Chapter 9

My heart was pounding and my hairline was damp under my ponytail. My skates sprayed ice up on a sharp stop, coating Beck with ice as he took his helmet off. A light laugh bubbled from my lips as I slid my own helmet on the ice towards the bench, watching Beck roll his eyes at me. “You’re a child,” Beck’s deep laugh filled the empty arena as I stripped off my gloves and the large pads on my legs with my bulky arm guard.

“Says the man who dumped his entire water bottle on me during last game.” I couldn’t help but take off my jersey and strip out of my clunky goalie pads before putting the yellow jersey with the number 7 printed on it in

Navy blue back on. I was nervous but not because of what happened last weekend. There was something I had to tell Beck but I didn’t want to yet. I didn’t want to hurt him; for him to think that I didn’t trust him, because I valued our friendship. I truly did. This week had been hell, and I honestly was more than glad Beck and I weren’t in an awkward limbo anymore. Granted, that had been completely my doing.

“Yeah, thanks for that, you fool. I was freezing the whole time,” I scoffed while skating towards Beck on the empty rink, bumping into him playfully. He reached to wrap his arm around my waist but I was already taking off across the ice towards the other end. I heard Beck push off on his skates behind me, speeding after me with all of his talent. Despite being a well rounded hockey player, my goalie skills were not on par with Beck’s speedy center abilities. There was a reason he was a top prospect and the captain of the best hockey team in the

NCAA.

Beck’s agility lended him luck when he grabbed my hips with his large hands, pulling me down onto the ice so my padded ass hit the ground, making sure not to pull my head down. “You break me and Finn will kill you!” I laughed as my hand grabbed his leg, pulling it out from under him. Beck’s large body hit the ground right next to me, both of us sitting on our asses in the middle of the empty rink. We had stayed after practice to get some extra time on the ice as we usually did at least once a week, but now I was just fucking around. In all honesty I just wanted to delay the inevitable. Beck and I never talked about that kiss after last week, but there was nothing that needed to be said. I was simply doing a friend a favor.

When our laughter died down, Beck looked over at me from my left. “Are you going home for Christmas?”

“Why? Are you going to miss me?” I teased while punching his shoulder. Beck rubbed his padded arm, pretending it hurt and causing me to snort with humor.

“Nah. I have Axel and Seb to keep me entertained. I’m just trying to figure out how many practices my goalie is going to miss,” he shrugged innocently.

“I’m not going to New York if that’s what you’re asking. I haven’t spoken to my mother since I saw her in court almost five years ago,” I told Beck surprisingly honestly. That seemed to grab his undivided attention, the sudden shift in tone causing him to look at me fully, prompting me to go on if I wanted to. “She’s kind of a bitch. She never supported my hockey career or my relationship with my brother, especially my friendship with Sylvia. She never approved of Sylvia for God knows what reason. It’s led her to say some truly atrocious things over the years about Sylvia’s appearance

And what happened to her. Ironic considering how similar we appear.”

“She’s a serial cheater but my dad is too. They both have had more affairs than I can count. I just couldn’t stand her anymore. We got in a fight when I was almost sixteen when Finn came to visit me. Needless to say she told me to leave if I loved him so much, so I did.” I didn’t go into the court case, or cases, and Beck didn’t push me. For that I am glad because I wouldn’t have been able to explain the rest of it.

“I’m sorry, Danny,” Beck’s voice was filled with sincerity. “What about your dad? Do you talk to him?”

“Nope,” I popped the ‘p’ while looking back at the gem eyed college student. “Haven’t seen him since he spoke at my emancipation hearing. My brothers turn eighteen in two months. I left the house at fifteen and a half. That’s almost seven years since I’ve seen my brothers. I bet they barely remember

My name; I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Brothers?” Beck asked curiously with a raised eyebrow.

I couldn’t help but smirk at him. “Yeah. They’re twins. Scared they’ll reappear an beat the shit out of you for sleeping with me?”

Beck’s deep laugh filled the stadium again, bringing a smile to my face. He had one of those infectious senses of humor that made you laugh from just being around him. “Unless one of them has become a UFC fighter, I think I’ll be fine.”

“That reminds me,” I brought up after snorting with laughter. “I never thanked for taking care of Thomas. I just got a little shaken up. I’m sorry for running off like that, I know you called Seb after.”

Beck shifted where he sat, his brow a little more tense with worry and his

Lips down turned. “That’s what friends are there for, Danny. I think anyone could understand why you would get shaken up. Seb sounded a little worried when I called him.”

I thought about asking what he meant by ‘anyone could understand’. Did he already know? He couldn’t. It was too buried for him to find unless he really searched for it. I let the question pass, not wanting to bring it up. Seb wouldn’t have told Beck either. I don’t even think Axel knows, unless he found out through someone else. He certainly never asked me about it. Instead, I opted to shift the topic back, fighting the urge to bite the corner of my lip in confusion and stress. “What about you? Going to Boston for Christmas?”

“Nah. My mom can handle not seeing me for one holiday. Maybe I’ll drive up while we don’t have classes, but I want to spend time with Aras.” Beck paused for a second, a darker look

Falling over his bright sapphire eyes as they flickered down to the ice we were sitting on. “He’s got stage three leukemia.”

I’d suspected as much when I saw him, but I didn’t want to assume. Ace had never said anything, so I chose to assume the best. I guess my mouthy nephew doesn’t like to talk about it, which makes sense. I wouldn’t want to talk about my best friend’s decaying health.

I suddenly felt like a dick and a half for asking Beck is he was really here for his brother after our first practice. “That’s why I came here. He doesn’t have much time left. The doctors thought the cancer would go into remission, but Aras doesn’t have enough blood cells to fight it anymore. The anemia’s starting to set in,” Beck’s voice cracked before he took a deep breath, resting his arms on his crossed knees and looking up at the ceiling. I wanted to reach out and put my arm

Over his shoulder, but I gave him his space. It was obvious Beck and his brother were close despite coming from different mothers. I guess in a way it was like Finn and I.

“He needs a bone marrow transplant,” Beck said eventually, looking back at me through the thick silence of the rink. Pain swirled in his blue eyes, suddenly looking a lot more cold than their usual warm hue. “The problem is no one in our family matches. You don’t need to have the same blood type, but certain blood types are more likely to have certain HLA genes. The problem is Aras is O negative. Sometimes all the money in the world can’t fix your problems.”

I hadn’t known until recently that Beck’s father was Khalif Sampson. He owned a huge cyber security company worth millions. There was just no one that matches his son and that was the problem. You can’t pay donors, even if they had one. It was a law meant to

Prevent extortion and favoring of the rich, but if anything it just kept people from finding ‘the kindness in their heart’ and donating. “Sorry doesn’t help, but just know I’m there for you, Beck. And I’m sorry I even questioned why you were here in the first place. I feel like an ass now.”

“It’s okay. I would have been a dick to you too if I were in your position, if we are being completely honest.” It wasn’t me who had to make the first move; instead it was Beck who put his heavy arm over my shoulders and pulled me into his warm and padded chest. “Do you miss your brothers?”

I had to think about it, and maybe that made me a shitty person, but it was the truth. “No,” I spoke honestly. “I was always busy with hockey and my mother and I were already clashing so they just kept out of it. In some ways I think they didn’t need me because they already had a built in best friend. So we never got that close and then I

Left when they were twelve. No one in my family was close. Even my parents. Why do you ask?”

“I’m trying to figure out how I’m going live without my brother,” he whispered while looking straight ahead. I watched the muscles in his sharp jaw shift under Beck’s darker skin in pain. I wish I could help my friend but I didn’t know how. I don’t think there was anything anyone could do to help him. It just took time.

“My parents divorced when I was four, so I didn’t exactly see my dad all the time. He lived in Boston for a while so I saw Aras all the time once he was born, but it wasn’t until I went to college that they moved to Westport. I mean, we’re eight years apart but he’s like my other half.”

“I spent my summers with Finn growing up. We’re fifteen years apart and Sylvia and Finn are my other halves too. If something happened to

Either one of them, I know for a fact I would never recover.” I had been through too much to lose Sylvia or Finn. They had helped me and been there for everything. They understood me. I wasn’t lying when I said Sylvia was like my blood sister.

On a lesser note, she’s even the one that inspired me to play men’s hockey and to fight for it. I was eternally grateful for both her and Finn.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. If I didn’t do it now I never would. “Beck, I want you to know that this whole time I’ve been speaking to you as a friend because I trust you a lot more than I’d like to admit. I just told you things I don’t even tell Seb, but I need to tell you something goalie to captain because I’m not ready to talk about it with anyone on a personal level.” I didn’t want to offend him and have Beck think I didn’t trust him after everything he just told me about his brother. I had nerves in my stomach

Before, but now I had a fucking monster clawing at my insides.

Beck shifted, looking down at me with his intense eyes questioning my own slightly suspiciously. “I can respect your boundaries, Danielle.” Danielle. He never used my full name. At least I knew he was being serious right now. That, or he was already being cold with me.

“As my captain I am required to inform you that I am on Zoloft right now. I’ve been taking it for a week, and I probably will be for the next three months or so. After that I’ll probably get prescribed Xanax for when it gets bad,” I said quietly, tempted to look away from him while I was being purposefully vague about ‘it’. “I don’t have depression, so I don’t want you to get worried. It just something’s I have to... work out on my own.”

I watched closely for any flicker of offense or hurt, but I’d didn’t see even

Instead, he just nodded at me. The pre-law student gave my shoulder a squeeze and reassured me, “Okay, but if you ever want to talk about it, I am here for you.”

“Thanks, Beck,” I flashed a weak smile at him. “Now let’s go because my ass is starting to freeze.”

Beck laughed, cutting the tension that had built up around us and dropping his arm from my shoulder to get up. “Then we better get going. Wouldn’t want to ruin your best feature.”

I dropped my jaw in mock offense. “Dick,” I scoffed.

“It’s okay, Danny. I already know you think my dick is my best feature. It’s pretty amazing and all, but there’s no need to tell me.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. This was my best friend. Lord help me.