Chapter 84: Aftermath It's easier to forgive when you can understand. My father had descended into a mental state where he believed that walking away from his family was the right thing to do. I couldn't know for sure and I couldn't understand how a person gets to that point. I felt angry that he'd felt that way. Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if I understood, but then again, I don't think I'll ever understand. "We spoke about a week before he left," Mr Dawson said, and I stifled my thoughts to hear him speak. Mr Dawson was talking as if he could picture my father standing in front of him. "I could see that he hadn't slept in a while and he was a tormented man. " Mr Dawson put his head in his hands and pressed them against his knees, rocking backwards and forward in his chair. This outburst of emotion took me by surprise. I would never have expected that from Luke's dad. Luke's stern, collected and disapproving father. I heard him exhale in pain and I couldn't tell if he was crying. "He came to me for advice and I regret what I told him," Mr Dawson said. The rest of us hadn't moved an inch. We were all living in the shadow of the past, haunted by the past and - from the way Luke's father was reacting - afraid of the past. Mr Dawson looked up and his eyes were red. The story was no longer about me. He was looking at his son. And for once, it wasn't Luke. Jake. "I'm sorry," Mr Dawson said, and his voice cracked from the pain. Jake was sitting next to me and I couldn't bear to look at him. I didn't want to see the emotion on his face, because it felt like a violation of his privacy. I've had enough private and embarrassing moments play out in front of other people to know what it feels like. Mr Dawson said, "I left you and your mom, and I carry that guilt with me every day. I created a friction in my family where my own kids hate me and each other." Mrs Dawson had her hand pressed over her mouth but the tears in her eyes betrayed her. She was always so put together, but here, she was breaking apart. "I can never know why your father left, Millie, but I tell you that the feeling of emasculation, of being unworthy, can lead to major depression. And when people are scared or in that headspace, they make decisions which may not be morally right." Mrs Dawson unintentionally sobbed and tried to control her sound. Charlotte stood up from next to me on the couch and went to hug her mother. Jake was sitting to my left and Luke was standing across the room. I felt like this conversation was breaking us. The truth was bringing us all closer together and still, somehow, breaking us apart. I opened my lips, but the words came out quietly, "What did you tell my dad?" The joint pain in this room was reaching heights, but I needed to push through it. There was more than one story to tell. I needed to hear everything, even if it broke me. They say that the truth will set you free. Will it? "I told him my story," Mr Dawson said and he gazed off into the distance, like he was reliving the conversation in this moment. "In a way, that may have encouraged him to leave. Your dad and I don't have much in common, except for our greatest f*ck up. We both left a family vulnerable." I didn't realize I was crying until a tear dropped on my hand. I looked down at it and that tore me apart from my trance. I saw Jake's knee next to mine and his fingers were clenched around the arm of the sofa. If I looked at him, I'd probably break down. It must be taking so much strength for Jake not to cry too. "I don't know where your dad is and I don't think he knows how to make things better," Mr Dawson continued, "Sometimes we make mistakes we can't recover from. At least your dad had a more honorable reason for leaving his-" "Dad," Charlotte gasped, shocked that he was calling himself dishonorable for marrying her mother. Mr Dawson tried to focus on the story, "But looking back, I think it was too late. Your dad worried he was taking your mom down with him, but he already had." I clutched my hands together, holding onto myself tight. "That's why you called social services?" "Kids are innocent, and they deserve a chance," Mr Dawson confirmed it. "Oh honey," Mrs Dawson shook her head, hiding her face behind her hands. Charlotte was beside her, holding onto her mother. Luke looked from his mother back to his father. Mt Dawson sat back and finally let the past slip away. He realized what 'his truth' had done to everyone in the room. We were two families, living a broken life on the same street. His family hid it better than mine, but the wounds were still there. Time doesn't heal all wounds. How did we even get here? It's crazy to think that if Luke and I hadn't gotten together, we wouldn't have unlocked this story about my past. What do I do from here? Mr Dawson exhaled like his own soul was coming out. For a man who showed little emotion, this was not a usual display for him. I wonder if he felt lighter with that confession. His wife and daughter were in tears and Jake was silently mourning beside me. Mr Dawson stood up and closed the subject, "That's enough for now." He walked towards the door, but his son stopped him. Charlotte and Mrs Dawson were crying at the guilt their father now carried with his new family. Jake and I were emotionally battered, reliving how our fathers had walked out on us. Luke was the only one who wasn't breaking down right now. Why not? Shouldn't he? "One more question," Luke said in a tone of voice I couldn't recognize. There was no warmth in it. "Why did you call him now?" That was the question.