Trying to think of an answer, I stare at the slope behind her house, where I chased and conquered her. I've lived so long with my lion rampaging, I don't know any other life.
"We should go." Declan hops off the car hood, tossing his cigarette to the ground. "You and the missus got a lot of stuff to work out."
Understatement. As the guys pile into the car, I clench my fists. Usually, they're torn up from a fight. All healed now. Usually that's my cue to return to The Pit and pound someone until I don't feel anything.
Shifter fights, flashbacks, and an unstable lion. What life can I possibly offer a mate and a son?
"We'll see you tomorrow," Parker says. "Unless we don't." A half wave, and they pull out of the drive, and I realize as much as I pretended to resent their visit, the messed-up crew of shifters was the only thing distracting me from my problem.
DENALI
"ARE your friends going to spend the night? Like a sleepover?"
"No, baby."
"That's too bad. They were nice. Especially the bird-one." Adorable in footie pajamas, Nolan climbs into bed. I scoot behind him to read him a story. He insists on reading parts of the book himself, and I take the chance to cuddle him and breathe in the baby shampoo scent clinging to his curls. I used to fall asleep like this, coming in after a day in the fields where I worked with the other migrant workers, relieving the babysitter and taking the precious moments to hold my boy.
Does Nash even realize what it's been like, raising a son and trying to survive? My lioness is ready to be with him, but it'll take more than an afternoon at a playground and a pizza dinner for him to prove to me he should be a part of my son's life.
"Momma," Nolan asks in a sleepy voice, "is Nash my dad?"
I try not to stiffen. "What makes you say that?"
"Laurie said I look like him."
I take a big breath and pray Nolan falls asleep in the next two seconds.
"Is he?"
I swallow down the lump in my throat. I don't want to tell him. Don't want his little heart to be broken like mine was if things don't work out between Nash and me. But I can't lie. I asked Nash to and it didn't sit right with me. "Yes, sweetie. He is. He was off fighting for our country and he never knew I had you, otherwise he would've been here for you." That's pretty close to the truth. Fighting for his life, not his country, but it was his country's fault.
"Is he going to stay with us?"
"I don't know yet. Nash and momma are still trying to figure things out."
"I want a dad."
I suck in a breath at the sudden pain. I thought I was doing fine by my son, being a mom and a dad for him. I guess I was wrong. "I know, baby," I squeeze him tighter. "We'll see what happens. In the meantime, momma loves you. You know that, right?"
"Yeah." He pauses a moment, and adds, "I love you, momma."
"That's what matters. I'm not going anywhere."
Nash
THE SCENT of cinnamon hits the room before Denali. I rise from the couch, brushing crumbs from my shirt.
"You're still here."
"I told you I'd wait for you," I say. "Besides, you didn't offer me dessert." I lift the lid off the cookie jar and take another cookie.
"You're worse than Nolan."
"These are so good, I could eat them all. You want one?"
"Hell, yes." She leans against the counter and goes to grab the cookie I offer. I shake my head and bring it to her mouth. Blue-grey leaps into her eyes as she lets me feed it to her.
"These are your favorite, right? Peanut butter."
"Nolan's too, now. I make them all the time."
"He's a good kid."
Her face softens. "The best."
Slowly, I feed her another cookie. Her eyes dart over my face, filled with longing. There's a little furrow between her brow, though, when I'm done.
"Nash, what are we-"
I lower my head and stop her words with my kiss.
DENALI
"FAVORITE COOKIE?" Nash asks. We both sit on the cot, picking at the food the guards sent in.
"Peanut butter."
Nash raises a brow. "Peanut butter cookies," he murmurs.
"They're easy to make, and almost every kitchen has the ingredients."
The door swings open and I slam my body back to the wall, fear crawling up my arms. What a cowardly, cringing creature I've become.
Nash does the opposite. I peer past his huge body as he faces the triangle of guards.
"You're supposed to breed her," one orders.
"I already did." Nash's mild voice is at odds with the violent tension in every muscle of his body. He had-after turning my body to molten lava with his tongue between my legs.
"Boss wants you to do it again." Two of the guards raise batons that crackle with electricity. I suppress a whimper and press myself further into the corner.
"You're upsetting her."
"We'll do more than that if you don't do as you're told. You both know what to do."
"Get out," Nash growls.
The guards are smart enough to keep their eyes glued to Nash. He's fearsome, even in human form. I'll bet his lion would make the guards pee themselves. They think they're invincible with their electric wands, though. "You gonna do what you're supposed to, or should we do the job for you?" The taunting guard unzips his pants.
A roar breaks from Nash's throat and he starts to charge. The first guard blanches and backs away, but his friends are all too ready to wade in with their shock sticks. Nash doesn't stand a chance.
"Stop," I scream and scramble to his side. "Don't hurt him. We'll do it. Just…"
Nash's shoulders heave with the exertion of keeping his lion in check. His eyes glow a lethal yellow. "Leave us." His voice is thick. "Before I tear you apart."
"Get on with it," the guard snaps, and the door slams shut.