Chapter 138 Less mad at each other

Chapter 138 Less mad at each other

Elara's POV

"Maurice?" I called out in surprise as soon as I saw the familiar figure standing next to the car, leaning against it with his hands in his pockets, his eyes closed as though he were meditating.

He looked up at me, and his eyes brightened when he saw me. But the expression was immediately replaced with worry as I got closer.

"Elara?" He left the car to meet me, his hands leaving his pockets as he held mine. "Are you okay?"

That question again.

I didn't notice that tears had begun rolling down my cheeks again until my vision became blurry.

Of course I wasn't okay.

I wasn't okay!

I wanted to scream, to yell at the world, wondering why, of all the people I could have fallen into the hands of, it had to be the Ashfords who picked me up.

Why them?

Why couldn't someone else have found me?

Someone kind.

Someone who would have seen a frightened little girl and decided to protect her instead of turning her into something they could use.

My lips trembled as I stared at Maurice, but I couldn't bring myself to answer him immediately. My mind was still trapped in that room, trapped in the memories I had spent years forgetting.

A few minutes ago, I had been in control.

At least, I thought I was.

I had been standing there with the gun in my hand, listening to Hillary talk about the past I could barely remember. I had hated him for what he had done to me, and yet some part of me had still been listening to him.

Then my eyes had glanced at the gun Hillary held in his hand, and a memory attacked me.

Teenage me held a gun, and it was pointed at someone.

Without thinking, without fear, I pulled the trigger.

I committed murder.

The memory had been so vivid that I could still hear the gunshot in my head.

I could still see the person's face.

I could still remember the blood.

My stomach twisted, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying desperately to push the memory away.

But it wouldn't leave.

Neither would the others.

The training, the rooms, the people, the weapons, even Hillary's fucking voice.

His praise whenever I did exactly what he wanted.

I had thought my past was a blank space because I had simply forgotten.

Now I realized it wasn't a blank space.

It had been buried.

And there was a reason I had buried it.

"It's okay, it's okay." Jayden wrapped his hands around me, holding me close while Maurice held my hands in a comforting grip. "You're safe now."

Maurice's words were calm, but they didn't make me feel safe.

How could I feel safe when I suddenly knew what I was capable of?

How could I look at myself the same way again?

I wiped my cheeks, but more tears replaced the ones I had removed.

"It all came back to me. I remembered it all, I'm..." I couldn't finish the sentence.

I didn't even know what I wanted to call myself.

A murderer? An assassin? A monster?

All three seemed accurate.

"I don't want to hear it." Maurice shook his head. "If you don't want to remember it either, it's fine. Stop thinking about it."

I shook my head slowly. "Not thinking about it wouldn't erase what I did or who I am. I'm... I'm not a good person."

Jayden had said a few words to convince me just a few minutes ago that I should be fine.

But I wasn't.

The words hurt as soon as they left my mouth.

For so long, I had tried to convince myself that I was a good person. I had tried to live normally, to build a life that had nothing to do with the Ashfords.

What if the person I was now was only the result of forgetting who I used to be?

"You were a bad person. That was ages ago." Maurice said, slowly letting go of my hand.

Two questions swarmed my head.

One... Why was Jayden so calm with me being around him? He barely said a word, only held me.

And two:

"Why do you sound so calm?" I asked aloud, asking Maurice. "Did you know?"

Maurice hesitated.

That hesitation told me enough.

"Not exactly. I know I promised that I wouldn't investigate your past, but I got curious and I did. I knew there had to be a reason Hillary Ashford wants to keep you. I just didn't know what it was."

My chest tightened. So, just like Jayden, he investigated me too. And I thought one was different.

But then again, I couldn't even be angry with him.

"Let's go, it's getting late." Jayden said as he began leading me into the car. Maurice got into the driver's seat, and Jayden and I sat behind.

As soon as he got in, Jayden closed his eyes, leaning his back against the chair. He seemed tired. His eyes looked heavy, like he was struggling to stay awake.

I lowered my gaze.

"I'm sorry, Jayden." I mumbled as the car began moving.

I didn't know why I apologized to him.

Maybe because I had pointed a gun at him.

Maybe because I had nearly pulled the trigger.

Maybe because, despite everything Hillary had done to me, a part of me had still listened to him.

"I'm sorry for pointing the gun at you."

Jayden's eyes slowly opened, his grey pupils staring into mine, his chest rising and falling slowly.

"I should be the one apologizing." He said again.

"I don't know what happened last night with me and Zia, but I swear I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

My eyes narrowed slightly at the mention of her name.

Zia.

My expression hardened.

In the van, I had regained consciousness once, only to hear them say something about reporting to their boss... Ms. Ranvier, about the success of their mission.

Zia was the only Ranvier I knew.

Everything about her suddenly felt suspicious.

She hated me, no doubt. Could she have been the one who... No. It wasn't a question anymore. I was certain she had a hand in it.

"Zia. That snake." I muttered, gritting my teeth as the memory of last night resurfaced.

I looked at Jayden.

"What if I tell you that she had something to do with what happened to me?"

His expression changed immediately.

"What?"

Then he shook his head, his words firm.

"No." Jayden insisted, refusing to believe me. "Zia is a lot of things. I know she can be a lot at times, but she couldn't have had anything to do with Hillary Ashford."

Wow...

A scoff almost left my lips.

Of course he would believe his fiancée over me.

Which was fine. I didn't have any proof anyway.

I looked away from him.

"I don't want to go back to the mansion."

I wanted to see the twins, but I couldn't stand to see Zia's face. The triumphant look which would definitely be in her eyes.

I also couldn't face the twins. Not like this.

Maurice, who had been quiet all through, glanced at me from the rearview mirror.

"Do you want to go to my house?" He asked, and I looked at Jayden.

Somehow, I was waiting for his opinion. Some sort of validation.

I was pathetic.

Jayden looked at the driver's seat, glancing at Maurice through the mirror.

"Your place is too far away. It's too late."

Wait, he was actually giving reasons?

I blinked.

What was going on?

Jayden never explained unless he had to. And not to Maurice. But it seemed like the few hours they had spent together had somehow made them less mad at each other?

Whatever it was, I was too tired. My eyes were heavy.

"Take us to the nearest hotel."