Chapter 26
“Are you almost ready for the second book, little mouse?” Alexei stood next to the bed.
His Mate glanced up at him. “I have only one more to read. I should be done by tomorrow morning.”
Alexei laughed. “You have just made Armand a happy man.”
His mouse peered at him with narrowed eyes like he was losing his mind, but as was Donal’s way, he didn’t ask questions.
* * * *
Alexei’s library
Tuesday night, 10 P.M.
They sat quietly in the library after a late supper. It wasn’t very long before Donal started squirming in his chair, furtively darting glances around the lavish room. He fidgeted, biting at his cuticles opening and closing Colin’s book in seeming frustration. Finally, Donal asked, “Why am I still here?”
“Don’t you like it here?” Alexei asked.
“I love it, but I know I don’t really have a place in this house. I can’t take advantage of your generosity forever. I’m going to call Julio. He left me his number. I’ll ask if I can be his roommate.”
“Don’t leave me. I’d like to get used to having you around.” Alexei tried to laugh.
“I serve no purpose here,” Donal said with a stubbornness so unlike his usual demeanor.
“You have a purpose. You just aren’t aware of it yet.”
“I can’t stay without a reason. I have to be of some use and besides, I’m getting too fond of you and that isn’t good for me.” Donal’s face scrunched up in consternation.
His Donal was not good at hiding his reactions. “Why would you say that, little mouse?”
“That’s just it. I’m a little mouse with no earthly purpose. That’s why it was easy for me to put that needle in my arm. I’m of no use to anyone and all I bring is trouble. I can’t be the cause of more trouble for you. It seems to me you’ve seen enough hardship already.”
“So have you,” Alexei replied in a soft voice. “Maybe two haunted souls belong together. I’m rather fond of you myself.”
“You can’t be. You’re so fine and kind, and I’m an ex-addict and prostitute who can only bring you down into the gutter with me. Maybe I should leave tonight. I know where to find Julio. He’s at the only place I’ll ever find work,” Donal said bitterly.
“Not true. You can get your high school equivalency and then go to school for music, to play, sing, or teach. Kane will help you, and I’ll stand the cost of whatever you want to do.” Alexei’s body tensed. He didn’t want to lose his Mate.
“Alexei, be honest with me. How long have you been out of the gulag?” Tears dripped down Donal’s cheeks.
“A year, why?”
“What have you done since leaving the gulag besides straightening out your affairs, taking care of your staff, and setting up the house here and in Colorado? And here you aren’t even finished. You haven’t even started your job yet.” Donal’s nose was red, and he had difficulty getting his words out between muffled sobs.
“I have a warehouse of things we can look through to furnish this house and the house in Colorado. We’ll have fun doing it together.”
“It isn’t that you haven’t finished the house, it’s that you haven’t had time to assess your new life, to find someone decent to care about. I fell into your lap right around the time you figured out you’re lonely,” Donal said in a sad little voice.
“Not true, I know exactly what I want, who you are to me and what we are together.” Alexei hesitated to approach him, afraid to scare him off.
“You don’t get it, do you? There is no together for someone like me with someone like you. I’m not good enough. I’m as likely to land you in prison again as not. What if I start using again and bring drugs home? You could be guilty of having stuff in the house, and drug penalties are stiff in this country.”
“You won’t use anymore, little mouse.” Alexei attempted to sound reassuring.
“How can you be so positive? How can you risk your livelihood, or for that matter your freedom, on me not having a relapse? The others tolerate me now, but they won’t forever, not if I slip.” Donal was crying silently as if his heart was about to break.