Chapter 46: No more

Amina’s POV

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***Ten***

*“I can’t believe my little girl turned ten years-old today. I hope you had fun, Amina.”*

*I half-heartedly smiled at my mom as she tucked me in bed and placed a sweet kiss on my forehead.*

*“I don’t want to go to bed. I’m gonna’ dream about him again.”*

*“The faceless man?” She asked me concerned.*

*Even if I couldn’t say yes, my mom knew that he was the only the man I ever thought of. A little at first, but as the years went by and I became more self-aware, the thoughts of him turned into obsessions and the obsessions turned into nightmares.*

*“My friends say that he left because of me. Because I’m a freak. Is it true?”*

*“Oh, honey, no, don’t listen to them. He was the monster, the freak. You are nothing like him. I made sure of it while you were still in my belly, I promise. You’ll never become what he was. You’re my perfect little girl and always will be.”*

***Sixteen***

*“Have you ever considered therapy for your daughter, Ms. Langley? It might help her come out of her shell more.”*

*My guidance counsellor and my mom were talking to each other as if I weren’t sitting right next to them. I hated these meetings and I hated being analyzed. I already knew that there was something wrong with me and if I couldn’t figure it out myself, what the hell made them think that they could?*

*“There’s nothing wrong with my daughter, she’s just shy.”*

*“Ma’am, it’s a little more than that. She doesn’t talk much, she self-isolates, daydreams constantly and she can’t stand up for herself…”*

*“Are you saying that it’s her fault she’s getting bullied?”*

*“Of course not. It’s just that there seems to be a break there that other people can sense and it might be leaving her vulnerable to a lot of things. Maybe it has something to do with her father. She tells me that she doesn’t know much about him.”*

*“Not this again. There’s nothing to know, okay? He was a liar and a freak of nature. We’re glad that he’s gone, isn’t that right, honey?” My mom turned to me.*

*She wanted me to agree with her and a part of me wanted too, but another part agreed with Mrs. Hecksley. There was a huge chunk of myself that I felt was completely inaccessible because of him. Something was resting in the back of my mind, unable to come out and the faceless man had to be the key to unlock it. I wanted to tell my mom the truth but her stare was growing sad and impatient and I couldn’t risk hurting the only person who ever loved me.*

*“That’s right. It's not my father, it's me. I’m gonna’ try and do better, Mrs Hecksley. Now can we go, please?"*

***Twenty-one ***

*“I can’t believe you just let her say that to you!” Roxanne yelled into my ear as we left the study hall for the nearest coffee shop.*

*“Drop it, Roxy. It’s not that serious.” I rolled my eyes to my overprotective friend.*

*“It is. I could tell that you wanted to fight back, but you never do. I’m telling you, you gotta break away from this... umm… how do you call it again?”*

*“Mental blur.” I answered back, keeping my eyes forward.*

*Roxanne was the only person I’ve ever let inside my bubble and the only person I’ve ever tried to explain myself to, but I hated the fact that she kept bringing it up. Even if I knew that she didn’t think any less of me, it was still very embarassing.*

*“Right, the mental blur.” She sighed as we took our place at one of the free tables.*

*“Hey, we can’t all be as mighty as a Miller.” I winked at her, trying to change the subject.*

*“Maybe so, but someday, you my friend, are going to be so much bigger than you think.”*

*“How could you know that?” I giggled unconvinced.*

*“Well for now it's just a feeling, but you have to figure out your shit first.” She replied before zeroing her focus on our friend. “Hey, Misty, do you think that we can get some coffee today instead of tomorrow?”*

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I had no idea how long I had been sitting in this poorly lit room, twirling the shiny knife in my hands. The stainless steel of the weapon was shining like the brightest moon and its fascinating glow had pulled me into a trance and forced my mind to go back in time. As I revisited my most eluding and incomprehensible memories, something else became very clear to me.

For years, without knowing why, I let bad people take advantage of me because I didn’t think that I deserved more. I felt so angry because I allowed them to take away pieces of me until I could no longer be my own person. I was an empty shell and I blamed myself for it. As the lock on the door turned, I silently vowed to never let anyone steal a piece of my soul again.

I brushed the sharp edge of the knife against my thigh as I fumbled to quickly hide it inside my jeans. I had to swallow the loud wince that threatened to expose me while Micheal entered my room like he had done everyday since my capture. Without the slightest hesitation, he came up to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. I remained frozen as his hands wandered down my back and his nose gulped down my scent to its last drop. When it seemed like he had enough, Micheal leaned back and placed both of his hands on my face.

His eyes were darker then I remembered and had sunk into their sockets from the lack of sleep. His thin lips were bright red and still starred selfishly on his face. While, up to now, he remained a beautiful man, there wasn’t a feature of his that didn’t bring back horrible memories. His eyes made me feel inferior, his mouth poisened my self-esteem, his hands brought to me to the ground and his… *“Don’t go there.”* I ordered myself as the images of the rapes slithered their way into my mind.

“I know you’ve met with mother today." His warm breath hovered over my face. "Mina, be mine. I won’t hurt you anymore. I’ll change, I promise I will... if you would only be mine.” He begged me as he closed his eyes and placed his lips on my forehead.

“I'll never be with you again and you know that.” I stated firmly.

“Oh, baby, not you. No one’s ever wanted me. Tell me that you want me. Please, my love.”

I was surprised when I felt hot drops of water fall onto my cheeks. I glanced up and saw, for the first time, Micheal cry. Since I’ve known him, he’s been mean, vile and incapable of any emotion other than hatred, but today, his tears seemed genuine and I was caught off guard. I could see in a very clear and unprecedented way how broken a man he truly was.

“You have to let go of this hurt, Micheal. It’s the only way that you’ll ever be happy.” I pleaded under my breath, tears of my own forming.

“Happy?” He laughed though his tears. “I was born with no chance at happiness. All of my life there was only death and revenge. But you can change that, can’t you? I know that I wasn’t good to you, but you’re my only shot at redeeming myself, Mina.”

“You feel this way now because you know that I belong to Benji.” I whispered back.

“Don’t say that!” He shouted from his lungs as he shoved me onto the wall. “His father already won his mother, so why should he get you? He doesn’t deserve you, but I do.”

Micheal ran up to me and picked me back on my feet. His tears had gone away just as quickly as they had appeared and his eyes went completly blank, stopping me from catching any more glimpse of the pitiful Micheal.

“I’m going to kill him soon.” He whispered lowering his lips above the crate of my neck, where Benjamin’s mark laid. “I’m going to take over his pack and you’re going to be mine.”

My body recoiled when I felt his elongated teeth graze over my skin. Micheal remained undeterred by my negative reaction and placed his hands on me to slide my sweater off of my shoulders. He kept his lips on my neck and his hands on my back and, as he focused on me, I focused on the knife closely tucked between my skin and the fabric of my jeans. Micheal was never going to let me go and Benjamin was never coming for me. I could only count on myself and the young Ophelia who I hoped was waiting behind the door.

Micheal moaned with his face buried deep in my neck and I could feel his arousal getting the best of him. I only had seconds to make my move before he could overpower me and it would become too late. He pushed himself deeper against me and as he shifted his weight, I reached for the knife, using his momentum against him. He never felt nor saw me draw out the short blade. I held my breathe in and in a split second, I used all the strength that I had left to plunge the serrated piece of steel into his back.

Shaken by a sharp pain, Micheal’s body writhed on top of mine before he wrapped his hands around my throat to choke me. I stretched my arm out again and stabbed him over and over until his grip on me loosened.

He pulled away from me painting in pain and brought his hands behind his back. He shot a glance at the knife I held in my hands and his eyes quickly filled with rage. In a violent swing, Micheal threw himself at me, but ran straight against the wall as I managed to roll myself to the side. He turned back to me and I immediately swung the knife against him, cutting into his chest and abdomen

Every moment of torture that he had subjected me to rushed back in my mind like a downpour as I slashed his skin. I could feel my pain and my shame burn with each cut I gave him, but I wanted more. Even if I knew that it was wrong, I couldn’t deny how good it felt to be the powerful one. I wanted to kill him right then and there and I would have if Ophelia hadn’t entered the room.

“Goddess, Mina! Stop already!” She screamed as she forced my arms together.

The fear noticeable in her eyes and in her voice pulled me out of the heavy haze of vengeance that blocked my morality. When I came to my senses, Micheal was laying on the floor with his back against the wall. His shirt was torn up and covered in blood. He wasn’t moving anymore and was barely breathing. I looked down at my bloodied hands which still held the knife and I couldn’t believe how far I had gone.

“Please, Mina. We have to go! They’re gonna’ kill us!” She cried out in panic.

“No one is going to touch us again, Ophelia. Not anymore.”