Chapter 34

Being able to wake up in Beck’s arms the morning after and not panic about anything was concept that was completely foreign to me, but I wasn’t mad about it. I knew Beck and I couldn’t tell anyone about the things that went on between us behind closed doors, but it still felt like a relief. All the stress I had about what the future would hold for our friendship seemed to disappear. Sure, I could fixate on what would happen in the draft but right now I was still too high on cloud nine to care.

The two of us must have been stuck in a fantasy world, all of the sexual tension that had been between us for six months coming to fruition in one

Day. I wouldn’t call us sex crazed, but there was definitely something there. I honestly couldn’t tell you how long we went at it last night. Then in the morning I got bent over the kitchen counter and after that I ended up getting fucked in the shower. It was like we were horny high schoolers all over again, going at it whenever we got the chance.

When I finally left Beck alone it was past mid day and I had to go workout with Sebastian at the gym in our apartment complex. Let’s just say after the past twelve hours I’ve had, working out wasn’t my favorite activity. The soreness between my legs was a cruel reminder of how large the hockey forward was. It was a blessing and curse for me. Though maybe it was only a curse when I’ve been having sex for six hours in the past day.

My breath was heaving as I set the bar down on the black mat, the barbell clinking softly against the

Round weights on the ends. I stood up an leaned my head over wiping my forehead with the black T-shirt I was wearing. “Since when do you wear a shirt when we work out?” Sebastian questioned from behind me, moving from his spiting position to grab his green Gatorade water bottle off the bench to my right. Both of us were covered in sweat from our half marathon run and the weight training we ran through on days off. I had to keep my endurance and reflexes up and players like Seb and Beck had to keep bulking to try and be the bigger guys on the ice.

“Since when is it any of your business?” I asked, snatching my own bottle and guzzling the cool water that rushed down my throat.

Sebastian shrugged innocently, putting his bottle down and passing me on his way to the back extension equipment. I watched him hold a fifty pound disk to his chest and lean over, starting his

Repetitions. “I’m just pointing out the obvious. I’ve worked out with you for four years now and you never wear your hair down either.” His deep brown eyes twinkled with mischief as a smirk appeared on his face. “You dirty little skank, you fucked Beck last night, didn’t you?”

It was a good thing my face was already red and worn out so he couldn’t see my blush. “No,” I drawled, sitting on the ground and picking up a medicine ball. “I’m just hiding the scars from our platonic wax dripping,” I recalled Seb’s joke from the pizza place a few weeks ago.

My core burned as I did Russian twists, my face pretending this was a totally normal feeling workout. “You did have sex with him!” Seb called me out in the empty gym. “You would have denied it like that if it wasn’t true.”

My best friend knew me too well.

“So tell me,” Seb breathed jokingly with a weak smile, halting his exercise for a minute to watch my reaction. “What exactly are we hiding now? A few hickeys?”

“Fuck off, Sebastian. I have pale skin, shit shows up,” I grumbled through my aching muscles. I set the medicine ball down, laying flat on the ground in relief. I only had one hickey on my neck, but there were enough on my breasts to show with a sports bra. It was nothing compared to the handprint on my ass or the claw marks on Beck’s back. I don’t think either one of us would survive our current rate of rough sex. “Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you need to bother me because of it.”

“Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold the phone,” the disk let out a soft thud on the mat. I lifted my head up from the ground to look at Sebastian getting up from the machine. “You’re not single? As in you and Sampson, the guy you aren’t

Allowed to date, are a thing? Where the fuck have I been?”

“You going to let me gossip like Axel does or are you going to bitch about it?”

“No, no, no. I’ve been riding this ship way too long; spill.”

“You can’t tell anyone, Seb,” I said seriously, sitting up and resting my arms on my knees. The right defender put his weight back on the rack before sitting down across from me on the floor, also resting his elbows on his knees.

“I can’t believe you’re even saying that to me, Danny. But yes, I can keep a secret.” He was right. For four years Sebastian had kept my rape and my suicide attempts a closely guarded secret, even from Axel. “So what the hell happened because last I heard you were worried about your career. Now you’ve gone from hopelessly trying to fuck to dating.”

“Should I start at the beginning?” I asked myself but the look on Sebastian’s face told me the answer right away. “Okay so in New York he fingered me and we just never talk about it. In Minnesota after you left we needed up making out in the club and at the hotel but we didn’t hook up. This whole time I’ve been in love with my best friend and I wasn’t getting over him very well if you couldn’t tell. Yesterday when we went to Sylvia’s office he almost kissed me but didn’t. Then we got back to his apartment he told me he couldn’t do this anymore. I swear I almost had a heart attack.”

“Couldn’t do what?”

“He told me he’s the one in love with me and we needed space so he could move on. I kind of had like a mental breakdown and ended up confessing my feelings. But, Seb I’m so scared about the future. I don’t know how Beck managed to convince me to forget

About the draft and our uncertain future but next thing I know we’re having sex. Technically we’ve only been dating since this morning, though.”

“And was that before or after round three thousand?” Sebastian quirked a cocky eyebrow.

“Before,” I rolled my eyes at him. “But I don’t know, Seb. I’m scared. Can I even mentally handle a breakup? Beck’s trying to tell me everything will be okay even if we’re long distance but I’m nervous. I love him but I can’t lose him,” I confessed honestly to Sebastian. He had always been there for through my darkest times, it felt normal to tell him everything. Sometimes I thought Beck and Sebastian knew me better than I knew myself. They were both professionals at helping my through my crisis’. The only problem was Beckett happened to be in the middle of this one.

“If you love him, then it will be enough, Danny. Neither of us will feed you lies and act like everything will be perfect, but I consider both of you my best friends. If I know one thing, it’s that Beck would move heaven and earth to make this work. Don’t think about if there is a breakup, just think about now and how good it makes you feel, because you deserve to feel that all the time.” He paused, looking me in the eyes with his mahogany ones. “You’ve been in pain for along time, Danny. Everyone’s seen you change with Beck around, but I just want you to be able to feel like this for yourself, not for someone else.”

“I’m working on it, Seb,” I whispered. The PTSD, the seasonal depression, the abandonment issues, and even my views of my body flip flopped on a daily basis but I was working to fix it; to learn to live everything about myself. It just took time, and I know Sebastian knew that. He saw I was trying and that meant a lot that he was

My views of my body flip flopped on a daily basis but I was working to fix it; to learn to live everything about myself. It just took time, and I know Sebastian knew that. He saw I was trying and that meant a lot that he was supporting me through it.

“I know you are. I just don’t want you to give up.” He didn’t have to continue. I knew what he was thinking; because when I’m on my own in another part of the continent, my loved ones needed to know I’d be okay. “I love you, Danielle. I’ll always have your back.”

“You too, Sebastian. I’d walk through fire for you,” I spoke honestly.

“And we’ll leave with matching burns.”

That we would, because this man was my brother and I would die without him.

How I managed to pull off a perfect shutout less than six hours after fainting and getting bitch slapped by my own mother was beyond me. I didn’t even care that the opposing team wasn’t that great, a shutout was a shutout. That was our last game before the frozen four competition in two weeks.

⠀ You are a better knife than you are a person.

My last regular season NCAA game.

I couldn’t tell if I was sad or happy about it, but there was definitely a strong yet ambiguous emotion swirling in my stomach. That wasn’t the only big thing in my life, though. Ted Ed shared Sylvia and I’s talk online last night and it already had millions of views. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad

Thing, either. If you couldn’t tell, I was already feeling indecisive.

And what was about to happen wasn’t helping.

I was sitting on the cool island of my apartment, eating a vanilla yogurt and watching Seb stress out about his upcoming Molecular Biology II exam while Beck threw crumpled prices of notebook paper at him. Axel probably would have been here if he hadn’t been with Ken. I’d been seeing less and less of my best friend since he got a boyfriend but I get it. There are days I just want to stay in Beck’s arms all day.

ESPN droned in the background from the radio, talking about the playoffs for hockey. “Keeping with the theme of college hockey is the upcoming draft. Just yesterday lecturing company Ted Ed released a Ted Talk about the effects of rape and the importance of believing the victim featuring Yale Lacrosse coach Sylvia Mason-Riley, the

Highest paid college coach in any sport, and her sister in-law and star goalie for the Quinnipiac Bobcats, Danielle Malton-Riley.”

I internally cringed as they used my old last name, something that drew Beck and Seb’s attention as they looked in my direction where I turned the radio up curiously. “The talk has brought up an old rape case of the former Malton, where the almost sixteen year old was raped by an athletic trainer. Now, I don’t want to get political here or discredit the issue but there’s a lot of debate over if this will help or hurt Riley in the draft. What do you guys think?” The sports caster asked the rest of the announcers at their little table.

“Help, help, help,” one of them said without hesitation. “You got the number one college goalie in the country speaking out to the community and being an activist in an esteemed way. That’s only going to drag in those teams looking to improve like-ability

And PR. We saw it with Mason-Riley; she got a five million dollar deal with Nike freshman year in the Olympics. The only thing that hurts her is quite possibly that teams might not want to risk it on a woman but I think we’ve seen more than enough that she operates better than half the guys on the ice.” I couldn’t help but smile to myself. Sebastian wiggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively as I laughed, Beck letting out a warm smile and an amused face as well.

“Watch out Beck, John Ascari might have a think for Danny,” Seb teased.

“I know, right? Who wouldn’t want a sixty year old ex linebacker who’s had three divorces. Sounds like my type,” I drawled back in mock seriousness.

“It doesn’t matter how well she operates in the crease. What GM’s are thinking about is the chemistry of the team. You take Riley on and you’re looking at sexual harassment, assault,

Distracted players, and over protective players. We’ve already seen that last year when Sebastian Williams almost knocked out Martin Sokolov for a dicey check,” another castor cut in. Yep, this is about what I expected.

“Every team is protective of their goalie, Dave,” John cut in. “And that’s the exact thing Riley is standing up against. Sexual harassment and assault. That shouldn’t increase because you add a woman to the ice.”

“But what about this?” The original caster jumped in as the mediator. “This is the first time this is being reported to our knowledge.”

That got me nervous. Sebastian’s pencil stilled on his notebook and Beck froze, looking at the radio on the island. “Fresh from the family just hours ago; the mother of Olympic lacrosse player turned wall street hotshot, Griffin Riley, and sister Danielle Riley gave us an exclusive statement claiming

Her and her captain, Beckett Sampson are involved, but quote on quote ‘the degree at which the two are involved isn’t completely apparent to me, but he spends an increasing amount of time with the family and they frequently spend their nights together’. Now that’s coming from Riley’s mother. Does this change anyone’s mind about the validity and value of having Danielle Riley on an NHL team?”

I could feel my stomach drop like this was some sick and twisted rollercoaster. This is exactly what I was afraid of and of course my mother is the one to bring it to fruition on national radio where millions of people are listening on their way home from work. I didn’t even know how to react except stay deathly still and glue my ears to the sound of the sports caster’s voices.

“That’s exactly my point,” Dave brought up. Great. Fucking great. “I don’t want to sound like a sexist so I want to point

This out first. Christian Thompson; as soon as it came out he was involved with Khloe Kardashian everyone in the sports world was all over it, asking if she was a distraction to his game. It’s what happens with famous athletes. Here you have a captain and a goalie, coworkers in a sense, involved. What does that show about their priorities? About Riley’s focus? Now we have to look at the statistics because these coming weeks will be pivotal for deciding the future of Riley and Sampson’s careers now that this cat is out of the bag.”

Now we’re both under a microscope. Could have seen that coming from a mile away. One small mistake that anyone would make and it will be all over the headlines. This is exactly what I was scared of.

“Wait a minute, let’s just point out that we don’t know the nature of this ‘involvement’. Riley’s got a lot of make friends; Sebastian Williams from

Earlier is her roommate. We can’t jump to the conclusion that it’s an romantic relationship or even a casual sexual one without more information. They could just be friends hanging out. If you’ve been reading up about Riley, you would know the mother is estranged from her oldest son and only daughter. I think the reliability of that claim is shaky at best,” John defended me. If only people were that easy to convince.

“Do your friends hang out with your brother and his kids every weekend?” Dave asked. God, I wanted to rip my hair out.

“No, but Williams and Axel Hernandez are in family photos all over all of their social medias. Also, let’s talk about the fact that Sampson’s father, Jeffrey Sampson, multimillion dollar tech wiz, lives in the same neighborhood as the Riley family and they both have thirteen year old boys. Just putting it out here,” the original announcer

Joined the argument for once, not quite taking a side but leaning towards the lovely John Ascari.

“Even if they are dating, and that’s a big if, then you have to cut Riley some slack. Not only is everyone going to be watching their favorite center, waiting to see if his potential girlfriend is distracting him, but on the flip side you have everyone watching to see if Riley is going to be distracted by him. And either way, she’s the one that’s going to carry the blame for not being focused enough or trying to throw her boyfriend off his game. It’s a double edged sword.” Fucking preach, John. I take back what I said, maybe I will marry him. Wife number four, here I come.

“Well, it’s obvious we have two sides of the same coin here so let’s move to some of our listeners opinions,” the host refocused the subject.

“We don’t have to-“

“Shut up,” I hissed at Seb unintentionally harshly but I didn’t have time to apologize.

“Marie for Minnesota, you’re on.” I subconsciously glanced at Beck who shrugged. He didn’t know her. That could be a good thing or a bad thing. Also, I’d like to point out how I just magically assume he knows every single person that lives in the state. That’s how reality works, right?

“Hey, Steven,” she answered the host. “I just want to put out there that there is one hundred percent something going on between Sampson and Riley. After the St. Cloud game my friend and I saw them at a nightclub with Williams, Chey, and Lachinski. My friend ended up leavening with one of them. By the time I looked back to their table it was just Riley and Sampson making out.”

Fuck.

“Are you sure it was them?” Dave asked.

“At a place like Cloud State, Sampson’s practically a celebrity. Besides, they both have visible tattoos on their arms. It wasn’t like they were trying to hide it, they were all over each other by the time they left.” I almost scoffed. Celebrity? Give me a break. When they thanked Marie for her contribution, I wanted to be sick after what Dave said next.

“That’s the game were Sampson took a skate to the guy. Maybe Riley’s into the wounded tough guy act. Bet he told Lachinksi to help a brother out.”

My jaw dropped in offense. I wasn’t some bitch looking for a strong meathead to senselessly get in fights with. “That little fucking-“

“But in all seriousness, maybe the estranged mother has reunited with the Riley siblings. It certainly

Adds credibility to her story,” Dave continued.

“I don’t know, Dave,” John speculated. Who would have thought the one with more marriages then I had brain cells would be the woman’s rights defender of the day. “There is a lot of buzz around the Riley name for more than one reason considering the three influential members of the household. Outside of the sports wold there are a lot of people who think the mother is the reason Danielle moved out at fifteen, not just her desire for a sports career. Court records show she changed her last name from Malton to Riley; her mother’s ex-husbands name, whom she was married to prior to Danielle’s birth. All I’m saying is I think two best friends can legally get a little tipsy and lines can get a little blurred without it meaning anything.”

“Oh, we have another caller,” Steven announced. “Cooper from Connecticut, you’re on the line.”

“Hey, Steve. I just wanted to agree with Marie. I don’t think it effects Sampson or Riley’s performance. Back in October before the season even started, they were making out at a party then again a month later. Whatever it is has been going on for a while. But then you see that only have three losses and you have to acknowledge that duo didn’t get the best record in the league by being distracted.” Whoever Cooper is, I love him as much as I hated him for exposing my ass. Why is every time I kiss Beck, it’s in public? I guess we weren’t very careful even when there was nothing between us. Then again, the first time I didn’t know I even needed to be careful.

It almost felt like rapid fire of college kids trying to get on ESPN at one point. The screeners were picking these people for gossip details only. It must be nice to make millions sitting there, talking about nothing, and listening to idiots all day. I want that life.

“Hey guys! I just wanted to say that I didn’t see it at first, but it’s definitely more than a strictly sexual thing. Sampson is so protective of her on campus. My friend was looking at her for too long and Sampson gave him that death glare.”

“His hand is on her upper thigh half the time in class.”

“In the dinning hall they’re always flirting.”

“I heard they shared a hotel room in Minnesota.”

It got to the point where I felt like I wasn’t even watching ESPN anymore, but three grown ass men gossiping with teens about two people they happen to see on campus. Half the time it wasn’t even actually Beck or I; someone was trying to say how we were getting handsy in the library which couldn’t be more false; I’ve

Never even been to the campus library.

But it was the sound of one caller that perked me up.

“Hi guys, I want to make it clear that half these stories are lies. I personally know both Beck and Danny and they are strictly platonic. Sure they flirt but it’s just their dynamic. They would never get together. Besides, I don’t even think Danny knows we have a library. Not as nice as that Yale one she’s always in,” that was the sweet sweet sound of Ken Lee.

“I’m sorry, how do you know them?” Steve asked for clarification.

“I’m dating Axel Hernandez. Williams, Sampson, and Riley are kind of part of the deal,” Ken drawled, causing all of our lips to tip up. This made me so fucking happy for some reason. Ken really was part of our little family.

“Well, there you have it. With the draft

And the Frozen Four on the horizon, there’s a whole new controversy in the hockey world it just so happens to be about two players sex lives. If one thing is for certain, keep an eye on Danielle Riley and Beckett Sampson. This has been an interesting podcast, and this is Steven Nix signing off until next time at five tomorrow morning.” When the radio switched to baseball stats I turned the radio off solemnly.

“Well, I guess the cats out of the bag,” I said, swinging my feet as my legs hung off the counter.

“Ironic how all of those instances weren’t even when you guys were dating,” Seb murmured without looking up from his notes. “Just imagine when you go public. I might have to off myself to escape the PDA.”

“Are you okay, Danny?” Beck asked, watching me from the table with crossed arms.

Said, swinging my feet as my legs hung off the counter.

“Perfectly fine. If they want to think we started dating before the season, then that’s better than thinking we’re a new distraction for each other.”

But that didn’t mean I was happy about it.

I guess sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal with it.

“Are you okay, Danny?” Beck asked, watching me from the table with crossed arms.

"I guess, I just fuckin' love you, and that's why i'm not okay."