Chapter 26: The silent drive.

(Haisley's POV)

The silence in the car was tearing me apart, as we drove for hours. I felt like my body was pulled in different directions, but still, I couldn't speak. My eyes were fixed on my hand the entire time, not wanting to meet his eyes. I felt tension in the air. Luca drove, his eyes fixed on the road. His knuckles whitened as he gripped the steering wheel, his jaw clenched. He didn't say a word either.

I felt a wave of unease run through me as though it was my fault. The unspoken words yet to be told filled the air. It felt a little bit awkward. I had no idea what he was thinking, and I wasn't ready to hear any of it. What I needed now was peace of mind, and besides, I wasn't ready to share my thoughts or tell him what was going on.

Why can't I just let the past be in the past and move forward? I can't allow my past to destroy my future.

My eyes never left my hands as I gripped my knees tight trying to focus on anything but him, which felt impossible. The tension in the air played its own part by making it worse. 

He only brought me here for us to have some time together, but I messed it up or rather my hallucination, Alpha Kayden, messed it up. But I swear, I treasured the little time we spent together.

I could still hear the echo of the forest, the cool wind turned to something suffocating, the sharp scent of the forest filled my lungs, and the terrifying encounter at the cottage with Karl and his words haunted me.

“Meet me at the next full moon.”

The words kept on echoing in my mind, each echo of his voice made my heart race. Who was he? What does he want from me?

The thought of meeting Karl again made my beat faster. I wouldn't. I would never go back to that place, not after all I went through. 

The wound on my head hurt, my legs were weak and shaking uncontrollably, my whole body needed to rest but wouldn't stop thinking as thoughts clouded my mind.

But as the road stretched on, and the world outside the car blurred past, my fear of Karl mixed with the fear of Alpha Kayden. It was all so real. How I think he pushed me off the cliff? Was he still looking for me? I pray he had forgotten about me because I could never go back to him in that house.

I exhaled deeply, trying to free my mind from thoughts. Luca turned to me. The concern and sadness in his eyes made my heart melt. I didn't mean for him to go through all this, he was just trying to be nice. He was the only one who understood me better than anyone in the pack. I pray he doesn't change his attitude towards me after all he went through. He turned back to focus on the road without saying anything.

I wish I could explain everything to him, tell him everything. But I couldn't. How would he even react to it, that I was raped? No, no, I have managed to get into this pack, and I wouldn't let anyone know about my past, but my hallucinations are making it almost impossible to keep it a secret.

Finally, we got to the pack house after a few hours of driving and silence. I didn't sleep throughout the ride, my mind was too busy lost in thoughts, I could barely even think straight, the unease that washed through my chest, too many thoughts. I could not even close my eyes for more than a second. I needed some fresh air.

The car stopped in front of the house. Without wasting time, I pushed the door open and bolted. Ignoring Luca, who was calling after me as he stood by the car. I cared less about everything or anyone, I needed to be alone.

My footsteps echoed in the hallways, it was loud but faint in my ears, my heart pounded as it was the only thing that was loud enough in my ears. I made my way up the stairs, desperate to reach my comfort zone, my room. My mind is blurred with thoughts that won't slow down. The thought of running into Erica or Natalie made my stomach twist into knobs. 

My heart is heavy with the weight of my own thoughts. On my way to my room, I stopped.

I couldn’t go to my room. I couldn’t lie down. I was very restless. Too on edge. My body burned with anxiety, every muscle tense and tight. It was all too much to deal with right now.

I turned quickly, and went straight to the kitchen. As I got closer, the nice smell from the kitchen filled my nose. I reached for the handle in the kitchen and opened it. Walking to the fridge I opened, I needed to eat some meat, fruit, whatever I could get my hands on.

I took both and ate them. The meat felt cold on my tongue and my taste buds rejoiced at the sweetness of the fruit. My hands were shaking as I reached for more. 

I should not have left Luca like that. I wonder what he is thinking now or what he is facing. I am tired of this feeling, I don't want to be alone or trapped in my own world. 

Why can't I just let him in, that thing I feel inside whenever I see him, hear his voice or whenever he touches me, I know it's love. He has saved me many times, his words seem true. I am scared of being betrayed or hurt again. Can I trust Luca?

I walked forward, resting my head on the table. The food I was eating had been forgotten. The weight of my life. The past few days, the past few hours felt too heavy.

I was exhausted, my eyelids grew heavy.

“Damn,” was all I could mutter before sleep finally took me.