Chapter 24: Cutting off - Monet

I text James the next morning, asking if we can meet for coffee after classes. I know they have practice till about six or seven, so I wait patiently for his reply.

I had the best day with Cole, Amy and Luke the day before. The three of us were all hungover, we ate fried chicken until our stomachs were so full, we were rolling on the floor. I'm definitely going to need to put in an extra two miles to my route in the morning to burn off all the alcohol and the crap I ate.

I'm finally getting the college experience I expected when I came here, so all my wayward thoughts of Cole has to get buried. Not just now, but forever, and staying away from the football team is going to be the best for my family. If I do date, it's not going to be with someone associated with Cole. I don't want him to have any more stress than he already has.

His face was plastered all over the news in the state on Sunday. They are calling him the best thing to happen to this school's football program for decades. I knew it when I saw him on Saturday, he was good in high school, but now he's great, and he has everyone talking on a national stage.

I also know it's just a matter of time now before reporters start digging into him, it won't even be difficult to do it. So I'm going to have to be a tad bit selfless now, and be on standby in case he experiences nightmares again.

I'm waiting for James outside the coffee shop that we met at the first time, and I feel like a real piece of shit when he arrives with his signature bright smile.

"Hi." He comes in to hug me, and I let it last only briefly.

"Hey, I already ordered if you don't mind, I got you the same you had last time." I go inside, and the barista shows me the coffee is ready. "Do you mind if we take a walk?"

"Thanks." James accepts the coffee and we go back outside.

I don't want anyone overhearing what we talk about. This place is huge, but so is the rumor mill, and people live for the football team, so they gobble up every little story they hear.

"I'm not going to like what you're going to say, am I?" James looks down at me as we walk slowly on the sidewalk.

"Listen, I like you, I really do." This sucks, I have never had to do this before. "But I'm going to have to take a step back from getting to know you romantically."

"Why?" He frowns.

"Because Cole was right, I shouldn't be dating anyone from the football team. I didn't realize how big this is, and I think it's best if I stay away from the player." I gulp nervously, this is harder to explain than I thought it would be. "Cole and I are every close, and out of respect for him and for you, it's better if our paths end here. Romantically, at least."

He doesn't say anything, just walks next to me with his eyes on the asphalt. Does he understand?

"For example, what if we had a fight, or if we break up? You two are playing on the same team, I don't want it influencing your team or your game."

His eyes meet mine with remorse in them. "I never planned on breaking up with you. A guy doesn't fumble a girl like you."

"That's very sweet of you, but you have to understand that it's a risk I can't take right now."

He stops, and turns to me as I halt too.

"I want you, Monet, more than any girl I've wanted before.

"James..."

"Just listen, please." He holds up his hand. "I'm not even playing this season. How about we hang out as just friends for now? Maybe next season you'll see that I don't let my personal life influence how I perform on the field.?"

"I'm not going to change my mind James." I take a step back from him, hoping that he sees that as a sign that I'm serious about this. "I study Physics, after college I'm going to chase my own career. I saw on Saturday what football means to you players, and no offense, the girls you date just want to be in your shadow. I'm not that girl, James, and I won't ever be."

I don't want to chase the fame and lights. If you get serious with a baller, you give up your whole life because everything revolves around them. I have worked too hard to become one of those girls, and my family has overcome too much for Cole to be plagued by who I'm dating.

"I don't expect that from you, Monet." He looks really hurt this time.

"Let's rather end it now before it goes even further." I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek. "I'll see you around running back, James."

I start walking back in the direction of my dorm, proud of myself that I accomplished that, but also feeling like shit because it seems like James liked me more than I liked him.

Maybe love is not going to find me on this campus, because I'm already associated with Cole and the team now, what if every boy who asks me out just wants to get closer to me because of him? Like in high school?

When someone asks me out, I want it to be for me, and not because they want to catch some of Cole's light.

I love him, but I love myself too, and I need to do the right thing by me.