Chapter 61: Siren Call I love the guy, don't I? I love him because a day doesn't end well if he and I don't kiss. And I don't want to see a day that isn't just like this. "Song lyrics, for sure," I mumbled, typing them out to Jake. But then I paused and deleted the message before sending. Sometimes I forget to think before I send. Writing to Jake about my love for Luke was not a sensitive move. I was alone in my room, while the sounds downstairs started to get louder. The clock was ticking closer to evening and I was a little nervous for New Year's. Cearra had done my make-up. I felt it on my face. This was the first time I was wearing fake eyelashes and my lips were covered in cherry red lipstick. We had chosen a more natural eye shadow to balance out the dramatic lips. I sound like I know what I'm talking about. Ha. I walked to the closet and picked out a red dress. It was my New Year's Eve dress, which Nicole had lent me. Short and playful, the ends flared out as I moved. (picture 7 on my Instagram Oct-21) The lipstick matched my dress. I slipped into the dress and struggled to zip it up. Finally, I plucked black heels from out of my suitcase and strapped those on. I asked myself, "I think I'm ready?" I scrutinized myself in the mirror, barely recognizing the girl staring back. I looked at myself from as many angles as possible, trying to catch any flaws in the outfit. My skirt wasn't stuck in my underwear, so I guess that's a good sign. I slipped my phone, credit card and ID into a black handbag and picked up the plastic bag on my bed. Cearra had brought it for me – it was going to be a surprise for Luke. I shivered, partly from my nerves. I had never tried this hard to look good. Would he like it? Would tonight be the beginning of a new chapter? Tomorrow will be a new year, which makes today the last day to make this one unforgettable. My phone vibrated with a text from Luke: You coming down? I guess so. I opened the door and left the safety of my bedroom. A small part of me wanted to hide under the covers. I was scared of the background noise – the people who would judge me and call me a try-hard. I couldn't silence those inner voices, but I could ignore them. Music was on loudly in the living room as they started pre-gaming. I heard the sound of beer cracking open and casual talking. My heels clicked against the surface of the staircase as I walked down. My heart was pounding in my chest. What would they say when they saw me? What would he say? The living room was already in pregame mode. Alcohol had been brought out, NYE themed balloons floated on the ceiling and music was pumping out of the speakers. Chad was posing between Oma and Bianca beside his white Christmas tree while Cearra took the photo. They looked incredible. He was in a three-piece navy suit. Oma was glowing in an Ankara print dress. Cearra was killing it in a gold long-sleeved but short dress and Bianca wore a glittery pink spaghetti strap dress. I stopped at the foot of the doorway, standing between the living room and the hall. Why was I afraid to be seen? What am I doing hiding? So embarrassing. I really needed to take this intensity down a notch. This isn't a big deal. Is this me trying to fit in? At least when I didn't fit in before, it didn't look like I was trying. That's what left me feeling so exposed; the idea of rejection when I'm trying to be accepted. I stopped peering in like a giraffe and took one step inside. And then another. OK, I can walk. That's always a good first step. Punny. I hadn't tripped over my high heels yet, but I was being extra cautious. The last thing I needed was public humiliation. Wouldn't be the first time, though. I saw Luke sitting on the couch, leaning forwards with his phone in his hands. He was talking to Austin before he looked back down at his phone, waiting for a text. I wondered if he was waiting for me. He'd sent me a text asking if I was coming down and I hadn't responded. I couldn't respond. Luke was looking good. I was used to his laid-back style, but this put-together look had me swooning. Yes, I said it. He looked mature and confident. His soft lips moved as he spoke to Austin. He was mid-sentence when his eyes glanced in my direction and locked on me. He stopped talking. The words literally fell out of his mouth and his sentence was left unfinished. I wasn't used to seeing guys in suits. His button up shirt showed off how slender his upper torso was, as it stretched over his broad shoulders but tapered down to his waist. He stood up from the couch and the shirt creased around his shoulders as they moved. He slipped his hands into his pockets, smoothly leaving his phone inside, and the movement stretched his shirt to reveal more of his skin under his collarbone. Be still, my heart. I don't know why I ever leave him alone when he sets my senses ablaze like this. A few seconds ago, I had been worried about all the wrong things. Now, those thoughts were background noise. Could I ever be as smooth as he is? Luke moves with confidence and... coordination. I know I set a low bar. Luke's handsome features looked even sharper this close. I wanted to trace my fingers across every inch of his face. "Can I kiss you?" he asked me, his hands reached out to rest on my hips. I let his mouth rest on my lips. My eyes closed as I kissed Luke. I forgot everything. He was passionate, causing me to take a step back. His hands moved from my waist to around my back while he kissed me. He was kissing me while he guided me backwards to the hallway and towards a side room. Like I said, he's coordinated. "YAS!" Cearra yelled out and clapped, "GET ITTT!" "Guys! We need to go!" Chad called out, pointing at his shiny watch. "We'll be right back," Luke responded, sounding like he wouldn't care if we left for 100 years. I wouldn't care. Give me the elixir of life and I'll go anywhere. What am I even saying? My mind is literally melting because of him. His touch was making me disintegrate and I was trying to think of anything to avoid melting into a puddle in front of him. I held the bag in my fingers, his gift, but it wasn't the right time.