Chapter 17: SEVENTEEN

J A D E

It was finally the day of the ball and I had concluded that I wasn’t going. No dress, the bruise on my face and the anger I was feeling deep in my chest was enough reason for me to sit my butt in the house.

I didn’t want to see anyone, so I locked my bedroom door and threw the key  somewhere in the closet. I would have a hard time looking for it, but for now I didn’t care one bit.

I couldn’t sleep all through the night and finally decided to get up from bed at 6am after hours of staring at the ceiling blankly. I finally decided to wash my body, the events from last night still replaying in my head.

I couldn’t believe the man I had trusted with everything in me could do such a monstrous thing to me. What did I do to deserve such treatment? Was his good guy appearance all a facade to fool me into falling in love with him? To fall in love with a side of him that doesn’t and never existed?

I had trusted Markov and that had been my biggest mistake. He was my mate. He was supposed to protect me from the enemies, but he turned out to be the one I needed to be protected from.

Life does have a twist, doesn’t it?

I stripped my clothes off and stood in front of the full body marble mirror in the bathroom, I stared at myself and hated the fact that tears had begun forming in my hollow eyes.

My body trembled as the cold morning air touched my bare skin, creating goosebumps all over my body. I hated myself for also enjoying what he did to me, for not wanting him to stop.

I hated it.

I hated it all.

My entire neck was filled with love bites and hickeys and my chest was marked red with handprints. He had also forcefully marked me as his. I would have allowed him to mark me later, but not in that situation. It looked like someone had taken a baton to my body, which wasn't really far from the truth.

Markov was the first man who made me feel so many emotions at once and now that I felt those things, they were being replaced by sadness and disgust.

I had to get away from this place. This place held so many bad memories. Maybe getting married to Mason wouldn’t have been so bad, after all. This man… this man was so much worse than Mason would ever be and I wished I had known that earlier on.

I stepped into the shower and turned on the tap, water gushed down onto my body as I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, letting the water trickle down my hair.

I stood there for a few minutes, my eyes still shut and letting my thoughts run wild. The water was cold and refreshing, just how I liked it. I opened my eyes and reached for the shampoo, pouring some onto my palm before lathering it on my hair.

My movements were slow and my body ached every time I moved. I had gotten a few bruises and cuts, but thankfully they would heal quickly since I was a werewolf.

Once I was done showering, I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my body before walking towards the vanity table.

I sat on the chair and stared at myself, I felt as if I was seeing the girl I had been months ago, I felt like I was looking her in the eye, but it was just me.

Me.

Myself.

It was the girl who was so innocent, the girl who would never even dream about having sex. The girl who was happy and loved life and was optimistic about everything.

And now here I was, sitting on a vanity chair, wrapped in a towel and staring at a reflection who no longer held happiness in her eyes.

I didn't even have the will to cry. I was done with crying. I was done with feeling sorry for myself.

The girl in the mirror looked so lost, so hurt, so broken.

But it wasn't me.

I was okay.

I was strong.

I would make it out of here alive and when I did, I would be the one laughing. I would be the one winning.

"I am okay" I whispered, still staring at the mirror.

“I never knew your hair was so long and beautiful.” I heard behind me and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

I swiftly turned around, my towel dropping in the process and I saw him, casually sitting on the couch in my room for goddess knows how long.

How didn’t I notice that he was here all along?

And how had he managed to open my door while it’s locked without it being off its hinges?

“I had a spare key. I thought something had happened to you, so I panicked and rushed here, but you were fine, I guess. Sorry for intruding, love, you look great in that thought, can you maybe keep it on for me all day, please. I would enjoy it a lot, thank you very much.”

It was only then I realized that I was standing stack naked in front of him, I quickly got up and wrapped the towel around me, covering myself as much as I could.

Markov laughed and got up, walking towards me, I stepped back in fear until my back hit the vanity table. He kept walking until he was only inches away from me.

He looked into my eyes with a blank expression, I stared back with an angry one.

I wasn't afraid.

“What the fuck are you doing in my room, Markov?” I spat, not bothering to hide the venom in my voice.

I wanted to hurt him, to scream at him.

"I was worried. You didn't pick up your phone last night, so I thought you had killed yourself.” He took my hands and sat me down on the bed, crouched in front of me.

His eyes were filled with sadness, his lips turned downwards and the frown on his forehead was deep.

I wasn’t going to let him fool me again.

I wasn’t going to fall for that again.

"Get the fuck out of my room and stay the hell away from me, you hear me? I want to be left alone, please.”

“Jade, I want you to know how much I regret what I did last night. There’s no way I’d explain that would make you understand why I did something so inhumane to you, but I promise you that’s not me. It’s not within my power. I couldn’t control him. I’d managed to keep him under control, but he won last night.”

I stared at him, his words confusing me more and more as he spoke. “Who? Who are you talking about?”

He stood to his feet and turned his back on me, tugging at his hair as if he was in a battle within himself. “I- I can’t. I’m sorry but I can’t tell you. I can’t lose you, Jade. You don't know how much you mean to me, how much you have changed me. If I lose you, I lose myself too."

"But you did lose me, Markov. You lost me last night. Now get the fuck out of here and never show your face to me again. You don't know what it's like to have someone you were starting to love and trust hurt you the way you did last night. No one deserves to be with a psycho like you.”

He suddenly turned around, eyes wide. “Love? You’re falling in love with me?” There was a sudden look of hope in his eyes, but it immediately vanished by my next words.

“Was. I thought I was, but now I have every reason not to. I have every reason to hate you with every bone in my body. I would have been better off in a loveless marriage with Mason than be with a person like you. At least, Mason never pretended to be nice at some point. He had always been a monster, always true to himself and I respected him for that. But you... You. You were something else, Markov. You were everything I ever needed and wanted and now... Now, you have broken me. And I can never forgive you for that.”