91
Unfortunately, I had to confirm this in the worst possible way. But we learn from bad experiences, and I have learned to know myself better now than ever in my life.
This has allowed me to deeply understand my weaknesses and strengths. What harms me and what benefits me. Mainly who I should push away and who should stay close to me.
Every event that happens to us is a lesson. Facing the situation, learning from it, and overcoming it is a huge process. But change doesn't happen overnight. It's not easy to rise from the ashes, as beautiful as it may seem.
Walking through the cold streets of downtown Madrid with Christmas lights adorning the city center and hundreds of people bustling about, I can't help but feel melancholy for all those beautiful couples I see enjoying their time together, they seem perfect.
A slight smile forms on my lips as my eyes meet a boy and a girl playing with their little baby on one of the benches. The boy holds his daughter, while the young mother makes funny gestures that provoke uncontrollable laughter from her little girl.
The three of them look genuinely happy, and you can see the love within their family from afar.
I quickly wipe away the fleeting tear that started to flow down my cheek due to the harsh memories that come to mind, and swallowing hard, I continue on my way.
I continue my aimless journey, trying to clear my mind, until I realize that night is beginning to fall and it's time to go home.
I didn't tell my mom what time I would be back, and I suppose she must be starting to worry. I head to the bus stop and thankfully, the shuttle arrives at the same time as me.
I board the bus, pay with my card, and quickly take a seat near the window, resting my head against it.
Throughout the journey, my eyes are fixed on the city streets and the people walking by. It's incredible that even being away from him, everything reminds me of him and unfortunately, I can't change that.
I close my eyes to shut out the world and try to distract myself by thinking about other things, intending to wait until I reach my stop.
After several minutes, I hear my phone ringing, which makes me open my eyes and quickly pull it out of my pocket to see who's calling.
I must admit that receiving calls makes me nervous. I always think it's him calling, and it makes my heart beat faster.
Of course, I could spare myself these bad moments. But I'm so masochistic that despite everything, I still don't dare to block the number of the person who hurt me so much, because I know perfectly well that the day I do, there will be no turning back.
It will be the definitive end, and the beginning of a new me, because I'm sure that day will come.
Fortunately for me, when I read the name on the screen, I see that it's Chloe calling, which makes me forget my nervousness and answer the call immediately.
"Chloe," I greet her.
"How's the most beautiful doll on the planet?" She says, drawing a slight smile on my face.
"I wish I could say fine, but well, you know," I reply.
"Julie..." she pronounces my name with a hint of sadness. "Tell me what I can do to cheer you up."
"Come to Madrid as soon as possible," is my response.
"You know I'll be there soon, just a few days before my Christmas break."
"I know, it's just that I miss you more now that we live in different places," I say, feeling a lump forming in my throat.
"I miss you too, Juliette," she sighs. "You don't know how much I hate all of this, that because of him, you had to leave here. We both had so many dreams to fulfill together in Italy."
"I guess it was something that had to happen," I reply.
"No, it should never have happened to you, my doll," she insists.
"Sometimes..." she tries to say, but her words are interrupted. "Sometimes, you don't know how much I wish I could turn back time and convince you to come work with me somewhere else before I took this job.”
"This doesn't matter anymore, Chloe," I cut her off to steer the conversation away from a painful direction. "It's okay."
"It does matter, Julie," she insists firmly. "And that's precisely why..."
"Wait a moment, I've already reached my stop and I'm getting off the bus," I interrupted her, then stood up and walked towards the exit. "There. What did you want to say?"
Once my feet hit the sidewalk and I started walking towards home, I spoke again.
"First, I think you need to calm down before hearing what I have to say," she blurts out in a strange tone that starts to worry me.
"Chloe, you're scaring me," I complain, as suddenly a bad feeling begins to grow within me.
"Juliette."
"Tell me everything you have to say right now."
"I saw him," she suddenly says, causing me to stop in my tracks, and my heart skips a beat.
"What?" is the only word that comes out of my mouth.
"Gerard came to my workplace, Juliette," she informs me, and at that moment, I feel my breath catch and my heart race.
It can't be true, he can't have done that. There's no way he's still looking for me.
"What do you mean?" I whisper, breathless.
"Just what you heard," she replies. "I don't know how he found out where I work, but he came looking for me in my office today."
A shiver runs through me.
"Apparently, he already found out you left France," she continues, and at that moment, it feels like my soul is about to leave my body and I'm struggling to breathe.
I recognize this feeling, experiencing it once more. An anxiety attack grips my body and I can't stop it.
"Julie, are you there?" she says, but I can't speak.
Time seems to freeze, and I'm standing in the middle of the sidewalk, unresponsive. Waves of panic hit me suddenly, and breathing becomes increasingly difficult.
"Young lady," I hear a voice say from a distance, "Young lady, are you okay?"
I hear it closer this time, and at that moment, my eyes manage to focus on a lady standing in front of me.
"Can you hear me?" she asks, but I don't respond.
I feel overwhelmed, and all I want now is to run, and that's what I do, trying to leave everything behind as Chloé told me, it's not true.