as using me to get to Jason. Plus, I wasn't into that.
"You're overreacting," Watson said nonchalantly.
Now I was getting mad, but I didn't want to show it because I knew what Watson was doing. I knew because Larry used to do the same thing.
"Watson," I said calmly. "You said you wanted to get to know me, but we haven't really talked about much of anything. The only thing we really talk about is music and our double date with Jason and Abi."
"Okay," Watson said, almost laughing, "now I see what's going on, and I knew it all along. You've been secretly seeing Jason behind my back."
Now I was really mad. "What?" I asked, almost screaming. I was so taken aback by his statement, but I also knew that he was trying to gaslight me.
"You heard me," he said. He still hadn't changed his demeanor. "Maybe you're trying to throw it in my face that you're friends with a huge star."
"So you're telling me that you only asked about Jason because you think we're secretly dating?" I asked, regaining my composure.
"Why else would I ask?" Watson replied.
It was very clear to me what he was doing. I've only taken two psychology classes, but I knew that he was trying to make me think that all of the things that I knew to be true were only in my head.
"Watson," I said calmly as I gathered my things. "I really think you should take advantage of counseling services on campus."
He finally stopped smirking and furrowed his brow. I opened up the door to his dorm— which was a true dorm because the door led to the hallway. I didn't get violent vibes from him, but I wanted there to be witnesses— just in case.
"And you're right," I said, "I do have feelings for Jason." I felt that I needed to admit this to myself as well as Watson, because it wasn't untrue. "But we've never dated."
At this point, I was halfway out of the door and I had just one more thing to say.
"By the way," I continued, "Jason said that you have true talent." After that, I walked out the door and closed it behind me.
I couldn't help it; tears flowed down my eyes as I exited Watson's dorm. I really liked him at first, but I am glad that he showed me his true colors before our situationship turned into anything else. Everything I said to him was true: I *do* still have feelings for Jason, and Jason did think that Watson's music was good. But I still couldn't help but feel like I was rejected by two guys. Watson obviously only wanted a sexual relationship or to get close to me to get close to Jason. The good news about losing him is that he was a scumbag, so losing him was a good thing. Still, I felt like I'd lost Jason... again.
By the time I'd made it back to my dorm room, my phone started buzzing. Someone was calling me, but I didn't want to talk to anyone— well there was one person. But he wasn't here. He said he'd always be there for me but he wasn't, and it wasn't really his fault.
Without thinking, I angrily answered my phone.
"Hello?"