THE PRODUCT OF ABUSE
KHAL'S POV
I was peeking at the window as I was watching Colden and Zarya hopping inside the car. There was suffocation inside my chest. I admired her. There was no explanation for that. I liked her, maybe the like as someone who was closed to the heart.
"Can't believe her hair is far longer." Froy stood beside me and peeked, too.
My forehead was wrinkled, was about to leave him. There were no words that would come out of his mouth, except teasing.
"Why not tell her?" Froy blocked my way. "Colden will definitely get the spot when you are damn slow."
"What did you know?" I stepped aside and was about to leave him, but he was naughty, he blocked my way again.
"You have no freaking idea how it's hard to look at someone you loved, doing nothing because you can't do something to take her. You have a chance. Damn it. Go and fuck her!"
"What? Is fucking that only matters for you? You know I am not一"
"Hell! I mean go and get her!"
I did not respond to Froy's words. I just turned my back on him and leave, but my feet stuck on the floor when he spoke again. "You'll face regret when you don't fight."
I shut my eyes and opened them again. "If she likes me, she will ask me on a date, I was in there on the couch, but why did she pass by and asked Colden instead?" I looked back at him and gave him a small smile. "At times, no matter how brave you are when she's not for you. Let her go."
I began to step and finally disappeared into his eyes. I like her, or I love her? But I was not sure if I wanted to be his man. Zarya had been through a lot in her life.
Can I fill her broken heart? Can I be in her side wherever she is? Can I be an umbrella if there is rain? Can I fix her ruined life? Can I be a wolf and save him once she is in danger? Can I be a king and protect her?
No.
I am just Khal, no more, less me. I am human and I will never be a wolf for her. I live in a Human World, she lives in the Alpha Kings World. I can not be a warrior. I have no knowledge of Combat.
If she picks me up, she will not be happy.
I stopped walking when my ear felt hearing different noises: the car racing, the cat meowing, the dog barking, the squabbling of people, the stomp on the ground, the shut of the door, and other noises.
"Ouch!" I held my ears. My hand shook when I saw the blood on it. I blew a loud frustrated air as the fear rolled into my system.
Am I sick?
I shut my eyes when suddenly, different images flashes into my head even Froy, I could see him walking in my direction. I saw Zarya, they were kissing.
"Buddy!" Before Froy reached me, I collapsed with too much pressure on my head and the loudness of my surrounding.
I woke up, I was in my bed. Froy and Hali were beside me. Hali was sitting on the stool, his thighs were crossed while Froy was on the bed, reading sexy magazines.
Did they wait for me to wake up? Funny.
"Buddy, are you gay? Collapsing is just for girls." Froy was trying to joke, but the spark of his eyes told me he was concerned about me.
"You need a dick to suck to have energy." Hali folded his arms on his belly. "Haven't you eaten?"
I tilted my head from left to right. These boys would not be completed without telling nonsense. "I'm fine." I leaned my hands on both sides, resulting in the bed dipping, bouncing up and down. I rested my back on the headboard, gazed at Hali, and then at Froy. There was food, water, and medicine on my side table.
"Why did you drop?" Froy finally talked with a sense.
"Don't know. I just remember, I heard loud noises and I could see the images from my location."
Hali examined my face, and his back straightened. "You saw people far from you?"
"Yeah. I have no idea why."
"Shock! I thought you have STD." Froy immediately concluded.
"STD?" My eyebrows moved up.
"Sexually transmitted disease." Froy laughed so loud. I grabbed the pillows beside me and threw them to him all.
"Fool! How can I have that kind of disease? I haven't made love with anyone unlike you." I slowly adjusted my body to face the right side of the bed, hang my feet, and then looked for my slippers. "Even the maid, you seduced."
"She's a hot babe." Froy shrugged his head.
When my eyes met Hali. he was in deep thoughts as if there was something in his head that he wanted to solve. "Is your mom a human?" After his silence, he asked me.
"Of course yes."
"Your dad?"
I froze in curiosity. "I never meet him." The anger in my chest began to be worsened. "And I have no plan to meet him."
"Smells a hidden secret? Can you tell us the rumor of your life?" Froy chuckling. This man really did not know what was personal and what thing was supposed to be a joke. I just ignored him. It did not matter anyway.
"You don't know him?"
I was just confused why Hali began to ask about my life. He did not care about this information unless he had a reason.
"Nope."
I loathed him forever and I would never forgive him for what he did to my mother. Even if his wrongdoing brought me to this world. I never owed my life to him. Never!
"Can you tell me why?" Hali's tone was just low.
"Does it matter?" I was about to leave the bed and went to the bathroom when he talked again, causing me to stop stepping forwards.
"Yes, you have the capabilities of a wolf."
I looke back at him with the shock in my system.
"Crap! Oh, no! Khal Gasper the handsome is a wolf? That will be the biggest controversy when the world's aware of your一"
"Fucking shit! Stop talking unimportant!" Hali cut Fyoy's lines. His voice had an annoyance. Who would never be? Froy made my life a joke.
Froy looked down, moving his head from side to side slightly. "Sorry. I was just surprised. For half of my life, I am with Hali and yet I didn't know him. I…" He sniffed while breathing in deeply. "I was afraid, I didn't know Khal, too."
I gave him a small smile. "Everyone has a secret and not everybody wants to talk about their misery. In my case, I didn't want to talk about this. I can't say… I can't… accept."
I managed to be strong in front of my best friends, but my voice told me my heart condition, it sounded cracked. This was the time, I could not control my emotion or fake my feelings. I was not in front of the camera, I was with my friends and my friends were real people, not scripted characters.
I went back to bed. I licked my lips and bit as I massaged my forehead. "I just wish this is just a created movie, a written novel, imaginary events or…I am just…a fictional character." I could not handle the bursting put of my emotions. I sniffed to avoid sobbing. "If I cry does it make me a gay?" I chuckled as I felt the suffocation in my heart.
"No," Hali answered. His chin moved up. "It makes you look weak, but it doesn't mean you are that kind of person, so cry as much as you want." He shrugged his head as he rubbed his shoulder, scratching it with his anils. "Buddies are here, well…without Tan Tan, Alisha, and Rozella. Maybe reserving other tears to make them see you in your worst is fine?" A grin could be traced on his lips.
I blew aloud a sigh. It was difficult to admit that I needed a friend. I could not hold this alone. Mom was still in that state, crying when the sky darkened, seemed like she was so sad.
"I am a bastard! You all know that. I am handsome, but I am broken." Froy walked back and forth. I almost chuckle with the word 'handsome' if only we were not talking in a serious manner. "I hate my life. I hope I wasn't born either, but I have no choice." He sat beside me and leaned his arms on my shoulder while tapping my upper arm. "I need to look forward, or else… I will be drowned in darkness…" He let out a heavy breath. "Acceptance is the key to freeing yourself from captivity of affliction and being true to yourself is the first step."
I stared straightly at his face. He was too serious and it was once in a blue moon. This was the perfect moment to tell them what I really was. To spell out what I was created of.
"I am a product of abuse… rape and yes, maybe I am a wolf?"