Chapter 198 Week one - Monet

Chapter 198 Week one - Monet
I'm an emotional wreck. I don't even think I cried this much when Mom died. Maybe I'm crying for her loss all over too, because now the two people who meant the world to me are both gone.
I can't think why Cole needs to go away to work on himself. For what even? If he needed help dealing with things, we could've done it together. That is how we've always dealt with things in the past, we were only ever apart when he left for college before me.
Why would he do this to me, and especially after what happened with James, too? My insides literally feel like it's raw. I can't do this, how the hell am I even supposed to go on with my daily life with him not in it?
"What are you doing here?" I ask Amy when she walks through the front door of the apartment, after my boyfriend who has disappeared gave her a key.
"Moving in." She pulls a suitcase behind her. "Because it seems like you're not taking care of yourself properly and you need me. We almost lost you, I'm not about to leave you so you can finish the job."
"Whatever." I pick up the container of ice cream I've been eating, and resume eating again while a documentary on serial killers are playing on TV.
Oh, my boyfriend left a letter to let me know that I don't have to worry about anything. He made sure all the bills are paid, so I don't have to worry about mundane stuff like that.
As if I care about the fucking bills! I care about where the hell he is, and if he's okay.
"Want to hear something really cool?" Amy plops down next to me, and takes the ice cream from my hands.
"No." I don't want to hear shit, I want to sit here and wallow over my disappeared soulmate.
"DNA results came back today." She beams, like she has received the best news. "Cole is without a doubt my brother."
I knew the test was going to come back positive, but I don't know how I feel about her using the term brother.
Cole was my big brother for most of my life, that is how I always looked at him before I saw his dick. Maybe if I never saw him naked with Stacey that day, all of this would have been avoided. He would be here, with me, and he'd still be my brother.
Now I'm just thinking shit.
He's the love of my life, but he left me.
So I hate him now.
Even though I don't.
I just wished he'd stayed.
"Do you know where he went?" I ask suspiciously.
"I don't." Amy sighs, putting down the ice cream and throwing her arm around my shoulders. "He said he's going away to get better, right? You must realize he's gone through a lot of shit in his life, shit that would make anyone go crazy."
I know that, dammit, and I'm so fucking proud of him for acknowledging that he needs help, but that doesn't make me miss him less, for fuck's sake.
"Tomorrow we're going out to the baseball opening game." Amy states. "You need to get out of the house, and you need to go back to class. If Cole comes back, do you want to look like this, or do you want to look like the baddest bitch to ever live?"
I know she's right. I can't stay holed up in the apartment, and if Cole left to work on himself, I should too, right?
Maybe I need to go and see a grief counselor, someone to help me come to terms with Mom's death. That would be good not just for me, but for Cole too. Maybe when he comes back, he could even join me.
So the next day I let Amy dress me up in school colors, and I'm so happy it's not the same as football, much more normal clothes like sneakers and jeans. I'm happy that I get to wear Cole's jersey, even though football season is over.
Luke drives us, and dare I say, the day isn't that bad, and I get to see Damon in action who looks really good out there. Imagine I could've been dating him.
But there's only one boy that I want.
His birthday is in a few days, would he come back for his birthday? Surely, he wouldn't be gone for that. He's turning twenty-one, an official adult. I know for a fact that he would want to spend it with me.
We win the baseball game, and I tag along to the afterparty even though my heart isn't in it, the frat house just has too many memories at this point.
"Well, hello stranger."
I can't help but smile at Damon's cute face when I'm propped up against a wall watching Amy and Luke dancing, sipping on my soda.
"I saw your game today." I tell him when he joins me against the wall.
"You did!" He looks surprised. "Maybe that's why we won, the school's lucky charm herself came to watch us play."
I chuckle, a little sad by the reminder. "You were really good out there."
"Thanks." He smiles. "My father wants me to go pro after this season, but I don't know, I kind of like still being on campus, you know."
I nod as if I understand any of it.
"Is Cole good? There's been so many things in the press lately about him and Coach, I'm sure it must have been hard on him."
I don't want to discuss Cole, especially not with a guy I went on a few dates with, but he looks genuinely interested and concerned.
"He's working through it." I smile curtly. "Thanks for asking, though."
"Yeah." Damon smiles charmingly. "See you around, I don't want him seeing me talking to you and killing me because of it."
I wave at him when he walks away, almost telling him that that won't be an issue.
Because Cole is not here.
And I don't know when he will be back.