Chapter 35: Miss Bo Peep *Millie's POV* We sat on the back rim of Dr Taylor's open-top car and looked out at the sunrise. There was a stillness in the air now that the boys had gone. Luke, Austin and Jake were still inside the hospital and we were waiting for Austin to drive us home in his mom's car. Annika glanced over to me and said, "When I first met Jake, he had this bad boy vibe about him but he's actually a total sweetheart. I never expected that, when I came to his hometown, his brother was the heartbreaker around here." "Luke?" I asked, surprised she was bringing him up like that. "Yeah. I mean," she gave me an obvious look, "He's hot. You've obviously noticed that. How did you choose between them?" In the short time that Annika's been here, she's managed to dive deep into the crevices of the Dawson's family psychology. I shouldn't be surprised that she was turning her skills on me. I had to think about it for a little. How do I explain to an outsider what it's like to be in my relationship? So I gave it my best shot. "Luke's got this energy, this determination, about him. He treats life with no fear. He's fun, kind, smart and caring," I said and chose my next words carefully, "He makes me feel like I can be somebody." I am somebody. Luke goes after what he wants, no holds barred. Truthfully, my self-confidence has been a real holdup for me. I've seen a lot of disappointment in my life that I hesitate to dream. But watching Luke's conviction and his confidence when he goes after what he wants... it's slowly making me rethink that. "I hope you don't mind if I ask," Annika continued, folding one leg under the other, "Jake told me that you agreed to go on a date with him not long before you started dating Luke. What was that about?" I stared down at my hands. I could hear the judgement in her voice, and I didn't blame her. That self-confidence problem - I've really gotten myself into a pickle because of it. "Looking back, it was a mistake," I admitted. "I was confused. Doesn't that happen to others?" Annika gave it to me straight. "Confused or not, it sounds like you played with them. Didn't you kiss both brothers?" I kissed Luke. Jake kissed me, but I ran away. It's not the same thing but I didn't want to argue with Annika. I definitely messed up because I took too long. "Luke was someone I hesitated to be with, because I was scared of how much he could hurt me," I told her truthfully, "I've lived opposite him my whole life and we go to the same school. He was a player. He's never been serious with anyone and, even last summer, he dumped a girl he was seeing within a month. I was scared to be next." "Couldn't you tell the difference between what you had with him and what he had with other girls?" Annika asked me. "I knew what I felt, and I knew what he was telling me he felt," I said, finding it difficult to explain. How do you explain to a confident girl how being unconfident feels like? I tried it another way, "At the beginning, Luke was quick to say something incredible and then follow up with an insult. He's called me nerdy, heavy, unattractive and I'm meant to just forgive all of that? So, yeah, it took me time and it took him changing." "OK but if you were so confused, why did you accept the date with Jake?" Annika was really going in on me. I answered, "I thought Luke and I were really done. I thought he was seeing a girl called Jamie, but it turns out he wasn't." Annika nodded as if this was a classic case. "Sounds like you jumped to conclusions too quickly." She should really be a therapist. "I didn't once before and I regret that," I explained, "My ex-boyfriend cheated on me and it took me a long time to realize that." "Why didn't you just speak to Luke? Why couldn't you ask him about it?" "Let me repeat myself. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me. That means that when I asked him about it, he lied to me. So my trust levels aren't all there, OK? I realize I could've sabotaged the best relationship I've ever been in but that's on me." Gosh, it sucks saying that out loud. Annika went quiet. She then sat up straighter as if she was about to say something, so I said, "Can you not ask me any more questions, please? I don't mean to be rude, but this is my private life and I feel like I've said what I'm comfortable saying." She exhaled, "I'm sorry. I get carried with questions and my mom tells me I pry too much into people's lives." "No it's ok," I said. "You must be sick of people asking about your relationship," Annika said, "I haven't been here long but I can see that this town has an unhealthy obsession with the Dawson brothers." "Yeah," I smiled, guilty of it too, "Maybe it's in the tap water." I hopped off the back of Dr Taylor's open-top car and looked around at the near empty car park. It was so late, but I felt awake. I found it hard to believe that I spent most of my night here. "Ubuntu," Annika suddenly said. "Sorry?" I asked her, not understanding. Annika leaned towards me to explain, "It's from a zulu phrase and the literal translation is that a person is a person through other people. I am because you are." I listened closely to what she said next. Annika said, "I am sorry if, by my questions, I imposed my views onto you. I should not judge you. I have my flaws too and the moment I stop using I is when I begin to understand ubuntu. We are interconnected and you aren't alone. I can feel with you." ** ** It was past 5AM by the time Austin dropped us off on Dupont Avenue. This really has been the weekend that never ends. I was still contemplating my conversation with Annika that went unexpectedly deep. It took my thinking to a different dimension. She put compassion above judgement. "Thanks for saving us, Austin," I hugged him from the backseat of his mom's car before I hopped out, "It's so late." He waved it off, "I was already awake." Annika slid out of the back seat, "Thanks! And tell your mom she's a boss lady." Austin laughed, "I'll tell her. See you in a couple hours."