Chapter 61 Moving out of his arena?
61\. Moving out of his arena?
I love him more than anything, but never knew he would suspect my dignity. I was thinking of spending the rest of my life with him. But he shattered all my hopes and aspirations mercilessly. Such a man does not deserve to know about his baby… my baby now.
Once we were inside my room, I closed the door and dragged Ma towards the window. It was still raining heavily outside, and I felt relieved. The noise of the downpour would keep our conversation from him. Except I have zero chance he would come to listen to us after his straightforward announcement.
"Please don't do this to yourself and the baby." I smiled as she quickly covered my stomach with her trembling hand.
"Do you think I wished for it?" I softly whispered, licking my lips.
"None of us wished for it."
"Yet here we are." I took her hands smilingly. "Maybe this was it, Ma. There was no chance for us."
"There still is... if you tell him about the baby."
"I don't want to… not after he made it clear he is not interested in me. He thinks of me a whre, you heard him." I can't tolerate my baby being called a shit. I don't want my flesh to be abused by his own father-- as much as I craved to add it, I chucked as I don't want my Ma to recall her past.
I tried to smile at her but failed. "Not that he meant it!" I looked away as she caressed my hair.
"He is not in his right mind, Aurora. You know how possessive and aggressive he can be. You know he didn't mean it. You know he loves you." She said while I suppressed my sobs.
I just know one thing when I thought he'd believe me, he defiled my dignity. He tore me off my pride and made me feel worthless when he called me a housekeeper. That's what I was but it never sounded so disgusting until he said.
Even after I gave him my virginity, he could not say he trusted me. The man who thinks of me a whre has no right to know about the baby he put in my belly. He wouldn't care about it either since the photographs have corrupted his mind.
Shoving away every thought, I took her hands in mine and tried to smile between my tears, "He loves me, yes. But he doesn't trust me." Her head hung thereafter in defeat and I went to the closet to pack my possession.
When we appeared in the main hall, he was still in his spot occupied by his thoughts until he caught our scents. His head came up quickly with lightning speed only to stare at me. At my hands, at the luggage, I dragged with myself.
He was caught off guard. I had expected him to be because I carried nothing more than a small bag that I had walked within this mansion three years ago. It was a floral red small bag I had gotten from my mother. It contained my parents' pictures including me, a few outgrown clothes I wouldn't even fit in anymore, and a diary of poems my father used to write.
I was taking away with me nothing bought from his money except for the dress I was wearing. That too because I had no strength to change into any other clothes. Another reason was that I didn't want to abandon this dress. It was the last good memory he offered to me before the arrival of the evening and the date.
I wouldn't remember anything about the date. But this dress… has a special place in my heart regardless.
I stopped in front of him. My knees jiggled and my feet hurt. I grew weak suddenly. My eyes couldn't meet with his any longer. He was also in tears and I knew he didn't wish any of this just like me. The separation, nevertheless, was inevitable.
He refuses to trust me as the photographs hold more importance than my words. And I refuse to sacrifice my self-respect at any cost.
My heartbeats suddenly increased, making me conscious of how badly my heart was banging in my chest.
"You've let me in during my toughest time. I can't thank you enough for that, Alpha." A strong noisy heave expelled from his chest as he looked around me with a clenched jaw.
He never likes the sound of Alpha from my mouth. There was no other name I could use to call him though. Hence I stuck with it and thanked him for everything he did for me. I made sure to avoid referring to this moment as if it never took place. As if I was leaving on my own and not on his order.
"Your salary's been transferred to your current account along with leave compensation." A smile crept on my lips as I watched him look everywhere but at me. "Beta Brian will be here any moment and he will take you to your new hotel room until you arrange for your new residence."
"That's so kind of you, Alpha, but I will be better off on my own." A bitter cold look crossed his face as he strikingly brought his eyes down on my own to give me a deathly glare.
I can feel his disappointment. He never appreciated me going out alone but it is not his concern anymore. He is not my employer.
"I will manage, you need not stress yourself. You've done enough already." I politely said but it wasn't taken politely by him for he pressed his lips and a muscle at his jaw ticked.
I know what he meant when he spoke about the salary and compensation. Even after laying me off, he thinks he can directly provide me aid, control my life, and see to it that I lead a prosperous life still in his protection. I'm afraid that is not happening again.
Then I turned to my Ma, "Promise me that you won't leave this place. You will carry on with your job without letting this night affect you."
"Don't do this to yourself. You cannot handle this individually." She referred to my pregnancy.
"Ssshh, it's alright. Trust me.... I will do it. I will have to do it and I know it won't be much difficult once I step out in the world."
"But you promised me, Aurora, that we will decorate your room together. We will go shopping to buy new clothes. You promised to let me help you with everything and won't rob me of my right." She said attempting to give away hints.
I squeezed her hands and pleaded with my teary eyes to keep it a secret as always. He didn't have to know about the baby now. Never after this night.
"I am sorry but we will meet again. We will try to make it up to you when it's time."
I assured her. I could sense his gaze fixed on me. Silently he was trying to sink in our conversation. He was eager to know what we were talking about except I let him stay in the darkness.
"You will not compromise with your health, will you?" She nodded in a no. I gave her a bright smile
Giving her a tight hug, I shifted my gaze at him. He was looking everywhere except me. His face had no expression.
With lots of woes I swallowed a lump in my throat and spoke, "Don't blame her for anything. She has nothing to do with this all. Madam Martha didn't know any of these."
Madam Martha cried. I couldn't see her in that condition. But it is necessary. For the sake of our... I mean my baby I had to go.
Then finally, having sucked in a breath and holding my tears back I padded to the door. My shoulders shrunk, noticing the downpour outside. The clouds roared and the thunder made me flinch back, warning me to think twice before I stepped out, but I knew I had to make it work.
'Come on, Aurora, let's do this.' With a soppy gaze, I stepped out of his arena. My heart was weeping and screaming, warning me not to go. I could hear Madam Martha pleading with him but he remained silent.
I came out of the mansion and towards the iron gate. The guard quickly came out from the cabin by the side to open the gate with a smile and an umbrella he put over my head.
His amusement was visible as he watched me soak from head to toe. "Your car is waiting outside, lady Aurora." He said opening the small gate for me.
"I am not a lady, Sir Barrister." The man confusingly acknowledged my smile. He was young and always smiling. "Thanks but I won't be taking the car. I am leaving here forever." I said politely and walked out.
The driver stared at me but I continued going further, brushing past the vehicle, somewhere I could find a shelter for myself and my baby.
The dress clung to my skin and my shoulders shuddered. Yet I persistently forced my lips to smile while a hand of mine covered my stomach, "I may not give you the luxurious life your father could give or his name, but I promise baby I will give you all that I can offer. We will be happy together." I hope so. I thought and continued striding ahead as the pain in my heart became a sick and fiery gnawing.
Tbc…