Chapter 16: Terra
Jesse may say he was searching for me, but I saw no evidence of that. None of the Healers mentioned it to me. As far as I can tell, he sat here in his cushy castle, ordering men around while Mom begged the Healers to take us in. He did nothing to take care of his daughter, or to prepare me for being attacked because of how Mother Terra made me. And now that I’m here, he appears to have no idea what to say or do.
“Welcome,” he finally says, his voice heavy with emotion. “Welcome back home.”
Someone grunts to our right, and I turn to see who it was.
“Welcome home? You told us your daughter burned alive in a fire. Now we’re just supposed to accept that she didn’t? Oh, and by the way, Amun’s attacking us because of her?”
The man who grunted, the man who’s yelling at my father, is tall, even for a soldier. His shoulders are broad and his long blond hair is pulled back into a queue at the base of his neck. Unlike the others, he’s not wearing a helmet and his hair gleams in the sunlight. His eyes, ice blue, lock on mine and a pulse passes through my entire body like I’ve been delved, but different.
Heat instead of ice.
The man shudders at the exact same time, and I’m positive it’s because he feels the same thing as me. He can’t look away, either. His eyes travel from my face downward, taking in my dark pants and bright green blouse, and then returning to my face. His hands ball into fists at his side.
I shake my head, but it does no good. The golden haze that surrounds the most handsome man I’ve ever seen doesn’t fade. My heart lurches, and I’m overwhelmed with a desire to run toward him, leap up in his arms, and kiss him squarely on the mouth. My breath hitches, my palms sweat, and my brain blanks of all rational thought.
In the midst of my body’s betrayal, my mind screams in horror. Because I know just what this is.
The exordium.
I should be giddy. I should dance with delight. Very few Terrans meet their soulmates. Forging a bond blessed by Mother Terra, a bond that exists outside of rational thought or reason, a pull that cannot be ignored—it’s supposed to be the most transcendent thing that can happen to anyone, Healer or Lifter, man or woman. I’ve just found the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I should be beaming uncontrollably, leaping into his powerful arms, and pledging to love him forever.
But a simmering fury bubbles up from somewhere inside of me instead, a rage I can’t fully explain.
From the time I was born, an unseen hand has made every single decision for me. I Lift when no females can. I’m a citizen, but my mother ran and hid among the Healers. To save my life, she ruined her own—my parents fought and split over me. I’ve always hidden every aspect of who and what I am, just to carve out a safe place for myself and the family I had to fashion out of the path I was shoved upon. Now, thanks to one mistake, made in an attempt to keep my adoptive father safe, that family has also been ripped away.
Every life I wrap around myself is shredded by forces outside of my control.
And now, I’m plonked down in a place I don’t know and the very first warrior I meet is what?
My soulmate?
Hard pass. I’m finished with fate. I’m done with being forced to hide because of stupid prophecies I never agreed to fulfill. I’m done with people pushing me around. I’m not letting fate control who I am, what I do, or in this final indignity, who I love. The fury rises inside of me, so thick and so strong that it knocks back the warm, glowy joy of the exordium. I forcefully replace the dopey adoration that must have been suffusing my features with a purposeful scowl.
The hunky warrior frowns and clears his throat. He tilts his head sideways, trying to understand what’s wrong, what might be spoiling this unbelievable moment.
Good luck, Hunky. The world around me does not make sense, and now that you’ve been thrown in next to me, yours won’t either.
“Are you complaining that my daughter didn’t die?” Duncan crosses powerful arms across his chest. I can’t help noticing the scars that are visible on his hands. Clearly he doesn’t run to a Healer for every little thing.
A swarthy solider next to Hunky bumps him. “Go on, Kahn. Tell him it’s not fair.”
Kahn shakes his head and refocuses on Duncan, only glancing my way occasionally. “You told us your daughter died, and now we find out it was a lie—that you hid her existence because she’s the Warden? Did you really think that wasn’t relevant information?”
Duncan's eyes flash. “The last time I checked, I didn’t answer to any of you. You answer to me. Knowing why the Followers of Amun are here changes nothing about how we handle their aggression. We must show them we won’t tolerate their attacks, no matter the reason.”
“You’ve been lying to us.” Kahn’s not the only one who scowls. Heads are bobbing all around him. “Amun has long sought to destroy the Warden, and now she’s here, among us. You knew she had been born.” Kahn meets my eye then, and the half smile he offers me sort of ruins the effect of his righteously indignant tone.
Ha. Take that. The exordium’s making you look idiotic, too.
Duncan lifts his chin. “As your ruler, it’s my right to keep confidential any information I deem necessary.”
“Perhaps you’re not a fit ruler.” Kahn’s full lips press into a flat line. “Maybe I should challenge your right to lead us.”
Troops behind and to the side of Kahn cheer.
He inhales. “It doesn’t feel like I have any other choice. You’ve taken our voice away from us.”
What does this entitled citizen know about having no choice? He’s a Unit Leader, surely born strong and celebrated as a success every step of the way. He’s probably been given everything his entire life on a silver platter. My arrogant soulmate has the audacity to challenge my father for the egregious sin of keeping me alive?
My eyes scan Duncan again—I’m drawn to the gray streaks in his hair, the wrinkles around his eyes, and the small, faint age spots on his forearms. My heart pulses. This isn’t a trick of the universe, or a feeling forced upon me. I may not know much about challenges within units, but I know there’s no way that Hunky, er, Kahn won’t defeat the much older Duncan, and then how will I ever get to know my father? He might die during this challenge for all I know, and then another member of my family would be gone forever.
And this time, it’ll be all my fault.
Well, my stupid, gorgeous soulmate may not understand the true depth of choice or of agency, but I do. I’ve fought against destiny my entire life, perhaps to prepare me for this moment. With an army headed toward us, thanks to my bad split-second decision in that stable, Duncan may lose the army at his back. “We all have choices, Kahn.” I smile at him and he smiles back, probably compelled by a bond I don’t understand and don’t want. “And today, I choose to challenge you on Duncan Sterling’s behalf.”
Duncan groans beside me.
I spin around. “No one needs to fight my battles for me. Not your men, not your armies, and not you. Mom didn't have your protection, and I don’t need it either.”
Jesse clears his throat. “Maybe we should’ve spent a few more minutes going over basic Unit laws. See, you're not a member of the Unit, so issuing a challenge to a Unit Leader, Dad's First in Command no less, well. . .”
“You've just sparked an Ascension,” Duncan says. He raises his voice so everyone can hear. “My daughter has challenged Kahn Brantley. The Ascension commences tomorrow at dawn.”
I really should learn to keep my mouth shut.