Chapter 82: Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Amina’s POV**

“Are you feeling any better?” Benjamin asked me in a barely perceptible tone right before bringing his coffee mug to his lips.

Even as low as it was, the unexpected sound of his voice managed to startle me some. In all fairness, I had grown accustomed, to say the least, to the profound silence that had enwrapped us through the night. And this morning, despite sitting so close to each other that our skins brushed at the slightest movement, Benjamin and I found ourselves, again, further apart than ever. 

And as was most often the case since we met, I had myself to blame.

Intoxicated at first by his sensual embraces and his fiery kisses, just to be quickly sobered by the harsh reality of our misfortunes, my ever-fluctuating moods took pity on no one, even less so my mate. True, I had a hard time reconciling my love for him with my pressing need to slow down and take a step back. For that, I could feel Benjamin's frustration grow exponentially. 

Last night was no different.

In his car, my inhibitions and self-control collapsed on themselves like a lousy house of cards. But when, busy undressing, Benjamin involuntarily gave me a break from his haunting touches, I began to feel the most terrible of panics.

There he stood before me, glorious in all of his nakedness, and the only things I could see were the unsettling images of my lost child, the purple-eyed beast, Travis, my mother, and Gisele, all cruelly parading past me one by one.

In a split second and without warning, my worst fears surged up with the brute force of a geyser. Intense nausea rose in my throat, and before he could utter a single word, I had pushed Benjamin away from me and rushed into the bathroom. And like so, we spent one of our longer nights; I with my head half-buried in the toilet and him slumped against the door separating us.

‘*Kindred spirits… paired by a supreme Goddess*….’ I shook my head, almost laughing at the thought. Benjamin deserved so much more than I could ever put into words, and I still feared that it would never be me.

“Do you need to throw up again?”

“Huh? Excuse me?" I answered him, unsure of what he had just asked me.

He put his mug down before turning his whole body towards me. “You just shook your head no, Mina. Are you not feeling any better?” He voiced his concern once again with a worried look on me.

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you, but don’t worry; I feel better. "I blurted out, guilty of not paying attention.

“Are you sure? You’ve barely touched your food.”

“I'm fine, Benji. I promise.” I told him.

I put my hand on his and gently pressed his fingers against mine. Whereas my words had failed, I hoped my touch would give him much-needed comfort. Thankfully, I could feel the slight and instantaneous relief of tension in Benjamin's muscles. He closed his eyes and took a deep inhale. His dark brows still furrowed above his eyelids, but his jaw slowly loosened just as he began to rub his thumb against mine.

"You asked me a few days ago if I thought you and I could work… if our relationship could work…." Benjamin began to say in a low voice before returning his heavy gaze to me. “Do you remember that?”

Immediately imagining all the horrible turns this conversation could take, my mind started racing. A terror grew without limits in the pit of my stomach and crippled me with incredible ease and speed as I sought to cut him off. I had to prevent him from saying whatever he was about to say, but I couldn't. 'Yes' was the only word I could whisper back, now on the verge of tears.

“To tell you the truth, Mina, I wasn’t sure then, and now….” 

“And now?”

Benjamin let out a long sigh before letting go of my hand. "How do we make this work, Mina? The whole world is against us, and I'm just so tired of constantly having to fight it for us. Aren’t you?”

"I guess I am too." I replied, biting my lip hard so as not to cry. “But what’s the alternative here, Benji? What do we do? Do we end things?” 

“Never.” He answered curtly. “I would rather kill myself than reject you ever again. I’m just- I’m just tired, you know?” Benjamin finally said, getting up to clear the table.

The things that weighed heavily on my shoulders and gnawed at my spirit, little by little, were doing the same to Benjamin. We were far from the finish line but wholly exhausted and unsure of how we would, one day, overcome all the obstacles that stood in our path. Despite his saying no and my burning desire to believe him, we could both feel our relationship slowly slipping through our fingers. Time was running out; I wanted, no, I needed things to get better, to resolve themselves before there was nothing left of us to save. 

I wasn't ready to give up on everything just yet, and if for some reason Benjamin and I didn't end up together, it certainly wouldn't be for lack of trying; to that, I swore. 

I got up and walked around the wooden island to approach the man I loved more than anything, determined to finally tell him just how important he was to me. So, with a light hand, I closed the water tap he was letting run on our plates and brought his two hands on my hips.

"I was so broken when you found me, Benji, that I've always felt sorry you did. I was ashamed of myself. I still am, I guess. But if there is something I've learned not to be ashamed of anymore, it’s needing you. " I let myself confess, my teary eyes lost in his. “I am no longer afraid of how much I love you; I'm just afraid of how much I can lose you. You mean everything to me, Benjamin Miller. You are my happy ending, so I’ll fight.”

"Good." He responded with a smile forming on his lips.

"Good?" I repeated with a raised eyebrow, surprised at his short answer.

“Yes, good.” He smiled brighter before leaning into my lips for a soft kiss. “It’s good to know I’m not the only one hopelessly in love here. I mean, I was almost starting to root for that Delta myself.” 

“That’s not funny, you jerk!” 

Benjamin burst out laughing, his cocky ways peering through as he pulled me back towards him. “It’s kinda funny.” He joked again before planting a second, much eager, kiss on my lips. “I love you so much, Mina.” 

“Good.” 

As he prepared his own clever remark, Benjamin's eyes suddenly clouded over, losing their natural dark blue hue in favor of a fuzzy gray haze. The mind-link with whoever was on the other side ended as quickly as it had started, and a few seconds later, my mate was guiding me across the house toward the front door.

"Alpha William and Luna Shira are waiting for us now." He said to me as we passed through the living room. “I asked my parents to let me know as soon as they would be ready. Let's see what she has to tell us."

Trepidation, anguish, apprehension, such was the atmosphere that had settled around us during our short drive in his car. Luna Shira had said that she could help us mend our strained relationship, and as much as I had faith in her, I was still nervous as all hell. What could have been her solution? Would Benjamin have to relinquish command or have to reject me? Would I have to leave? The frightening possibilities were endless, and when we pulled into Carson and Grace Miller's long driveway, my nervousness was at its peak.

"Breath, Mina." Benjamin said calmly.

I hadn't even realized I was holding my breath until he told me, and it was almost reluctantly that I followed in his footsteps inside the vast house. ‘*Breath, Mina. Breath, Mina*.’ I repeated Benjamin’s instruction over and over again in my mind. 

After all, whatever Shira said, it couldn't change the fact that we would never let go of each other. Could it?