Chapter 68

Eleanor:

Both Killian and I walked out of the room and I couldn’t help but feel my chest aching with each step that we took toward the garden.

The pack members were shifting and I knew that I didn’t belong here with them right now. To say the least, each one of them had their part, I wouldn’t be doing more than just watching them from a distance, and therefore, I didn’t really understand what the need behind me coming was.

“Eleanor…”

“Killian, you know that I am not needed here right now.” I said, and he shook his head in assurance.

“Not only are you needed, but you are the most important member here right now.” He said, his voice softening as he looked me in the eye. “I know that you are upset about not shifting and I know that you don’t want to associate in that, but the two of us know that the presence of the pack’s Luna is always important, wolf or not, it means a lot to me,”

“But…”

“I’m right here by your side, okay?” He whispered in assurance. My heart ached as I found myself looking down at my feet, avoiding his eyes. 

My heart ached, but I forced myself to nod; however, I had to admit, the last thing that I wanted was to face any of the pack members, and in specific, Natasha. She hit me with something that she knew hurt me more than anything, and though I understood her grief, I couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if she didn’t know about who I was. To say the least, I knew that Killian lost his first love. The man’s eyes showed more pain than hers did, but I also knew that instead of throwing what he knew about me in my face, he appreciated my presence by his side. It was something that Natasha not only took for granted, but hurt me with.

Killian wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me toward his pack members, and Vladimir smiled and nodded in assurance. This was the first time I’ve been out here on a shifting night since I came. I would normally be in my room or tending to my things, therefore, to be out here was something that was somewhat surreal for me.

“Do you want to drink something, Eleanor?” Vladimir asked, nodding at the table that was behind him. I shook my head and he raised an eyebrow before pouring me a glass of water. I shook my head at the man’s persistence and he smirked before winking at me. “You need to relax, Luna, as everyone seems to know that you are upset when you are, and believe me, we get hell from Killian when you are.”

“Excuse me, she is my woman and you can’t expect me to see her upset and just let you all get away with it.” He teased, and I shook my head before playfully slapping his chest. He smirked and kissed my temple, “this is the smile that I want to see on your face, malyshka. Your tears are worth more to me than to see them falling from your beautiful eyes.”

My heart swelled and I couldn’t help but blush as I looked away from him. I couldn’t even be angry with the guy with the way that he was acting with me, and the fact that he knew that was something that I both despised and admired. To say the least, I knew that he didn’t want me being upset, but I also knew that I didn’t want to be hurt like I was before. 

My eyes met Natasha’s as she approached us, and I took a step back from Killian who frowned in confusion before taking a deep breath. I walked toward one of the benches and took a seat as I opened the bottle of water, and it wasn’t until a hand was placed on my shoulder that I jumped as I turned to find Liana standing behind me.

“I knew that something happened between you and Natasha,” she said, her voice softening as I went to get up. She shook her head at me and I pushed me down gently before she turned to sit beside me. Her eyes met mine and she shook her head in question. “Do you want to tell me what it is that has you as sad as you are right now?”

“Liana, you know that I don’t want you worrying right now.” I said, and she shook her head at me. I looked down at my feet, and she put her hand on my knee, gently squeezing it.

“I think that you seem to be forgetting that I promised you to be the mother figure that you lost, Eleanor.” She said, and I took a deep breath as I shook my head. My heart ached at the reminder of the day that I actually chose to be dumb enough to open up about what happened to me. 

“Your daughter saw me as less than she is,” I said, looking at her, and Liana frowned in confusion. I ran my fingers through my hair before looking away from her. “The two of us got in conflict right now, and I…”

“Eleanor, you know that Natasha was in pain, but she wouldn’t be looking at you being less than she is.” She said, and I looked down at my lap, avoiding looking at the woman. Her attention was on me completely and I couldn’t help but feel small in front of her.

“We are all dealing with pain, Liana,” I said, and she took my hand in hers, squeezing it gently. 

“Each one of us has a different way of coping with pain, Eleanor. Natasha tends to close up on herself in ways that you don’t want to see.” She said, and I shook my head as I knew that she would be giving her excuses since she was her mother. “Don’t be fooled by the way that she is acting. She is still in more pain that you can imagine,”

“I am not to be blamed for her pain, Liana.” I said, and she smiled and nodded.

“I never blamed you, Eleanor. And we never said that you are to blame…”

“And yet, you are giving the excuse that you can find to make me understand what she is doing and why.” I said, and she nodded in understanding, knowing that I was right. She looked up at the sky as the sun started setting.

“I know that you might not understand me right now, and I understand that you might be annoyed and angry.” She said, making my chest ache. “But when you can, do think of what I am telling you. No one, not a single soul, is going to see you as weak. It is YOU who sees herself as weak, and that is reflecting on you with everything that is being said. Yes, I understand that my words may be harsh right now, but I want you to understand that I am only saying it to give you a small mother’s slap as a reminder. It is something that you have to understand. Sometimes, a mother’s education is important, and I know that you haven’t had it for a long time, and maybe you never had it to begin with.”

“This should be a small lesson for you, maybe it is a wakeup call for you to change yourself to some extent,” she said, getting up from the chair beside me. “I will leave you to go and think of what I said, because I know that you need to right now…”