Chapter 188: I have to see you - Cole

I stare at the brand new phone in my hand, Monet's sad voice haunting in the cab.

I hate leaving her, the one thing that makes sense to me now, the one person I want around me, but I have to do this on my own if I'm going to become the man that is worthy of her. The man that Kamila wanted me to be.

I had to get away from Coach's house. Looking at him with his perfect family in his perfect house with his perfect career was just too much, when I have been bleeding ever since I saw that knife going into my mother's body. Standing there, I realized I have just been putting band-aids on the open wounds, losing myself in Monet whenever I was feeling down and depressed, or trying to get focused.

And she let me.

She let me fuck her until she could barely walk because I had to get these demons out inside of me. She loved me when I was at my worst, she always has.

Does she not deserve better than this version that I give her?

We lost Kamila, should I not be the strong one and shield her?

I switch off the phone that I stopped to buy before I left. If I hear her voice again, I might chicken out and not do what I'm supposed to.

So I drive, adrenaline spiking my system, only stopping at gas stations to fill up and get energy drinks, my eyes not even burning even though I did get a few hits in yesterday.

I think back to Coach's face when he looked at that picture of him and my mother, the recognition in his eyes and the horror on Mrs. Murray's. And I have a real half-sibling now. Does Amy hate me that I am ruining her perfect family? Are things going to be awkward between us now?

What are the fans going to say when they find out the allegation Mark Daniels made was true? How the hell did he know, though? Why is my life such a big interest to him? Could this be the reason he was always harassing Monet and me? Was it to get more information?

I know for a fact that this scandal is still going to be talked about in the press tomorrow. The win is still fresh, and it will be talked about for a while.

While I'm driving through the night, I wonder if she's asleep, and if she's missing me. She's gonna hate me for doing this, and I know that she's probably worried right now.

I arrive at my destination just as the sun peeks over the horizon, and I switch the phone on just long enough to check when it opens and when I could go in, setting the alarm on my smartwatch and trying to get a few hours sleep in before the allotted time, but my mind is too buzzed, thinking of all the scenarios that could play out.

So fifteen minutes before ten, I get out of my truck and walk into the entrance of the maximum security prison, where the man who I thought was my father resides in. A man who is now up for parole, and who I have not seen since that fateful day that changed all of our lives forever.

Would Coach have taken me in if he knew I was his son, then? That would mean I wouldn't have been with Monet and Kamila, and I don't wish to exchange those years, not even for the Murrays.

I was Kamila's son, and I loved her, and I will honor her memory in every way that I can.

I think she would be proud of me for doing what I'm doing now.

The entrance to the jail looks ominous when I go inside, the prison guard doing a double take who is searching the people's bags.

"Cole Smith?" He asks in disbelief. "Well, I'll be damned."

"Yes." I empty my pockets and walk through the metal detector, my heart sinking more in my shoes the closer I get to seeing him.

My own, real monster.

"So it's true." The guard smiles excitedly at me on the other side. "That man has been telling us his son is the great Cole Smith, and we all were just thinking he was talking crap. No wonder there was a reporter coming to see him. I saw that headline yesterday about you and the coach."

I freeze, I didn't think that people would recognize me here, and certainly not as his son.

"A reporter came to see him?" I try my luck since this guy is on the chatty side. "You don't know his name perhaps?"

"Mark something." The guard is too happy to confirm my suspicions. "So who is your daddy anyway?"

"I don't know." Is the best answer I can give given the circumstances.

"Well, I assume you're here to see the one inside." He winks at me. "I'm sure we can arrange a special visit for you."

And that's how I end up in a small, private room awaiting my father.

I think my heart completely stops when they lead him inside the room, his hands and feet shackled, a grin on his face as he looks at me with his one, good eye.

I gulp, seeing with my own two eyes the damage that I inflicted at six years old, the black eye patch hiding where I stabbed him in the eye, and scars running down the one side of his face.

I did that.

Who is the monster now?