Chapter 47 Ease my pain:
Isla’s POV.
My mind hadn’t been at peace since I returned from visiting my father.
I didn’t tell Damian what he had said to me, even when he kept asking if I was okay on our ride home.
Even when he had personally sent me to my room himself, I still didn’t find the courage to tell him that my father had urged me to get pregnant for him.
I lay on my bed, head held up to the ceiling.
My body flared hot and cold at the same time.
“You’re either getting pregnant to gain a solid foothold in the Romanos or you forget ever setting your eyes on your siblings ever again.”
My body rolled to the other side of the bed, and then back to where it was.
My throat tightened, the air in my lungs felt heavy as if being choked by someone.
No matter how pressured and desperate he wanted me to be, I wouldn’t bring myself to do it.
I spread a foot to the other side of the bed, pressing a pillow down on my face.
My chest felt so heavy, like it was being suppressed.
“Do we have to do this all the time?” I kicked my other foot on the silk duvet.
“Urrrgh! This is bullshit.” I slowly stood from the bed and dragged my feet to the window.
I shouldn’t let my father control me all the time.
If I let him keep breaking me, then he will not stop until he takes my life, just like he did to my mother.
He shouldn’t have any leverage over me. I have to face it, no matter how hard it looks.
The mansion looked calm, but the guards and servants still moved around.
The lights were on as usual, but there was the war going on inside my head.
I doubted if I would be strong enough to face it.
The room felt hotter and smaller now as my blood steamed.
I let out a deep sigh, clutching my hands to my chest.
My legs moved toward the door now. Maybe I needed a drink and some fresh air to get myself together.
Because I was really suffocating in these thoughts.
“Click,” I pulled the door handle, and stepped outside.
The hallway looked brighter, and a few guards stood around.
They all bowed when I walked past them.
I went straight to the kitchen to get myself some drinks.
“Can’t sleep?” I didn’t answer, I just nodded and walked past.
My hands found the handle of the freezer, pulled it open, there weren't any drinks on it, just water.
I headed for the wine store room.
“What are you looking for?”
I ignored him. My hand slipped on a Moscow Mule in front of me.
“Yes, that’s it.”
I reached for a tumbler and then moved to the direction of the garden.
“Where are you going? Since when did you start drinking? Talk to me, Isla.”
“I need some time alone,” I murmured, disappearing into the night.
I poured myself a glass of vodka. One sip, and then boom…. I was gasping for air.
“What the fuck! Shit!” I almost coughed my heart out.
“Easy, girl,” his voice came from behind.
“What are you doing here? I said I needed some time alone.”
“I was just checking up on you.”
“You don’t need to,” I replied.
He closed the distance between us now, patting my shoulders with both hands.
“You’ve been acting weird since we came back from your father’s. Is everything okay?”
“What did he say to you? Did he threaten you with your siblings again?”
I lifted the glass for another sip, he held it midway.
“Stop drinking. You’re getting me worried sick.”
“Let me go! I want more… let me drink…” I blurted.
“Not when I’m here,” he poured the drink into his mouth.
“Come on, talk to me sweetheart. What’s getting you so worked up tonight?”
“Nothing… I… I.. just feel like being alone tonight.”
“That’s strange, not the Isla I know. You look dull and miserable, honey.”
“Can we at least talk about it?” He said, voice soft.
Even if I wanted to, I didn’t dare to. I was vibrating inside of me.
I hesitated for a few seconds. Tears gathered in my eyes, but I refused to let it out.
Even if I wanted to, I didn’t know how.
How do I even summon the courage to tell him something so shameless?
I shook my head. “Nah.”
I know that I love him, without doubt. My heart beats for him.
The love I felt for him was something beyond my reach.
That love that burned like a wild fire. An unquenchable fire.
I didn’t know I’d love him this much, it all started like a joke.
Being grateful was another thing, but falling in love with your husband’s twin brother was out of the world.
And I know he loves me too…. But that didn’t mean I should take advantage of him, that wasn’t human.
I didn’t want to make it look like I’m forcing myself on him.
That could kill the feelings he had claimed to have for me.
And when he does, then my life would be worse than hell.
My husband didn’t really care about me, nobody ever does.
I just couldn’t bring myself to face him.
My hands shook on the cup I was holding. I could feel my pulse slamming my ribs.
The way he looked at me, those eyes, they always know how to make me melt.
He had this soft spot for me. Like he wouldn’t do without me.
I lifted my head, facing him now. My eyes blurred with alcohol and desire.
I tried fighting it off. This shouldn’t be happening… “No, you can’t tell him.”
What if he starts hating me after telling him why I was drowning myself in alcohol?
My hands moved before my brain did. I grabbed his shirt, his face was closer to mine now.
And then, my mouth found his… without a second thought, I kissed him.