Chapter 12: Worried About Him

**Benjamin**

I spent the whole day unfocused, distracted as a million thoughts raced inside my mind, and I realized I couldn't keep up with the rest of my men as we investigated the borders. While they wouldn't dare say anything, I knew that many, including Craig and Jason, noticed my uselessness, and on more than one occasion, I caught a glimpse of the confusion and slight disappointment my behaviour caused on their faces. Each time, it hit me like a punch in the gut, and so, a little after six o'clock in the afternoon, done in and drained, I put an end to our search. Partly because we hadn't found anything worthwhile, but mostly because I couldn't bear the humiliation any longer. 

Our borders seemed strong, however. 

No trail was left unguarded except a few remote and inaccessible areas that even the most skilled werewolves among us would not attempt to cross. So by the time I climbed back into my truck, I was all the more curious as to how the rogues managed to penetrate our territory in the first place.

"Benji?" Craig accosted me as I started my engine. "Jason told me there might be a meeting tonight. Do you need me there?" he asked.

"No, man, don't worry. But I need you to go over your patrol teams tonight," I told him. "Create new groups and double their tours. I really don't understand how these goddamn rogues got inside Jester, but maybe if we get this done right, we'll be able to stop them next time."

"Copy that, Alpha," the patrol Captain replied before turning away.

"Oh, Craig!" I called him back.

"What's up?"

"Do me a favour and take Jason home later, okay? I can't take him myself; there's something important I need to do before I go home."

"Uhm, yeah, of course. Is everything alright?" he asked, concerned.

"I hope so," I answered and drove off.

Ryan was supposed to join us at the borders today, but the Beta never showed. As best friends, we argued a lot, but it wasn't like him to disobey my direct orders even if he and I were in a tough place. I was afraid that this time, in my fit of rage, I had gone too far by mocking his broken relationship, so I needed to check on him. Within thirty minutes, I was at his house and saw there the disastrous effects my words might've had on him.

Ryan opened the door, dishevelled, reeking alcohol and marijuana, and struggled even to stand. I helped him back into his living room and, on our way, counted at least a dozen empty beer bottles scattered all around the apartment.

"I thought you quit smoking weed," I said, annoyed at his inebriated state.

"Don't give me shit, man. It barely does anything anyway," he smiled and slurred, completely blasted.

"Right, the same way *this* doesn't fuck you up either," I snarked back, pointing to the beers on the floor.

"Exactly! You can't feel shit with two-three drinks, "he jokingly shrugged, collapsing onto the couch. "But twelve will help, though," he then laughed.

"Ryan…" 

"What?" 

"You missed the inspections today," I sighed and sat across from him.

"So? Who cares?"

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said this morning. It was uncalled for and cruel, and I shouldn't have-"

"I couldn't care less about what you said!" Ryan cut me off, shaking his head. "You were mad; I get it. I only care about her," he said, thinking of my sister. "Every time she comes back, I suddenly can't breathe, Benji. Can you even imagine that? Goddess, why didn't you tell me she was back?"

"I-I didn't know, Ryan. If I had known, I would've warned you."

"Why doesn't she want me, man?" my friend unexpectedly asked, throwing his head back. "I don't understand. It's like she's not even hurt or anything. It's like she doesn't give a shit."

"She cares about you, bro', and she's hurting too. I think it's why she doesn't come back that often."

"Fuck that, okay?" he groaned right before laying down on the couch and rubbing his eyes shut. "Roxy's the one who rejected me, remember? She did this to us, so I don't wanna hear about her pain, alright?"

"Yeah, okay," I replied, and a minute later, listened to the faint sound of his snoring take over the entire room. 

Even though I never knew the details of their relationship, as neither he nor my sister ever talked about it, I knew things were challenging for both of them. They were hurt, sad, and at times angry, but the day she finally decided to leave, I saw my friend steadily descend into chaos. 

He started with alcohol to numb the pain from his broken bond, and when drinking alone wasn't enough anymore, he turned to drugs. After a while, he had lost total control and often found himself drunk ten to twelve hours a day, leaving me no more choice but to threaten his Beta title. Only then did Ryan pull himself together. 

And so now, nine years later, Roxanne would call every time she had to come back, and Ryan would go on a mission. That was their unspoken, unofficial agreement, and it worked for everyone. But this time, Roxanne didn't call, and Ryan didn't leave.

I looked around while he was sleeping and noticed that, like him, his home was a mess, and because I couldn't magically cure his pain, I decided to help him the only other way I knew how.

I spent an hour working meticulously around the resting Beta, taking out the trash, washing the dishes, and sweeping the floors, until every square inch of his apartment was squeaky clean—every inch except the bedroom, which, oddly, had survived the Ryan tornado. 

When I was done, I turned my attention to my friend and dragged him off the couch and into the bathroom the same way I had so many times before.

"What the fuck!" Ryan yelled at the top of his voice, spitting out the freezing water that suddenly poured over him.

"That's what your ass gets for being drunk, dummy!" I replied, smiling as I watched him quickly sober up. "Now wash up, get changed, and meet me in the kitchen," I ordered him before walking away.

"But… my clothes," I could hear Ryan whine as I closed the door.

I had finished my second cup of coffee when Ryan finally joined me in the kitchen, his hair still dripping from the cold shower. I could tell the alcohol and drugs in him were starting to dissipate, and to rush things along, I gave him coffee too as he sat down across the table.

"You cleaned my place?" Ryan asked, surprised-looking as he scanned the place.

I nodded. 

"Benji, I'm so sorry-"

 "Drink," I cut him off and waited for him before asking, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about? You know Roxy rejected me."

"Yeah, but what I don't know is why."

"Benji," Ryan groaned with a pained look, shaking his head back and forth. 

"Please," I insisted.

The Beta sighed and poured himself more coffee before finally saying, "She just wasn't happy."

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly that. Roxy was not happy with me."

"She said so?"

"More or less."

"Goddess, Ryan," I sighed in frustration. "Just tell me what happened?"

"I don't know, man. It was like ten years ago! She said something about needing to leave Jester, study somewhere else or travel, and I said I couldn't leave. I was going to be the next Beta of our pack, so how could I? She just-"

"Roxy rejected you...."

"Yeah," he said with a deep breath. "She broke our bond and left while I stayed here," he added.

"You could have rejected her too," I mumbled aloud, thinking about my own fate.

"Benji, I know where you're going with this, but believe me, it's not worth it," Ryan said as if he could read behind my thoughts. "Rejecting your mate won't make you happy or even lessen any of the pain. Mating is the most important thing in our lives; it's what the Moon Goddess intended for us. And you know there's no point in fighting her."

"I know. I'm just… I feel so lost," I confessed to my friend, casting my eyes down in shame.

"Trust me, Benji, it's going to be alright," Ryan gave a sad half-smile before downing the rest of his coffee in silence. "Thanks for checking up on me, though," he said a little after.

"No problem. But if you really wanna thank me, you can come with me," I replied. "My dad told me some things today, and he wants to meet at my place tonight."

"What did he tell you?"

"It's a long story. Come on; I'll tell you on the way," I sighed and stood up, followed by the Beta. "By the way, you're a pig," I told Ryan as we climbed into my truck. "Aunt Claire would've been ashamed if she could see your place."

My friend suddenly laughed at the slight taunt and nodded his head. "Yeah, I guess she would've freaked," he said. "But did you see my bedroom, though?"

"Ugh," I mouthed in disgust, already suspecting why he kept it clean. "I don't need to know about your sex life, man," I told him as we drove off towards my house.