Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning to see a bandage on my hand. My heart jumped a beat at the thought of who it could have been. Arnold wasn’t around. He left as soon as he rested Ben for the night.

I looked to my bedside drawer and there was a note on top of it.

I didn’t mean to yell at you. Hope your hand heals soon

X

I looked at the note over and over again. There was not much to it but it was one of the kindest things anyone had ever cared to do.

I folded the paper and kept it In the drawer, and got ready for the day.

Ben didn’t come to work. I kept peering over my shoulders hoping I’d see him come in through the door. But no. Each time i checked and didn’t see him come in through the doors, I felt disappointment.

“do you have any idea where Ben might be?” I casually asked Stella.

“No.” She said looking at me, wiggling her eyes. “You miss him?” just rolled my eyes to avert the question.

“You know, many people are smitten by his looks and then two seconds in, they realise why it’s such a mistake.” She said jokingly.

“Hmm.” Was all I said thinking where he could be.

“Don’t worry though. He does this once a month, he’ll come around.

The day went by unsurprisingly boring and I went back home. I saw his car parked out the house and picked up my pace.

He was there, I smiled a bit.

“Ah, you’re back.” He smiled at me. It was a weird smile.

“You went out, I didn’t see you this morning. I wanted to thank you for this” I pointed to bandage to him. “thank you.”

“Its fine. I acted out inappropriately. I am sorry. I know you were just trying to help.”

I nodded. Things were a little awkward from there. “Were did you go” I could not help but ask. I needed to know.

“I do go therapy for my megs every once in a month. So yeah. It’s not much. I most likely would not be able to use them again like before, but...”

“that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re trying. I’m proof you”

“really?” he looked at me like those words meant a lot to him.

“yes” just like that, all the awkwardness left and we were back to our usual self. He would tease me every now and then and then throw in a compliment.

My heart did three back flips just from the things he said and the smiles he did throw my way.

“Have you had dinner?” I asked, making my way into the kitchen.

“you’re injured. Why don’t you sit back, I’ll make dinner.” I looked at him bring out an adjustable table for him to work on. “you cook?” I looked at him with wide eyes. Through out my stay in the house, I never saw him cook, and I’ve been here for a month.

“Just enough to get me by” he said giving me a large smile. “I have to warn you though, don’t go falling for me when you taste my awesome food.” He joked.

“I will try my best not to” I joked back. He was effortless. He didn’t need me to do much beside him.

He told me stories about Stella and how she got under shish skin as well as other stories.

I couldn’t help the laughs. I never knew she could be that much of a rebel.

“okay, dinner is ready. He said placing the food on the table. “get ready to get your taste buds blown” he said smiling so much happiness.

I took a fork and dug into the pasta. He looked at me with do much anticipation.

I put the food into my mouth and truly, my taste buds were blown.

Not in the good way.

“so, how was it?” he looked at me smiling. He looked so happy, bit I couldn’t lie to him.

“They blew my taste buds” I said looking at him.

“Yeah?”

“into the pits of hell” the smile was wiped off his face and he looked unhappy

“what?” he took a fork himself and dug into it. “shit, that’s bad. I put in so much effort.”

“it’s fine though, we would still eat it.” I would have slapped myself for saying that. But thee look on his face told me that it meant a lot to him. “As long as you promise not to cook again in your life.”

“tempting offer. But no. Only if I get something in return”

“oh yes you would, you won’t get a death wish.” He laughed at that and we got to cleaning.

“Ben?”

“what’s up” he said looking at me from where he was.

“I know you inly broken up with your ... umm ..yesterday. but do you think you’ll be open to love again?” I felt my heart race wildly with the question I asked.

Even if he was open to love, why did I think that he would even consider me?

I wasn’t worthy of love. Worthless according to my mum.

I hadn’t thought about her in a while, I was angry with myself that it was when I thought I was moving on with myself that I had to think about her again.

“I don’t know, you know, I spent the last 7 years being the best version of myself for her. Looking back at it now, she didn’t put in half the efforts I put In.” He sighed before he continued. “I don’t think I am ready to move on yet, or anyone would really love me. And I think I’ll have to make peace with that first “ he shrugged like it didn’t bother him.

I would have believed that shrug if I didn’t see the sad look in his eyes.

“it’s in the past now. Let’s focus on now. You want to watch a movie?”

Ben’s p.o.v

We sat on the couch together. I watched her she was honest. She didn’t lie. I knew that pasta was not nice. I had cooked it before for Emily. She went ahead telling me how it was the nicest thing she had ever eaten. Lies. I should have known from there.

I spent all afternoon following her and trying to find out what she had been up to.

It turns out that she had been dating some stupid guy one week after my accident.

One week.

I was hospitalised for three weeks before I got cleared. So while I was fighting for my life at the hospital, she had already moved on..

And here I was thinking it was something that I had done, maybe I wasn’t giving g her as much attention. But that was because I was trying. Trying to be a better person for her. After the accident, I noticed how she wouldn’t want to go out with me. I couldn’t be mad at her for that.

She was one of the most popular influences in the city. I tried to reason how it was bad for her career. so I tried to do better

I never skipped therapy. I pushed myself extra hard just so that she could be comfortable around me. I didn’t know that, it was worthless. Emily had always been selfish, but I never knew to what extent. I always thought she would change. I shook my head.

Stupid.

I was stupid for thinking that.

A part of me felt relieved for the fact that she was out of my life. It was hard to explain but another part me felt sad.

It wasn’t the heartbreak type of sadness that people talked about, no. It was the type of loosing a distant friend. It didn’t bother you, but you still felt it.

I knew I was going to be fine.

I looked over to Allison. She had a beautiful face. I started noticing such details last two weeks

There wasn’t much I could do. I thought I was in a serious relationship with the love of my life then. But no.

Now, I was free. But I’ve had time to think about it

As much as I hated to admit it, Emily was right. I couldn’t function properly because of my legs. I was only going to be a burden to her if I dated her. I couldn’t give her that sense of security she was going to need. I felt annoyed with myself all of a sudden.

I looked at her face as best as I could in the position I was while her head rested on my shoulders

It was pointless. I couldn’t see her face

I took her hand in mine, rubbing it. “Allison, let’s go inside” I tried to wake up but she didn’t move. “Ally?” still nothing. I gently placed her head on the head rest and sat carefully on my chair. I picked her up and rolled us Into the room. It wasn’t exactly an easy task to do, but I somehow made it possible.

I placed her as gently as I could on the bed and checked her injured finger, cleaned it up went to sleep.

**