Chapter 34: Mistakes - Monet

"I love it here." I look out at the calmness of the lake, smiling at Amy on her floaty on the water and Luke pushing her.

"We're lucky it's not crowded today." Cole says lazily from where he's lying next to me on his towel.

I chance a glance at him, and gulp.

He's on his back, his almost black hair slicked back, and Ray-Bans resting on his eyes. His skin is a golden brown, probably from the southern sun and spending time outdoors training in the summer. He looks so much more bigger than before he went to college, his muscles impossibly defined.

"Thanks for bringing me."

This is exactly the kind of thing we would do in our free time back home, and exactly my expectations when I came here in the first place.

"What was up with you when the semester started?" I can't help but to ask, it's been bothering me for some time now. "You were very rude to me. I can't understand why especially since we have been like best friends forever."

His head turns to me, but I can't see the expression in his eyes. I do notice the perfect Cupid's bow of his lips, and I wonder why I never noticed it before like I'm doing now.

"You won't understand." His voice comes out gravelly and soft, like your favorite blanket that you should donate to charity but you just can't let go of.

"Try me."

There's silence between us, and I want to drag his sunglasses from his face so I can have an inkling of what he's thinking.

"You've always just been Monet." He starts, a frown marring his forehead. "My little sister, my best friend. Nobody knows me like you do, and vice versa. You've seen me at my worst, and you never turned your back on me."

"And I never will." I reassure him quickly. "It's me and you against the world, remember?"

It's something we lived by since he came to live with us. He had so many challenges, especially in the early days. When I was old enough to understand that he was going through some mental health challenges, I told him it's me and him against the world. I'm pretty sure I saw it on a show somewhere.

We're growing up now. He's no longer that boy with the empty eyes and haunted expression. I'm no longer the girl who followed him everywhere, who believed I could fix him.

But it still rings true.

I would do everything for him.

"We're not the same people anymore, even though we want to be." He says the words I'm thinking. "Everything is changing. You changed. You're not a girl anymore. It's like I blinked my eyes and you transformed into this beautiful creature that everyone wants."

"I never changed, Cole." My voice breaks on his name. "I'm still Stinker, but imagine coming here thinking we're gonna hang out like always and instead you're angry and pushing me away, and I don't even know why." My eyes start burning, and I feel the tears gathering.

"And you're this big star here. I mean, we knew you were good at playing football and that you loved it, but this is different." I blink the burn away. "This is ginormous. And I'm so scared for you, I want to protect you from all the bad things that can happen."

He just keeps on looking at me, but I see his fingers twitching on his chest, like he wants to touch me.

"Maybe the way I look at you changed then." He says eventually, and I frown, not knowing what he means.

I open my mouth to ask, but I hear Luke running towards us, and he stops in front of us shaking his curly hair, letting drops of water fall on my warm body.

"You're such a dog." I get up, regretting that I couldn't have more time with Cole, and ask him what he meant?

How has the way he looks at me changed?

I can't tell him the way I'm seeing him has changed, because I know it's wrong, and it's something I'm deeply ashamed over. Especially what I did to him in his bed when he fell asleep. Maybe that's just something I should take to the grave with me. We're talking now, we're hanging out like old times. What more could I want?

I get up and walk to the water, dipping my toes into the cool water, but I laugh when I'm picked up from behind, Cole's strong arms carrying me into the lake.

"Race you!" He unceremoniously throws me into the lake and takes off swimming.

There is no way I'm ever going to beat him, but I sure will try.

He's already floating on his back when I eventually reach him, my arms tired from swimming as fast as I can.

He stands upright in the water, smiling at me, the water reflected in his blue eyes.

Cole Brown is utterly perfect, his dark hair plastered across his forehead. He's my brother, but my heart and my body don't want to get that memo, and when he grabs me around the waist again, and let me get onto his back, his skin feels different underneath my fingertips.

The whole atmosphere shifts, the few other people in the water disappearing as I look at the side of Cole's face as he looks out to the vast stretch of the lake, his arms hooked around my legs to keep me steady on his back.

He has to feel how hard my heart is beating against his back, how tears are forming in my eyes because I see him.

I've always seen him since he was six and I was four.

How I accepted him as my brother and became my best friend.

And he has to know this impossible feeling in my chest, because I realize without a doubt, that I want him.

When his smile drops and he turns his face to mine, I do the unthinkable.

I make the biggest mistake of my life as I close the space between our faces.

And I kiss him.