Chapter 56: Guilty Hunger

LEON

The sitting room smelled like chamomile tea and faint lavender. It felt out of place after what I had almost done.

Lila sat curled on the oversized couch, her small legs tucked beneath her, clutching a stuffed wolf that was missing one ear. Maris, one of the older omegas, sat beside her, quietly knitting and murmuring gentle nonsense to keep the child calm.

When I stepped in, Lila's big eyes lifted to meet mine. She didn't flinch, but she watched me the way a wild animal watches something unfamiliar. She seemed curious but wary.

I stopped a few feet away, my hands loose at my sides even though I wanted to clench them into fists.

"Lila," I said, my voice husky. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Maris glanced at me, then at the little girl. Lila gave me a tiny nod.

Maris stood. "I'll be right outside if you need me, sweetheart."

The door clicked shut behind her, leaving only the soft ticking of a clock and the sound of my own heartbeat.

I lowered myself slowly onto the coffee table so I was closer to her eye level. My bracelet felt heavier than usual, the metal still warm against my skin.

"I'm sorry," I started, the words scraping out of me. "What happened earlier... when I had my hand on Zade's throat... I scared you. I scared your mommy. I scared everyone. That was my fault. I lost control for a moment, and I never wanted you to see that."

Lila tilted her head, her curls bouncing. Her small fingers stroked the stuffed wolf's head like she was comforting it instead of the other way around.

"You were hurting Daddy," she said in a low voice. She didn't sound like she was accusing me. It was more like she was just stating a fact.

The guilt punched me straight in the ribs.

"Yes," I admitted. My throat tightened. "I was. And I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to. Sometimes... the thing on my wrist makes me feel things I don't want to feel. It makes me angry and scared and... violent. But that's no excuse. I should have been stronger. You and your mommy and Zade... you're all important to me. I never want to be someone who hurts the people you love."

Lila was quiet for a long moment, studying my face with those wide, innocent eyes that somehow saw too much.

Then she reached out and patted my knee with her tiny hand.

"It's okay," she whispered. "Daddy says everyone makes mistakes. Even big scary wolves. And you stopped. You let go when Mommy told you to."

I swallowed thickly, fighting the burn behind my eyes.

"You're very brave, you know that?" I said, my voice cracking. "And kind. Kinder than I deserve right now."

Lila gave me a small, shy smile and held out Mr. Wolf, the one-eared stuffed animal.

"You can hold him if you're still scared," she offered.

I let out a shaky laugh and took the toy gently, cradling it in my large hands like it was made of glass.

"Thank you, little wolf," I murmured. "I think I needed that."

We sat like that for another minute with me holding her stuffed animal while she patted my knee as if I was the one who needed comforting. It was absurd. Yet, healing.

Eventually I stood, carefully placing Mr. Wolf back in her lap.

"I have to go check on your daddy now," I told her. "But if you ever feel scared of me again... you tell me, okay? I'll stay away until you're ready."

Lila nodded solemnly.

I left the sitting room feeling lighter and heavier at the same time.

By the time I reached Zade's bedroom door, my nerves had returned tenfold. My palms were damp. The bracelet pulsed with a low, warning heat against my wrist.

Mason stood guard just inside the room, his arms crossed, his expression unreadable. Indie had clearly posted him there before she left to get food. Smart woman.

Zade was propped against the pillows, looking pale but alert. His violet eyes tracked me the moment I stepped in. Even exhausted, even half-drained, he was a sight to behold. Damn him.

The hard lines of his chest were visible where the sheet had slipped low. It made me want to go down on my knees and beg for a taste of him.

But I didn't deserve that, did I? Especially after almost killing him.

I stopped a few feet from the bed, suddenly unsure of what to do with my hands.

Zade watched me in silence for a long moment, then he finally spoke, his voice raspy.

"Say what you need to say, vampire."

I swallowed hard. My heart hammered against my ribs.

"Why? Cat got your tongue? If this is about what happened earlier, I knew you weren't in control. I won't hold it against you," Zade deadpanned.

"I..." The words stuck. I forced myself to move closer, drawn to him like a moth to flame. "I'm sorry. About earlier. I lost control. I put my hands on you and I could have killed you. I never wanted that. Not anymore."

Zade just stared. Those impossible violet eyes with the faint silver ring caught the low lamplight and held it. He looked like sin and salvation wrapped in one mouthwatering package. My gaze dropped involuntarily to his mouth. Those full lips were slightly parted.

I wanted to kiss him so badly it hurt. I wanted to crawl onto that bed and taste the salt on his skin, feel that powerful body under mine even while he was weak. But I also remembered the last time I'd gotten too close. The memory of his claws in my gut and the blood on the floor kept me rooted in place.

Zade's head tilted slightly.

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, his voice flat. "Your mission was to kill me. Wasn't it?"

The air left my lungs.

I froze.

"How...?" My voice cracked. "How did you know?"

Zade's expression didn't change. He looked bored.

"I'm always ten steps ahead," he replied in a deadpan. "Did you really think I would let a royal vampire prince walk into my territory without knowing exactly why he was sent?"

I gulped, my throat dry.

"I did come here for that," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "At first. My father offered me the throne if I brought him the Flamekeeper and eliminated you. But I... I can't do it. Not anymore."

Zade blinked slowly.

"Why?"

The single word hung between us, heavy and electric.

We stared at each other. The tension crackled like live wire, thick, dangerous, and undeniable. Even Mason cleared his throat loudly from the corner, shifting his weight.

I took another step closer, drawn helplessly to the bed.

Slowly, I knelt by his bedside, his scent caressing my nostrils.

"Because somewhere between you trying to gut me and watching Indie come apart under my hands... I stopped seeing you as a target." My voice dipped. "I see you. Both of you. And I don't want to lose this. Whatever the hell this is."

Zade's breathing had grown shallower. But his gaze was just as unnerving as always. Cold as stone.

The tension crackled, dangerous and undeniable.

I leaned down slowly, giving him time to pull away.

"Can I kiss you?" I whispered, my voice hoarse with need and fear. "Just once. Please."

Zade didn't answer right away. His eyes darkened.

"Try it," he said finally, his voice laced with warning, "and—"

I couldn't wait any longer. My body trembled with need.

I crashed my mouth against his. The kiss was desperate, hungry, and raw. I poured every ounce of guilt, fear, and aching want into it.

My hand slid into his damp hair, holding him as I deepened the kiss, my tongue sweeping against his. He tasted like salt and something darkly addictive.

Zade made a low, shocked sound against my lips. His hand came up weakly, his fingers curling into my shirt, not quite pushing or pulling.

I bit his lower lip, sucking on it gently, and dragged a ragged moan from his throat. The sound went straight to my blood.

I was going to die because of this. I could feel it.

But it wasn't my fault he was such an irresistible man.

Behind me, Mason cleared his throat loudly.

"I'll... be right outside."

The door clicked shut.

Even exhausted, even drained, kissing Zade felt like touching lightning.

The door opened again.

I felt Indie's presence before I saw her, sensing the spike in her scent and the sharp intake of breath.

I finally pulled back just enough to let Zade breathe.

He was panting, his lips swollen and glistening. I wasn't quite sure if he was out of breath because of the kiss or because he was drained.

Either way, the dread was beginning to creep back in.

His violet eyes were burning, boring holes into me.

"Do you really enjoy courting death?" He asked, and my throat went dry.

Indie stood in the doorway with a tray of food, her eyebrows raised.

"Well," she said, her voice dry but carrying an edge, "at least you're both still alive. Though Zade looks like he just got kissed within an inch of his remaining life."

Zade blinked at me, gripping the sheets hard.

I winced, bracing myself for a beheading this time. Indie set the tray down with a clatter, her own cheeks slightly pink.

"Did you ask for permission from me before kissing my man, you jerk?" she demanded.

Oops.

Zade watched me with a blank expression.

"Please kill him for me," he said softly.

Indie smiled. "Of course, love."

Then her gaze darkened. "Get up, red head."

Shit.