Chapter 20: Twenty
“I’m so very sorry.” He placed a comforting gloved hand over my balled fist. “I never intended to hurt you.” His voice was regretful. “You aren’t mad at me are you?” he looked saddened as he asked, so desperate.
I was flattered more than anything else. “Why?” I finally managed.
“It would physically hurt you if I stayed away.” He searched my face for a second and then continued. “You aren’t strong enough to withstand the distance. You aren’t like us, you’re fragile.”
“Us?” I asked whispering.
His smile returned, “My kind.”
That reminded me. “Are you like Benjamin?” I was still whispering.
“That’s rather very insulting.” He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “It’s no use whispering, they can still hear you.”
“Who?” I still whispered regardless of his warning.
He motioned with his head to his family. I shook my head. That was impossible. They couldn’t possibly hear me over the music and besides they were more than twenty feet away.
Or maybe they could. I lost my resolve.
There I was in a crowded room but I’ve never felt more alone. I kept running my eyes through every face trying to determine – to no avail – what they were. Maybe I was the only human in the room. I didn’t even want to know what Bradley is. That’s the lie I kept trying to convince myself.
“What are you?”
“That’s a dent on my manhood.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
As I sat staring into space, unseeing, I could vividly hear the excitement as Christopher invited everybody to the food area.
“Do you want a drink?” Bradley asked.
I shook my head.
“I said I was sorry.” He said in a low apologetic voice. “…and I meant it. I am deeply sorry.”
“I’m not mad at you.” I was mad at myself for not realising it earlier.
“Do you want me to leave?” I didn’t.
I nodded.
“I’ll see you around.” He stood and began to walk away.
“Monday?” I asked hopefully.
He shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll go to school anytime soon.” Ugh, the advantages of being the headmasters son.
"Why?"
"I'm not in my strongest." He whispered back. "I can't be close to you and not... Hurt you." A desperate sigh escaped him. "Don't even ask."
I couldn’t help the disappointment that overcome me as I realised I didn’t know how long I would have to wait until I saw him again.
“Wait.” He froze but he didn’t look back at me. “Will you... come back tonight?” I tried to hide my disappointment.
He shook his head. “I need a break from human life.” he resumed his pace.
“Is that a secret code for something?”
He shrugged.
“You said it would physically hurt me if you stayed away.” I knew this was too good to be true. We could never be friends.
“You need this.”
“I need the pain?” I asked in disbelief.
“No, you need time to think.”
I almost ran after him. “No!” I shouted; a few people glanced my way. “No I don’t.”
He glanced at me over his shoulder with a smile so radiant I was taken aback. “I’ll see you Monday, Beth.”
“Promise me.”
“I do.”
“No, say it.”
“I promise.”
“Ugh.” Stupid beautiful Greek God.
I slammed in my seat, ready to sulk, my face in full pout mode.
“So…” Annette excited voice said. When I looked up she was already sitting opposite me. I had to wonder how fast she must have moved to get to me. “What did Bradley want?”
“I don’t know.” I said.
“He seemed hurt when he left.” She continued oblivious to my aching heart.
“I guess it was the argument we had.”
“Argument?” her eyes lit up in excitement. “Tell me more.” I was sure she was already thinking of a couple of people she’d tell my ‘story’ to when I’m done sharing it.
“It was about history.” I lied. “I’m helping him on his essay.”
Her smile varnished. “Oh.”
“Yeah,”
“So he didn’t speak about his father?”
“Why would I ask him about Christopher?” I tried to keep my voice indifferent. “Annette the man has a wife. His children are your classmates. It would be weird if they found out about your obsession with him and I don’t think his wife will be impressed.”
She pouted.
“Oh no!” I clamped my hands over my mouth. They heard everything. They probably knew about Annette. Christopher knew.
I felt so embarrassed.
“What?” she asked.
“Ar...Nothing,” I fidgeted with my fingers nervously and stared at the floor like it was the most interesting thing I have ever laid my eyes upon.
“No tell me.” She insisted.
“I just remembered mom asked me to come home early tonight. She has a date… I think.”
She smiled somatically at me. “Why is Selma giving you that look?”
I followed her gaze to find Selma glaring at me. Her glare didn’t waver even as I caught her staring. The heat in her stare had me lowering my gaze, it was too intense.
I unpinned my hair from its ponytail and let it fall to my shoulders. I used it to shield my face from Selma.
“What did you do?” Annette asked again.
I wasn’t sure whether it had something to do with Benjamin or Bradley.
It was like that for the rest of the night. It wasn’t until after the party that I found out why I was the subject of her heated gaze. I was by the cab, bent over, taking my five inch heels off – my feet hurt. Annette and Selma were walking up to the car parked right next to the yellow cap.
“I don’t understand what Ben sees in Elizabeth anyway.” Acid filled her voice as she said my name. “She’s unappreciative and arrogant. She thinks she’s better than everybody else. She’s been here for what? A couple of months and already has Bradley asking her for help. She’s not that intelligent anyway.”
“That’s mean Selma.” Annette said in defence. “It’s not her fault Benjamin is interested in her and Bradley…”
I chose that moment to stand to my full height. Annette blinked more than necessary.
“Beth I –”
I held up my hand. “I’ll see you Monday guys. Have a goodnight.” I called out as I climbed into the car and the cabbie drove off.
Back at Janice’s house the lights were still on. Mom was in the lounge, cuddling herself on the loveseat opposite the television. She had a cup of tea in hand and a medical book covering her face. She still wanted to go back to school to study medicine.
“How was the party?” Janice asked the second she spotted me.
I sighed and threw myself on the couch, “Tiring and boring.”
Janice laughed. “I knew you’d say that.” She said. “I doubt there’s someone else who would back you up on that.”
I shrugged. “I just don’t do well in crowds.”
“I would know.” She said casually. “Richard was such a nightmare sometimes, refusing to attend any functions.”
I smiled.
“Hungry?”
I shook my head and shuffled to the door leading up the stairs. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” She sang.
“Oh… and mom?” I called nervously.
She looked up briefly from her text book. “Yeah,”
I fidgeted with my fingers. “Um… I’m sorry about this morning.”
Her checks coloured. “We all have those days.”
“Still,” I insisted. “I shouldn’t have.”
She smiled up at me, her brown eyes warm. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“I love you, okay?” and with that I ran from the room. I didn’t want to wait around hopefully for a response that I could only hear in my dreams. She didn’t feel the same way about me.
I waited for Bradley, even though he’d told me he wasn’t coming, hope still lingered in me. I was immensely disappointed when I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and turned to my side, closed my eyes and welcomed the sweet calling of unconsciousness.
I meant to sleep in but an unusual ache in my stomach woke me. I tried to open my eyes, they felt heavy. I sighed. I must have overworked myself last night. Those damn heels. I shouldn't have worn them. Except making my steps unbalanced as though I was intoxicated, they made my feet ache.
The pain was incomprehensible.
Precisely so - I was disorientated. My mind couldn’t comprehend what was happening. My body fought against the foreign pain, and I was summoned again and again into a blistering hell that cut out minutes of my life. I tried to keep up, estimating how much time passed each time a fresh wave of pain attacked. I wasn’t successful. All I could see were flickers of flames burning the fine hairs on my arms and legs. Red and black fought with each other over me.
Black was stronger calling me into a darkness I was sure if I went under I could never resurface again.