Chapter 54: Our little secret - Monet

I look up at Cole, my mouth open and closing like a fish out of water. Is he saying what I think he's saying? Does he not want to forget what happened?

"Cole." The word comes out breathily. "What are you doing? What have we done?"

Cole is solidifying what I have been suspecting since the tent. I am not the only one that is feeling this inexplicable pull to him. He has to be feeling the same if he wants a repeat, right?

But why now? Why all of a sudden? I have never thought he liked me in any other way apart from being his sister.

He places his finger on my lip. "You're talking too much."

I open my mouth to talk even more, but he swiftly takes his finger off and replaces it with his lips, shutting me up. His lips are soft, and my heart is hammering against my ribcage. This is no mistake, this is no beer involved. This is an answer that he indeed doesn't think of me as his sister anymore.

In the back of my mind, something tells me that Luke and Amy will come out of the room at any second, and that would leave a lot of questions, but they disappear when Cole's tongue enters my mouth, and I kiss him back with all that I have. I thread my hands in the back of his hair, going up on my tiptoes to reach him better.

He groans from deep in his chest, the vibrations reverberating through me, and he's walking us back without breaking the kiss, until my back touches the door to his bedroom. He easily picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist as he opens the door.

There's no turning back now.

I kissed my brother, and I don't want to ever stop. All the boys I kissed before him means nothing, the desire flowing through me overwhelming at his tongue in my mouth and his hands grasping my ass. He sits on the bed with me still straddling him, breaking the kiss to nibble along my neck.

"Cole, we have to stop." I protest half-heartedly.

He looks at me, those blue eyes sending electric jolts right through me. His hands tighten on the globes of my ass, and I can feel his prominent erection through my jeans.

"Do you mean that?" His voice is low, making my stomach clench with want for him

I'm ready to throw everything away in this moment for the way he's looking and talking to me.

His hands creep under my hoodie, underneath my T-shirt to cup my breasts over my bra. "Do you want me to stop, Monet?"

He squeezes my breasts, my mouth dropping open at the thought of his mouth sucking them, how wet he made me by doing that.

At this point we are both going to hell.

"No." It comes out as a moan, and it seems to spur Cole on in the debauchery we're doing.

He peels my hoodie and T-shirt over my head, leaving me in a lacy Victoria's Secret bra that I got on sale once. His gaze goes to my breasts, and he swears under his breath.

"You're killing me Monet." He breathes out, his eyes meeting mine again. "You are fucking perfect."

I'm not ignorant to how men view me. I'm half Puerto Rican, and I got all my mother's looks. I just never want to amplify it because I want to be known for more than just a pretty face and hot body.

But Cole isn't looking at me like all the boys with lust in their eyes that want to rip my cothes off. He's looking at me with lust, yes, but there's so much more in the look in his eyes. There's admiration, respect, and dare I say love? To him I'm not just a body.

No, Cole Smith knows me, my fears and what I need, he knows what I think about late at night when I can't sleep. And that's what is making this more scary, because it's not just some physical attraction between the two of us.

He kisses me again, slower this time like he wants to savor every second we have together.

I break the kiss, and hug him tightly to me, the way I did when he had a panic attack when we were younger, and he couldn't breathe. I feel vulnerable and exposed.

"What are we doing, Cole?" I repeat the question into his ear as his arms creep around my back and he flattens his hands to hold me just as tight.

"I can't pretend anymore, Monet." He whispers into my ear. "I want you, when I close my eyes I see you in front of me, you are in my dreams, and there's no other girl I want in my arms than you."

I screw my eyes shut, knowing that this could spell so much trouble. What will people think of it? We've been raised as siblings most of our lives, my mother considers him her son.

"We can't be together like this, Cole." It pains me to utter those words.

"I know." His arms tighten even more around me. "But now that I've had you, I can't turn back. I don't want to."

I lean back to look him in the eye. "What are you saying?"

He looks sad, like this is just as excruciating for him as it is for me. "We'll keep it a secret, okay?"

That is the dumbest thing I've heard. We should stay away from one another. Keeping it a secret will only escalate things. "I don't think that's a good idea."

It looks like I've physically stabbed him as the hurt blooms in his eyes, and I swallow, knowing this is for the best.

The problem is, how do I get myself to stay away from him, too?