“What?! You want me to marry that man?” napaawang ang bibig ko sa narinig.
I can’t just marry a stranger!
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa isip ng mga ama ko para ipinagkanulo ako sa taong di ko kilala. I’m still not ready for it, heaven sake! I still want to venture out on many things. Wala pa nga akong napapatunayan.
“Our decision is final, Celestia. Besides, he is a good man. I’m sure you can get along with him.” Wow! They are so sure na mabait ang mapapangasawa ko. Ni-hindi man lang nila pinaringgan ang magiging desisyon ko.
“What about my opinion, then?” lakas loob kong tanong sa kanila. I diverted my attention to my dad who was just quiet. “Ikaw, dad. Would you really approve of me marrying someone? To a person that I don’t have even feelings with?”
“If that’s what’s best for you, then yes, Celestia. We still have a meeting to attend so if you excuse us, darling.”
Hindi ako makapaniwalang tumingin sa mga ito. Dad tried to kiss my cheeks but I stepped back. How could they?
Out of frustration, I pushed the vase nearby that created a deafening noise that echo the house. Nagkabasag-basag ang mga iyon at nagkanda pira-piraso. Napa-atras rin ako dahil sa gulat.
“I-I’m sorr---“ natataranta kong tugon at tinignan ang mga bubog na nasa sahig.
“That’s enough Celestia Quinn! Hindi ka lalabas ng bahay hangga’t hindi ko sinasabi, maliwanag?!” unti-unti akong tumango. My vision started to get cloudy because of the unwanted feelings inside. I’m hurt. How could they rush such a decision like that?
I glanced at Roseanna and clenched my fist. Who is she by the way? Wala siyang karapatan pang himasukan ang buhay ko. I’m enraged and I don’t know where would this frustration can lead me.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita si daddy na nakatingin sakin. He let out a low smile before turning their back at me. I want to beg at him to just give me my happiness. To be free… and to finally feel that someone is not controlling me.
“But I’m just 25, dad…” paos kong sabi habang tinitignan ang papalayo nilang bulto. I let out a harsh breath and urged myself to calm down. God knows how much I want to be excluded from this narrative, but I just couldn’t leave it behind.
“It’s okay, Celestia. It’s okay…” But I can’t.
Unti-unti akong napadausdos sa sahig. Not minding those shards from the broken vase awhile ago. I let myself drown in my own grief. Nag-uunahang kumawala ang mga butil ng luha sa mga mata ko.
How could they ruin my life?
Naramdaman ko ang pagdaloy ng kung anong likido sa paa ko. When I looked down, I saw myself bleeding. May isang bubog pa ang nanatili sa paa ko. I didn’t even notice the pain that it caused.
“Celestia, anak. Ay jusko kang bata ka! Anong nangyari sa’yo?” mabilis akong dinaluhan ni Manang Glenda at inakay pa-upo sa pang-isahang sofa.
“Helen! Mercy! Pakidala ng first aid kit rito at nang magamot natin si Celestia. Jusko anak, ano bang nasa isip mo at lumapit kapa sa basag na plorera.” Inenspeksyon niya ang paa ko at nakita ang malaki kong sugat.
“Manang…”
“Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo, anak? Lumiban kana muna sa trabaho mo para makapagpahinga ka.”
Sinalat nito ang noo ko at umupo sa tabi ko. Out of the blue, I hugged Manang Glenda tightly. Gumanti naman ito ng yakap at ipinahilig ang ulo ko sa balikat nito. I’m glad that Manang Glenda is here. Somehow, the heavy burden inside me lighten.
“Asus, naglalambing ang alaga ko. O sya, wag kang mag-alala at lulutuan kita ng paborito mong nilagang baboy. Alam kong gustong-gusto mo ‘yun.” A genuine smile came out on my lips.
Alam talaga nito kung ano ang gusto ko kainin kapag masama ang pakiramdam ko
“I’m gonna miss you so much…” Halos hindi na lumabas iyon sa bibig ko.
“Bakit, anak? Saan ka ba pupunta?” takang tanong niya sa’kin. Matamis lang akong ngumiti sa kaniya at yumakap ulit.
“Kung mawawala man ako ay wag kang mag-alala sa akin, Manang ah? I will put myself to safety always,” pilit kong pinasigla ang boses kahit meron na namang nagbabadyang luha sa mga mata ko.
This house is not healthy for me anymore. I need to breathe somehow. To find inner peace and to feel solace. Wala naman sigurong masama ‘run diba?
If leaving the house would be the way to have that, then why won’t I leave by now?