Chapter 32: THIRTY-TWO

M A R K O V

The rage inside of me was unbearable. It was taking all of my control to not allow my best take over with how hard he has been itching to break free. And when I saw the look on her face, the fear in her eyes, the rage got stronger, and it almost took control.

I had lost all sense of reality, and I had scared her.

My mate.

The woman who is supposed to have all of me, and who is supposed to trust me with her life, was terrified of me.

And it was all because I allowed my anger to get the best of me. The moment I saw her, and smelled the scent of the room she was in, the blood inside of me boiled, and the rage took over.

Seeing her in the same room I was held captive in, the images flashed through my mind, and my anger got worse. Seeing her in front of the most raw part of my life, in front of my monsters, watching the fear in her eyes as she stared at them, had me seeing red.

She was in the last place she was supposed to be. I told her not to enter that room, and she still did.

And it was the fact that she didn't listen, the fact that she had to see those pictures, and that she disobeyed, was why I got angry.

I never wanted her to see them, and that was why I kept them locked away, behind a secret door that was impossible to find, unless you were looking for it.

I never wanted her to see my demons, and the fact that she did, had me losing control.

The sight of her in a cage, locked up, was too familiar, and it triggered something inside of me.

I saw myself, and suddenly, I was back in that room, with the same person standing over me. I roared to be left free, broke the strong cuffs and kill everyone that stood in my path.

I lost all control, and didn't care what would happen.

When the images became too much, and the fear and anger overtook me, I did the first thing I could think of, and that was locking her in there, and staying far away, until the urge to kill disappeared. My heart was literally already on the verge of bursting. I was scared that if she saw me, then the darkness would take over.

She didn't deserve to see that side of me.

It was ugly, and it was dangerous.

I was afraid, and all I could think about was the fact that she could have been the next victim.

I needed to get away, and I needed time to clear my mind. I couldn't think that I had almost killed my mate. My beast knows nobody. That was what Sybil wanted. It doesn't matter who it is, my mother, my father, my sister, my wife, my child, whoever was near would have become my prey.

My beast would have killed her, and it would have destroyed me.

I didn't want Jade to see the monster, and that's why I had to get her out of the room, and get away, before the darkness took over, and I destroyed the both of us.

But I couldn't explain that to her. I couldn't explain to her that i had locked her in the cellar to protect her from myself, to protect her from the raging monster, that had taken over.

She would have never understood, and that's why I was so angry. She had no idea what was going on, and I knew I was being selfish. Selfish to not want her to see that side of me. Selfish to not want her to see me the way I am.

But I couldn't do it.

Not with her.

The look in her eyes broke my heart, and the pain in my chest was killing me. I would rather her think that I'm just an asshole, than for her to see the darkness that I was hiding.

It was ugly, and it was evil.

I hated it, and I never wanted her to witness it.

She wasn't meant to see the worst of me, and I never wanted her to. But as the days go by, it was getting harder and harder to control the rage.

I had gone out last night, and tried to calm down. Tried to not go back, and release my anger on her. I had spent the entire night roaming around, until I shifted.

An enormous and vicious black lycan. Canines large and strong, eyes blazing red, standing almost at the height of a tree, and my tongue was long, and sharp.

My hands were sharp, and had the ability to pierce through anyone, and I had the power to kill.

I had a huge and powerful body, and with one move, I could destroy.

My strength was unimaginable, and no matter how many wolves challenged me, none would win. And ij just that night alone, I had killed eight wolves, and it wasn't even half of what I could do.

I was a monster, and when the rage takes over, I was unstoppable.

My beast would attack without messy, ripping out throats and leaving my opponents dead on the floor.

It would tear apart anyone, and when the anger and hate is too much, no one could survive.

I'm the reason why the people from my hometown are scared, and I'm the reason why they stay hidden, and keep a safe distance.

They fear me, and I've accepted that.

And if care isn't taken, they would expose me to Jade. That was the only thing they had against me, but everyone was too scared to open their mouths. They knew. They knew the moment my secret slips past their lips, their life would end.

My mate didn't need to know, and they wouldn't dare tell her. Unless, they had a death wish which I would gladly fulfill.

That was why the secret had to stay hidden, and I would do anything to make sure of it.

When the sun was starting to rise, and my rage had calmed down, I headed back.

The pain in my chest was killing me, and all I wanted was to see Jade, and hold her.

I wanted to apologize for scaring her, and for letting her pass the night alone, and cold.

So I drive straight to Tristin's house. I had called him, told him what happened. With no questions asked, he drove to the house and picked Jade up.

The moment my car parked in the garage, I walked over to the front door and knocked.

Ava was the one who answered, and she was not happy. I noticed how she pushed her body to block the door, as if to prevent me from entering.

"What are you doing here?"

"Where's Jade? Is she okay?"

"No, thanks to you. You left her in that cellar all night, Markov. You let her spend the entire night there, and did nothing to check up on her, or let her know that she's okay. You had someone else pick her up, and now you come knocking, like nothing happened. Jade never wants to see you, I'll advice you to leave."

Her disrespect and audacity angered me. Just because she was my best friend's mate doesn't give her the right to speak to me in such a way.

"Where is she?"

"I already said, you need to leave."

"And I asked you where the fuck she is. Don't test me, Ava. I'm not in the mood, and your fucking attitude isn't helping."

"You know what? Fuck you, Markov. Fuck you, and all the shit you've done to that poor girl. You can rot in hell. I'm tired of watching you destroy her, and act like she's the one causing the problems. When will you stop being a coward and admit that it's you? You're the one who's fucking up! Jade doesn't deserve any of the shit you've put her through. She doesn't deserve this life, and yet, she's suffering. She's already been through enough shit to last a lifetime, and you're making things worse. If you can't love her, then you should let her go. It's as simple as that. But if you can't, then fix your fucking shit, and stop fucking hurting her. I won't watch her suffer. She's not some slave or dog. She's a woman. She has feelings, and she deserves more. She deserves better. If you can't give her that, then you need to leave. Let her go, Markov. Before it's too late."

"Move."

"Fuck you."

"Move. Or else, I will move you. You're pissing me off."

"Markov, brother. You should listen to her." Tristin appeared, his eyes filled with caution.

"Where is Jade?"

"Markov, listen..."

"Tristin. Where the fuck is she?"

"She doesn't want to see you. You scared her, and I can't blame her. I can't imagine what was going through her head when you left her in that place overnight. She didn't sleep, and her hand is bruised. You can't treat her like that. You have to let her go."

"No."

"What do you mean, no? Markov. Listen, just leave her be. I don't think she's ready to forgive you, and you should give her some space."

"Tristin. Enough. Where is she? You both can't stand in my way. Move, before I lose control."

"Brother. Calm down. Let's talk about this."

"I have nothing to talk about. If you two are not going to let me see her, then I will go in myself. And you won't like it when I do. Now, move."

"Markov. Stop. You're not yourself. Doing this will only make her hate you more. She already said that she doesn't want to see you. Just... leave her be."

His words felt like a punch in the gut.

I had no idea Jade would feel that way.

I didn't know she was terrified, and I didn't know she would hate me.

Hearing the words from Tristin made the pain worsen. She hates me. She fucking hates me.

Without another word, I turned around and walked away.

Tristin called out my name, but I ignored him.

I couldn't breathe. The pain was overwhelming, and I could barely see.

Everything was a blur, and I could hear the loud beating of my heart.

My mate hates me.