Chapter 25: TWENTY-FIVE

J A D E

It's been a few minutes since Markov left and I was still in the same position, wondering what the hell my life has turned into. A little bit of guilt and regret started building up in my chest, wondering how the hell I got myself into this mess.

Meeting Markov has been the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. Because this was the man I prayed for, this was the man I cried to come save me whenever I was locked in a cellar at Alpha Dane's pack. I would always wish I found my mate, so he would put me out of my misery.

But asides the suffering I had to endure in Dane's pack, I was myself. I felt whole even amidst the storm and violence I passed through. I had hope in myself, even though I had been on the brink of losing it many times.

I had my wolf to comfort me. She was my only friend. Literally another being living inside of me who could hear every word I said, and who felt my emotions.

She was what kept me going. Sur had also endured so much like me. When I would be forcefully shifted into my wolf form, just so my Alpha could take his anger and frustration on her. When she would get beaten, clawed, and tortured, she would endure the pain, and try to shield me from it.

I was not used to this. To the gentleness, the warmth, and the affection. I was not used to someone caring about me. And it felt foreign. I wasn't used to Markov's softness and his affection. The way he would look at me, the way he would kiss me, the way he would touch me, the way he would hold me.

I didn't know how to react or respond. Because no one had ever shown me love, and I was not sure how to handle it.

And now that it seemed things were finally going the way I wanted, when my wolf and I were finally getting that fairytale life we've always dreamt about, my wolf decided that she wanted to be tongue tied. She rejected every connection from our mate, rejected every bit of communication from me, and the worst thing was, I felt empty.

Was it possible for someone to be whole and empty at the same time?

I've tried to reach out to her several times, tried to speak to her, tried to make her talk to me. But, there was no answer. It was like I was all alone.

And the worst part was, I had no idea why she was shutting me out. I had no idea what had happened, and the thought of not having her with me was driving me insane.

I was lonely.

"Mia..." I tried to mind link her for the millionth time since meeting Markov. "Mia, please talk to me. I can't bear your silence, and I need you."

Still no response.

I felt tears prick my eyes, and I bit the insides of my cheeks, trying to stop them from falling. But, I couldn't.

They rolled down my cheeks, and I sobbed, the feeling of emptiness was consuming me.

My body trembled, and I curled into myself, the pain and the loneliness was too much. I was happy, and all I wanted was for my wolf to feel the same way. Was for my wolf to accept my mate as hers to and allow herself enjoy the beautiful relationship we have with him.

"Why are you crying, little wolf?"

I gasped and turned around, Markov was standing by the door, looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"Markov, wha...How are you back so early? How did you even get here? The door was locked."

"I was worried about you, and I could feel your pain and sadness, so I ran back. What is the matter with you, Jade? I thought everything was fine. You were happy. I can feel your emotions, and I felt nothing but contentment and joy, but now, all I can feel is pain and loneliness."

"I..umm..it's my wolf. She is not talking to me. She is rejecting every communication I've tried to make with her, and she is not responding. I don't know what to do anymore, Markov. She's always been my friend. My family. But now, she is not even talking to me."

He frowned and walked towards me, sitting next to me. "Have you tried connecting to her? Have you tried reaching out to her?"

"Of course, I have. But she doesn't respond."

"Can you show me?"

I bit my lip, unsure if I should let him in.

"Love, please. Let me help you."

I sighed and nodded, closing my eyes. I allowed him in, and the feeling of him was overwhelming. It was like he was everywhere, filling up every crevice, every corner of my soul.

His presence was warm and comforting.

"I'm here, Jade. I won't hurt you, love." I could hear him in my mind.

"I know. You have to go a little deeper, Markov."

I could feel him moving, his energy enveloping me. It was soothing, and it made me feel safe.

"I'm right here, Jade. You're not alone. I'm with you, and I'll never leave you. Show me where she is, baby. Let me help you."

I showed him the way to where Mia was, and the feeling of him being so close to her was unsettling.

"She is right here, Markov."

"Hello, sweetheart. Don't you want to talk to us, sweetie? Don't you want to be free? You don't have to hide from me, little one."

And for what feels like centuries, I felt a soft, shy energy, approaching me.

"There you are, Mia." I heard Markov in my head, and it was weird, to say the least. "Are you afraid, little one? You don't have to fear me, Mia. I will not harm you, sweetheart. Don't be afraid, love."

The shy and hesitant energy, became warmer and stronger. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my palms were sweating.

"That's right, sweetheart. There is no need to be afraid, love. Come here, little one."

It felt like hours before her energy became bold and confident. She was finally coming out.

"Mia..." My voice cracked as I mind linked her and I felt her there she was there. I felt her in my heart, and her presence was comforting.

I took Markov's rough hands, squeezing it for comfort and the moment our hands touched, Mia energy became off and she immediately pulled back.

"No, Mia. He is not a threat to you, baby. He's not. Please don't leave. Don't leave us."

Markov squeezed my hand, his energy surrounding me and Mia, pulling us close to him, but she was gone. Like she was never there, like she was hiding again.

And now, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried, burying my face in the pillow, trying to stop the tears from falling, but it was no use.

"Why won't she talk to me?! I've tried so hard, tried to be understanding, tried to give her space. But, nothing is working. I don't know what to do anymore. What could be the issue? Is she okay? Is she sick? Could that be the reason? She had always wanted us to find out mate and finally live happily, and now, we found you and it's as if she wants nothing to do with you, or me."

"Hey. Look at me." Markov whispered, his voice thick and deep. He pulled me into his lap, holding my chin.

I lifted my face and looked at him, and his face was soft, his eyes were warm, and his lips were turned into a frown.

"Maybe, she is scared. Maybe, she doesn't know how to deal with the emotions. Maybe she needs time, okay? Just stop trying to force her. It's not good for her or for you. If she's not ready, then that's fine. You will have to respect that, love. She's a part of you, and no matter how much it pains you, or how lonely it makes you feel, she is your wolf and her well being should always be the most important. If you keep forcing her, you will both suffer the consequences."

I bit my lip, and nodded.

"But, that's not the case, is it, love? Your wolf was there. She responded. She didn't hide. She let you in. She reached out to you, and she was ready to come out and be with you. And if she is anything like you, then she is stubborn. She is scared, and she is not sure how to react or respond."

I sighed and looked down, not wanting him to see the disappointment on my face.

"Look at me, Jade."

"I..uhh..I think you should go. I just need to rest. This whole thing has exhausted me."

"You're not alone, love. I am here, and no matter what, I'll always be by your side."

"Yeah, sure."

"Jade. Don't be like that. Come here."

He pulled me closer, and wrapped his arms around me, placing his chin on top of my head. I snuggled closer to him, my head resting on his chest, his heartbeat the only sound in the room. My heart was heavy, my throat felt clogged, and the pain was consuming me.

"What is it, love?"

"I'm scared."

"Scared of what, little wolf?"

"What if something is wrong with Mia? What if something happens and she doesn't want to come back, or she becomes dormant. Markov, what will happen to me if I lose her? I don't know how to exist without her. It seems like she doesn't want to be with you. She feels no connection to you. But I do. How do I be with you when the other part of me doesn't want the same thing? What if we're not compatible?"

"Love. Look at me."

"No."

"Jade. Look at me."

"No!" I pulled away from him. "You don't understand, Markov! You're not the one who is feeling lost! You're not the one whose wolf is hiding from their mate! You're not the one whose whole world has turned upside down! And the worst part is, it's because of the person who is supposed to be their biggest support! And now, I feel more alone than ever."

"I don't understand, love?" He scoffed. "I don't understand?! You think you're the only one going through this? Do you think I like the fact that your wolf is hiding from me, and I have no idea why?! You're not the only one who is feeling lost. And don't even try and say that I'm not feeling the same things because that's bullshit.

"We're mates, Jade. We're supposed to share everything, the good and the bad. I know this is difficult for you, and I am trying my best to be understanding, but I'm just a man, and I am hurting too. You are not alone. We will get through this, love. Just have a little faith."

"How, Markov? How will we get through this, when I don't even have my wolf with me?"

"We'll figure it out. But, for now, I'll just have to make do with what I can."

I bit my lip and looked down, the feeling of shame washing over me. "I want to be alone, please. Can you leave? I'll just...rest."

"Jade... Don't shut me out. This is just a bump on the road. It will pass. Just, please, don't push me away. You have no idea how much it hurts me when you push me away. I'll do anything for you. Just tell me what you want."

"I need time right now. Maybe minutes, hours or even a few days. Time away from you. Time to figure out how to fix this, and make sure that my wolf will not reject you again. So, please. Give me time. Space. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure, love?"

"Yes. I am. Just...I'll be fine."

He sighed and nodded. "Okay. Fine. I'll give you some time. I'll be staying in the guest room until you're ready. But please, don't push me away. I'm your mate. I'll always be there for you, and no matter what, I'll never leave you. Don't shut me out for too long. I don't think I'll survive."

I didn't answer, and he placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Don't forget, Jade. You're not alone. I am right here. And I will never leave you."

And with that, he walked out of the room, and the moment the door closed behind him, my heart broke.

This was not how things were supposed to go. I was supposed to be getting my happy ending with Markov, but it seems that yet again, I have to endure the pain.

And I had no idea how much longer I could take it.