Chapter 09: Crush Not Crushed Does every girl have that one guy they will crush on forever? Because forever is a long time and time is something I never cared much about. But while I sat in Luke's car, listening to his music and laughing at what he said, I wanted time to freeze. Or at least slow down. Just a little bit. We drove into our neighborhood, and Luke slowed the car down as we passed by a playground. It was deserted. Orange swings moved in the breeze and a seesaw creaked. "I met Austin in that playground over twelve years ago," he reminisced, pointing outside, "He used to live near us, before his family moved to the other side of town." I was imagining a baby Luke and Austin meeting. "You met Austin here?" I asked, surprised that a playground was their beginning. I guess a summer camp was ours. "Gloria was chaperoning," he smiled, "She was still looking after him back then." Gloria's a real OG. She's taken care of the boys growing up - been there since the beginning. "My dad used to take me and my sister here on Saturdays," I said, "He always made me do the monkey bars." "That's why you have that upper body strength," Luke joked and added, "You never talk about your dad. Where is he now?" That changed the mood real quick. I'll admit I was a bit surprised that Luke noticed that about me. "Who?" "Your dad." Yeah. Who? "He lost our address," I said. "He has insomnia, he's still at the store buying milk and he's stranded on a desert island." All of the above. Option A, B or C. Truthfully, I wanted to lie. I wanted to say that my parents were divorced, and my father was living on the east coast with a new wife and a stepchild named Olaf that we visit once a year. But the truth is embarrassing. He abandoned all responsibility. He just left and never left us with any closure. How do I explain this to someone who has a protective (maybe even overprotective) father? I've only met Mr Dawson a couple times – in some pretty awkward scenarios – and I saw how devoted he was to his son and his son's career. So I didn't lie. And, unfortunately, the truth isn't satisfying. It's a big fat question mark. ? "He's where?" Luke asked, "Minnie? Minnie, are you ok?" Luke had pulled over and gotten out of the car. He'd come over to my side and opened the door, taking my hands in his as he stared closely at me. I hadn't noticed any of this. I'd been lost in my thoughts. "Olaf," I sighed. "I know this is a very serious moment," Luke said quietly, trying not to smile, "but you say the most random things sometimes." "What?" I asked, snapping out of it. "Who's Olaf?" "If only there was an Olaf." "Minnie, what are you saying?" "Luke!" I responded, pecking him on the cheek and undoing my seatbelt, "I'm glad you stopped here. Let's go into the playground. I haven't been here in years." I stepped onto the grass and fallen leaves crunched under my sneakers. I could hear Luke follow me and I needed the fresh air. We'd gone from fun to serious in two seconds flat and I needed a moment. I don't like to think about my dad anymore. It hasn't come up much, except when my mother reminisces about the old days. After he left, we weren't able to keep up with the lifestyle of this neighborhood. Families like the Dawsons were comfortable in their worlds. And we hid ours. I'm grateful to my mother for managing to keep the house, even though there wasn't much in it. "We lived opposite each other our whole lives," Luke said, walking in the playground by my side, "And never once met. Can you believe that?" I looked at him now. His strong and athletic build. His carefree and confident attitude. Luke had fallen firmly into my life and I was grateful for that as well. I hope he wouldn't leave in the same way my... "It's true," I said, holding onto his hand, "We both played in this park and went to the same schools." "You remember the magician everyone hired for their kids' birthdays? The one that accidentally hit Charlie with his 'magic wand'?" "What?! What does that even mean? No, I don't remember a magician," And I didn't ask about his magic wand. "Oh!" I perked up, "Do you remember the ice cream truck that used to park here every day in the summer? That strawberry cream ice cream was so good." "Yeah, I remember that," Luke squeezed my hand, "My sister made me buy her weed from that guy." My face fell. "Ice cream Al was a dealer?" Like a sledgehammer, he was just destroying my childhood memories. Seeing my crushed expression, Luke said, "Let's not play this game anymore." He leant down and kissed me comfortingly. There is peace in ignorance. ** We returned to the car and drove the last few minutes to our street. Dupont Avenue. We lived in a very sleepy neighborhood and there was barely another car on the road. He took us to our homes and parked on my side of the street. This time, when we arrived, it wasn't the usual goodbye. He switched off the ignition, turned to me and with his charismatic smile, asked, "Your place or mine?" I blinked. "Both." "Uh..." Luke looked confused, "Ok?" "As in," I explained, "you go to your place and I go to mine." I bet he didn't expect that. Mr I'm-too-hot-for-a-daytime-fantasy. Luke's blue eyes froze on me. I guess I'm going to have to explain that. Bluntly, I said, "I'm not ready for sex." A very awkward silence followed. I really stuck my foot in it this time. Well, let's not pretend. I stick my foot in it most times. I braced myself. My explanations usually make things worse but here goes, "I don't want to give you any mixed signals and I don't want to feel pressure to do the-" Luke predicted my next words, "You're going to use some weird way to say sex now." "Do the naughty," I finished. "But I was deciding between that or knocking boots." "Both are wrong," he rested his head against his hand, "But thank you for your honesty." I laughed. I couldn't help myself and he smiled reluctantly. "I wasn't trying to go there," Luke said seriously, "I wanted to hang out more with you. And maybe make out some more." "But no pressure," I repeated. I really wanted to make that clear. He had a reputation of sleeping with a few girls already – heck, I'd even seen him the morning after while we were at summer camp. And that just wasn't going to be me. "We've only been dating for a week," I reminded him, "But it's been a good week." "One hell of a week," he smiled and unlocked the doors for me, "OK, Minnie. I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams." It's only 7PM but I'll let that one slide. "Goodnight Luke," I smiled back, kissing his soft lips, before jumping out of the car. He rolled the windows down after I left and was about to drive across the street, when I stopped him. "Why d'you keep the windows up while I was in the car?" Random question I know, but I've gotten used to Luke's driving and he usually likes the windows down. "I don't want a wasp flying in and stinging you again," he winked. "You know your luck, Minnie." Yeah and it's god damn terrible. ** I had butterflies in my stomach when I came home. I've started to get familiar with them. The butterflies come after I spend time alone with Luke. "Hey Flora," I waved to my sister as I walked up the stairs to my bedroom. She didn't even look up. He makes me smile. We joke and then we talk seriously. Our relationship is maturing, I realized. When we first met, we had chemistry built around mocking each other. Now we also build each other up. But a good mocking doesn't go unappreciated. I arrived on the second floor and froze in my footsteps. Too stunned to move. My backpack slipped off my shoulders and crashed on the floor next to my feet. I was three feet from my bedroom door. It was shut. But there was a basketball jersey hanging on the doorknob and it was dripping in blood.