Chapter Four
“I… I don’t know if I can do this,” she stammered.
He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You want to leave.”
“No… I…” Gen shut her eyes and decided honesty was the best approach. “I can’t do this without you telling me at least one thing about yourself. I can’t… have sex with someone I don’t know,” Gen explained.
Matteo pulled his knees up to his chest. “I told you at the bar I am not looking for sex. I’ve had a rough couple of… years,” he said with a weighted sigh. He looked up at her and his hazel eyes shown gold in the light from the lamp beside him. “I just want you to lie with me. Maybe let me hold you so I can get a few hours of sleep.”
“That’s… somehow even more intimate? Please? One thing.”
Matteo inhaled and his fists tightened before he let out the breath and loosened his grip. His eyes met hers. “My mother and brother’s funerals were today.”
“Oh.. Oh my God I’m…”
He held his hand up. “It’s okay. Just come and lay down, please,” he said. He held up the blanket on her side.
Her side? Gen’s heart began to ricochet against her ribcage as she took the few remaining steps toward his bed.
“Don’t you want to know something about me?” she asked, stalling as she stepped up to the edge of the bed.
Matteo slid down until most of his chest was secured beneath the blanket. He put his left arm behind his head and looked up at her with heavy lids. “I want to know many somethings about you but I’ll settle for one,” he agreed.
Gen thought for a moment, trying to find something on the same personal level that he’d revealed. “My little sister is getting married tomorrow. Is that good enough?”
Again Matteo held up the blanket for her to get in. She took a deep breath and slid into the comfortable cloud that was his king-sized bed. The silk sheets felt sublime on her smooth legs. She stretched them out and slid them back, reveling in the feeling. Then her toes brushed the coarse hair of his leg and she froze.
“Don’t be shy now, you’re wearing my underwear for Christ’s sake,” Matteo murmured.
Before she could argue, he maneuvered his body to be closer to her. His right arm dropped behind her and pulled her against his hot skin. She gasped and her hand fell on his chest while he dragged her up his side. He nudged her head to the crook of his shoulder and chest. He let out a long breath as she readjusted herself to be more comfortable.
“I’m actually wearing my own underwear,” she added to break the awkward tension she felt pressed up against his hard body.
“Even better,” he mumbled into the top of her hair.
A few moments of silence passed but she knew he wasn’t asleep. She’d yet to relax and fidgeted with the sheets between her fingers. Meanwhile, his fingers skimmed over her hair and down her back.
“My mom died when I was fourteen,” she said without thinking. He stiffened underneath her and his fingers stilled along her spine.
“My name really is Matteo,” he supplied.
“We don’t have to keep a tally of who shares what,” she reassured him. He hummed above her and she swore she could feel his lips grazing her forehead. Her fingers combed through the short hair of his chest. “You… You can cry… if you want. It sounds silly but it really helped me a lot. At first I was in so much shock but when I finally let the pain out, it became easier to move forward.”
“I don’t cry.”
“Right, I was just saying, in case you…”
“I am not going to cry,” he repeated.
“Okay… goodnight then.”
“Good night.”
With the rhythmic brushing of his fingers over her hair and the heat of his body seeping into hers, Gen found herself being pulled into sleep much faster than she thought possible. Not much later though, she woke up to the skin beneath her shaking slightly. She blinked a few times, trying to get her bearings. She stilled when she realized her hair had dampened. Gen wondered if she should ignore it. Surely a grown man who brought a woman home to share his bed didn’t want said woman to see him so vulnerable?
Gen was brought back to the night when her mother’s death finally became real to her. She sobbed uncontrollably. Air would refuse to inflate her lungs as the sobs were so intense and long. She’d nearly passed out until her father burst in the room and held her with a desperate grip. He hadn’t even needed to say anything. All he did was hold her and allowed her to feel her grief in all its horrendous power until the sobs forced her to sleep.
Gen took a chance. She pushed herself up, ignoring his tightening grip on her to stay down. She rolled over until she was straddling his hips. Matteo turned his face away. Refusing to back down, Gen placed both hands against his cheeks and forced his head back to face her. His eyes were swollen, bloodshot, heavy. He’d been crying for a long time. He bit his lower lip, trying to stifle the ragged nature of his breathing.
Gen leaned forward and clasped her arms tightly around his neck. A moment later he rose up and wrapped his arms around her back. He held her tightly. Her chest was crushed against his, making it hard to breathe. He buried his face in her neck as his cries turned to sobs. His fingers dug into her back, desperately trying to find purchase in a world turned upside down. She matched his vice-like grip, letting him know she was there to anchor him. Matteo cried into her shoulder until his hoodie became soaked in his tears. Even after they subsided, she continued to hold him. At some point she fell asleep against his shoulder.