Chapter 38: Away game - Monet

"You look weirdly excited for it being very early in the morning." I say as I get in next to Amy in the Uber for the airport.

"It's game day!" She chirps. "And we're gonna be in time for the arrival zone. The boys need us there, that crowd is brutal."

"Are there going to be other students of our school?"

"Of course! People drive down in convoys girl." She nudges me. "When are you going to realize that this is a really big deal. My dad literally prays every night that his golden boy doesn't get injured."

I shiver just thinking about it. That is the last thing I want to happen to Cole. To get hurt before he even had a chance to play pro, although I have a feeling that if that happens, he will come out okay on the other side.

"We could've done that." I tell her. "It could've been fun to have a little road trip."

"My dad said no, trust me, I asked." She rolls her eyes. "That's the con of haing a dad who actually works at the university. He knows every damn thing the students do. Apparently kids are drinking and driving and all that shit, so I'm to have no part of it."

I smile sadly, thinking of my own father and the broken relationship we have. "He's just trying to protect you, I think that's awesome."

"And smothering." She sighs. "So, have you heard from the baseball king yet after your date?"

This time my smile is genuine. "I did, he asked me out on another date, dinner this time."

"I'm sooooooo jealous!" She lays her head on my shoulder and I lean mine against hers. "How do I stop my heart beating for Luke, mmmh? Any tips for a girl in the wild?"

I chuckle, knowing exactly how she feels. "Sometimes the heart wants what it wants."

"Thank you, best friend, that doesn't help at all."

I'm again reminded how lucky I am, how grateful to her for this friendship. Being next to her feels like one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. But can I tell her how I really feel? The feelings down deep in my soul that even I want to stay buried? I'm moving on, I'm dating now, with a guy who seems genuinely nice and who likes me, yet I still wonder what could have happened if I just told Cole how i felt. If I was allowed to be honest and open.

Mom's face flashes before my eyes. I think of the days when she would feel overwhelmed with single parenting, the days she thought I didn't notice. How she would talk to Cole's mother's picture, telling her that she got this. That Cole was a blessing, a bonus child she didn't know she needed. So how do I shatter that illusion for her?

The answer is simple. I don't.

I have to go on as I've always done, by being a good daughter and a good sister, by putting up boundaries for myself since I struggle with them.

I have to admit that the drive to the airport, the flight, and then to the hotel, is better than driving eleven hours, and we have about two hours to spare before we have to go to the stadium.

"Today we're wearing all white, with the silver cowboy boots." Amy pulls out frilly white rompers from her bag. "Cute, right? Not too flashy, but still attention grabbing."

"Yes, miss stylist." I pack out my makeup on the counter. "This team is also red, right?"

"Correct, and it's gonna be a brutal game. Don't expect the fans to be friendly either, it's a huge rivalry."

Amy is right, I still don't grasp how big it is, because when we go down to the stadium and stand against the fence at the arrival zone. Amy has already flipped off not one, but two fans from the opposing team, and I might have to lock her down bedore she lets the fight come to us.

"Go Devils!" She screams at the top of her lungs when our bus arrives, some of the crowd booing, making me nervous as hell. This is way different than a home game.

Coach gets off first, looking focused as all hell, followed by Cole, who looks too handsome to be true in a black suit with the university's red tie, headphones on his head. He stops to take a few pictures with some kids, and I don't even see anyone else when he spots me up against the fence, and the most beautiful smile I have ever seen breaks out on his face.

How the hell am I supposed to ignore my feelings when he looks at me like that?

Girls behind me start giggling when he takes the headphones off, and stops in front of me.

"Hey." He bends down and kisses me on the cheek before engulfing me in his arms, his scent everywhere around me.

"Good luck." I whisper in his ear. "And don't get hurt."

"Never." He taps me on the nose before he fist bumps Amy and walks into the stadium.

Luke looks visibly nervous when he approaches us, making me wonder how big this game really is, but he smirks when he sees us, and hugs us both, lingering a little longer on Amy.

"Let's go." She tells me after Luke goes inside.

Turns out, girl has passes for the both of us to sit in the family section, her mother already there.

The game is brutal, and I flinch every time Cole gets hit.

"I do not like this." I tell Amy when we're behind in the first half, and the home crowd sounds even crazier than ours.

Is Cole hurt? Did one of those hits injure him? Why do the guys at this school look bigger?

Maybe I should stop watching these damn games, it's so much more serious than high school.

But it's like our team comes out with a new energy in the second half, Cole making crazy plays that have the crowd collectively gasping and Amy on her feet like we're winning the damn Superbowl. He literally runs the ball himself just before the clock runs out into the end zone, the stadium going quiet as we win and the few fans that are there trying to cheer as loudly as possible.

It's greatness right in front of our eyes, and no matter how much I'm trying to convince myself otherwise, seeing him there in his element, being lifted in the air by Luke and another teammate solidifies what I have already known.

This feeling that I have for him, is more than just something fickle like lust.

Some people could say it's just a teenage crush, but I know hi m too well for that.

It's definitely not a crush.

I'm in love with my brother, and I don't know what to do about it.