It's why I became an ecologist. And I'm grateful for moments like these that remind me. This is what I need to remember when I'm overwhelmed by the sexism and insularity of academia.
When I was an undergrad, I spent a summer volunteering in Guatemala. My job was to build latrines. While I was there I felt an earthquake. Nothing huge. Just a tremor, or temblor as they called it. But in that moment I felt so helpless. I realized how tiny and insignificant humans are in the face of natural forces. It didn't scare me-it humbled me. Renewed my respect for Mother Earth and all she represents.
It's unwise-not because I'm in danger, but because I shouldn't let this bear get comfortable around humans-but I step forward to get a closer look. To indulge my awe.
The bear chuffs again but doesn't move. I advance slowly, taking in every detail of the beautiful creature. The unblinking golden gaze, the tan coloring around his snout.
"You are gorgeous aren't you?" I croon.
I swear the bear smiles again, but then he drops away from view. I dash to the window and peer out as he lopes away. It's insane how much territory he covers with just a few bounds, his powerful legs eating up ground like he owns it.
I guess he does. The bears should own these mountains. They shouldn't be pushed out of their natural wilderness by the growing competition for space.
I hum softly to myself as I watch him grow smaller and then disappear into the falling snow and settling dusk. There's a lot more snow than I expected-the weather app was wrong.
Lucky me. A giant black bear sighting. I've never seen the New Mexican state animal before. I mean, outside of a zoo. That alone makes the entire trip worth it. Not that I don't love coming up to this cabin. Spending time alone in nature is my favorite thing-even in the winter. I sort of love the solitary rustic cabin in the woods thing. I've been applying for research grants, dreaming that the department will let me take the money and just live up here, collect and analyze data for weeks or even months at a time.
From the time I first went camping as a kid, I knew the wilderness was where I belonged. I ended up getting my doctorate in ecology because I care deeply about nature, and I've developed a passion to protect it.
If I can prove climate change effects on the trees, it will contribute to environmental movements across the globe. That's the real reason I'm out here in the middle of a snowstorm doing research. Not for proving something to Dr. Alogore or the glory of publication. No, this is for the planet.
I'm working hard to make a difference, and I believe I will.
Caleb
I HAVE to fight to shift back to human form when I get to my cabin, and when I succeed, I have a boner the size of the Eiffel Tower.
Well.
Now I'm awake.
And it's not even spring yet.
Because I still carry the snow and dirt of the forest on my skin, I head into the shower.
As the water sluices over my body, I try not to think of that ridiculous human scientist staring at me like I'm some kind of god. The way those full lips moved around the words, you're beautiful.
Beautiful? Not even close.
I am darkness and despair. A formidable bear. A pathetic man. And far too often, caught between the two-neither man nor bear, but something sick and raw and wasted.
But I can't stop the image of her from presenting itself before my eyes. Her curvy shape. The creamy skin. The very capable demeanor.
I grip my cock, trying my best not to imagine her lush mouth over it.
Oh fuck-now I thought it. And goddamn what a wonderful thought. My thighs shudder as I imagine the hot water from the shower is the heat of her mouth gliding over my length.
I probably wouldn't fit in that hot mouth of hers. Although she is ample for a human. Would she look up at me with that same glowing awe as she took me between those pouty lips? Like she wanted to worship at my feet just because I have fur and claws?
I shake my head, guilt shutting down the fantasy like the lid on a garbage can.
How could I?
I mated Jen for life. And most bears don't settle down-we're seldom monogamous. But I did.
I shouldn't be getting turned on by any other female. Especially not a human.
Except my cock disagrees. Even my bear disagrees-he's right at the surface, urging me to shift and charge back to the research cabin. I'm still rock hard and my fist hasn't stopped moving up and down over the throbbing appendage.
Fuck.
Well, it's not like I'd actually do anything with her. This is more like a foray into porn. I'm letting myself travel down the path of a stupid fantasy. No harm, no foul, right? I close my eyes, remembering the scent of the human female. Pleasure ripples through my body; the water's suddenly way too hot. I twist it toward cold and pump my cock harder. My balls draw up tight.
Damn, when's the last time I jacked off? It's been months. At least half a year. My body celebrates the reignition of my libido, the hormones pumping through my body. Once more, the vision of the scientist on her knees servicing me rises to the forefront of my mind.
That lush mouth…
I come, my hand jerking frantically as I spend onto the porcelain floor of the tub.
Relief makes me sag, leaning a shoulder against the cool tile. The pleasure only lasts a moment and then disgust rips through me.
What the hell is wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking anything about that human female except how to keep my bear from breaking through and how to protect her from the evil that lurks in the woods.