Chapter 71: Chapter Thirty-Four Part One - Michael
\[Author's Note: This is a reminder, that if you have made this far into the saga and have not read the previous books, especially the spin-off novella Whole Again, which is located under the A Queen Among Alphas title, now is a good time to do so, otherwise the events of these next two uploads will be missing extensive context\]
Turning off the bathroom tap, I stare at my reflection in the mirror, watching the water droplets slowly run down my face and gather in my short, boxed beard. The only thing stopping me from spitting on the image in front of me is the awareness that this isn’t my bathroom. I look down, unable to stomach looking at the person staring back at me as the sounds of laughter and conversation travel from down the hall, taunting me.
I don’t know why the fuck I agreed to come to this stupid dinner. I don’t know why everyone thought having a morose motherfucker as a fifth wheel was a good fucking idea. I should have just stayed home, drowning my sorrows in Tezus. If I’m lucky enough, the drowning will lead to death.
“That might be why they invited you. They’re worried about what you’ll do if you’re left alone,” sadly murmurs my wolf spirit, Norayr.
“So instead of being miserable and alone, I get to be miserable in front of two happy couples, which only makes me feel worse. The only way my luck could get any worse is if a meteor came right at me and just managed to miss by an inch,” I gripe.
I watch through my mind as Norayr sighs and lays his head down on his paws. “They meant well, but I agree this was not a great idea. I’m not enjoying this either,” he sympathises listlessly.
Seeing Norayr as lifeless and miserable as I makes me feel worse. He used to be an exuberant wolf who always made me laugh, now he’s just…empty. I feel like he’s holding onto life just for my sake, prolonging his suffering, and worst of all, there’s nothing I can do to help him. I can’t even help myself. We’re both just slowly withering away. His once luxurious, thick coat of soorj-coloured fur is now a matted mess, and I’m not looking any better. My latte toned skin has become dull and ashen, dark circles surround my dark brown eyes, making them look hollow and my dark black curls no longer frame my face or sit neatly on the back of my neck, but instead, are oily, knotted clumps that look like someone scooped dirt off the forest floor and dumped it onto my head.
“Michael? Is everything okay?” Landry’s concerned voice forces its way through the pack link, and I wonder how long I’ve been in the bathroom wallowing in self-pity.
“I’ll be out in a second,” I respond.
Is everything okay? How the fuck does he expect me to answer that? Shit hasn’t been okay in a long fucking time, and it never will be again.
I grab one of the hand towels and dry my face. I give my neck a crack and make my way back to the kitchen, where everyone is sitting around the table enjoying the rest of dinner. As I sit back down, I’m met with three pairs of sympathetic eyes and one frustrated pair. I take my seat at the head of the table – or the singles spot – and glance at my plate. I realise everyone is almost finished with dinner and I’ve barely put a dent in it. I feel bad for wasting food when Landry went to the trouble of making it, but I just don’t have much of an appetite these days.
“Jennifer and Landry were just telling us about how Eren has gotten into Uno lately and has been thrashing the both of them,” my sister laughs, wrapping her arm around the waist of her animai, making my stomach churn.
“Getting beaten by a five-year-old, huh?” I respond, trying not to sound as disinterested as I am.
Landry chuckles, shaking his head. “Thankfully, I’m not a sore loser, and he’s not a sore winner. I’m just happy whenever he discovers something he’s good at,” he says with a sincere smile, sipping of his wine.
“Maybe he’ll be a strategist or a mathematician,” I muse.
I take a sip of my drink, trying my best to ignore the way Nare and her newly found animai, István, keep looking at each other like lovesick teenagers. At least Landry and Jennifer are compassionate enough people that they keep the PDA to a minimum around me. Can’t say the same for my little sister. Am I happy my sister found her animai? Of course, I am, I’m not a monster. But do I wish she’d have the fucking decency not to fucking flaunt it in front of me? You’re Gods’ damn right.
Nare was fortunate enough to find her animai at the Autumnal Ball a few months ago, and they wasted no time sealing the deal. Believe it or not, I actually like the guy. István Horváth is nice, polite, humble, but strong and confident, and most importantly, he adores my sister. He’s thirty-two, 6 feet, bald with a lengthy – though well-maintained – dark brown beard, brown eyes, light olive skin and a slight muscular build with arms covered in tattoos. When I learned he was from the Istenyanya Pack, located in Heves, Hungary, I immediately assumed my sister would move to his pack, simply because Hungary is much closer to Armenia than the United States is, and that’s where our mother’s birth pack is. I thought she might jump at the chance to be closer to Mum’s side of the family, but I was wrong. Nare and István went straight from the ball to his pack, packed up his stuff and had him moved to Invictus in a week.
I’m happy my sister is happy, but her lack of consideration regarding my feelings is pulling on my last fucking nerve. István has more compassion than my own fucking sister does. I can tell he just wants to shower her with affection, and I don’t blame him, but even he tries to tone it down around me.
“I just want him happy,” Jennifer chirps, sharing a warm smile with Landry.
Seeing the way they smile at each other is like having someone punch a hole through my chest. I just can’t stomach it.
“Oh my Goddess, Michael. You seriously need to get over this like yesterday,” Nare suddenly snaps, her face etched with frustration.
“Nare,” Jennifer chastises, her expression one of shock and reproach.
Nare doesn’t pay her any attention, keeping her eyes on me.
I sit back in my chair, my eyes on my sister as I intertwine my fingers and lay my hands over my lap. “If you have something to say to me, say it.”
“It’s been months, and you are getting more miserable by the day. Why are you still letting this get to you? She wasn’t your animai, and if you ask me, karma finally hit her and gave her what she deserved,” she declares haughtily.
Everyone falls silent, the only sound left filling the room is the beating of five hearts, but that’s all drowned out by the growl rumbling in my chest and the snarl coming from Norayr in my mind. He’s up on all fours, his lips pulled back as he bears his canines, showing more signs of life than I’ve seen from him in ages. I can feel my eyes burning, glowing as Norayr’s spirit pushes to the surface.
“Bébi…I love you, but that was an incredibly fucked up thing to say,” István grimaces in his thick Hungarian accent.
Nare blinks at him in surprise, clearly not expecting him to call her out. If I weren’t so disgustingly furious right now, I’d probably be impressed, but it is taking all of my willpower not to reach across this table and make Nare regret her words.
I slowly stand up, placing my hands on the edge of the table, leaning forward as I glare at my sister. “I don’t know when it happened, Nare, but at some point you became a bigger, more cold-hearted bitch than Jane ever was,” I growl, the wood of the table cracking under my grip as Nare looks back at me in shock.
“Michael, I think we all just need to take a breath,” interjects Landry, attempting to play mediator, but we’re way past that now.
“I have been there for you and looked after you since the day you were born. I was there for you every day when you were sick, and never once did I stop trying to pull you out of the depths of your depression. I did that because I love you. I love you so much, I rejected my own animai. I ripped apart my own fucking soul out of loyalty to you and what the fuck did you do for me in return?” I seethe in a low voice.
Nare gulps, and I can hear her heart beating furiously. If she has a response, I don’t want to hear it. I’m done hearing another word fall off that bitter tongue of hers.
“While I was going through the worst fucking agony of my life, instead of compassion or sympathy, all you did was gloat and praise me for hurting Jane. You never fucking cared that I was hurting too.” I hold onto my rage to stop the tears from coming to the surface as the mere mention of Jane’s name has Norayr whimpering and my soul aching painfully. “Do you have any fucking idea how painful it is to see the person you were meant for almost every day and not be with them? I thought maybe now that you’d found your animai, you might have the slightest idea, but I was fucking wrong,” I laugh bitterly.
“I think you’re taking this a bit too far,” István chimes, now coming to Nare’s defence.
“Really? Because I’ve had to listen to my baby sister talk shit about my animai constantly for five fucking years and I never said a word. So no, I’m not taking this too far. I’m just saying what I should have said a long time ago,” I argue back, turning my attention back to my sister. “Jane was a shallow girl who said and did dumb shit never thinking or understanding of how it hurt others, but to her credit, when she figured it out she chose to grow as a person and make up for it. She never stopped or faltered in her decision to be better, to the point she sacrificed her life for me,” I choke, the tears unable to be held back as I replay the day on the battlefield when Jane and her wolf, Amber, gave their lives to protect me and Norayr.
Norayr lets out a howl of anguish in my mind as he, too, relives the memory. She wasn’t capable of a partial shift and shouldn’t have been anywhere near the field. She was supposed to be at the packhouse with everyone else, not in the fight, but instead, she went against Alpha Amelia and made sure she was on that field…for me. She took the risk for me, and when my life was on the line, she put hers in my stead. I had rejected her, ignored her, refused to give her a chance, even though my soul and wolf were screaming for me to, and in the end, she sacrificed everything for me.
I have replayed that moment a million times in my mind. I’ve replayed the last five years over and over, wondering if things could have turned out differently. With each year, I watched from a distance as Jane became a softer, kinder person. I saw the smile she forced on her face, and it killed me every single day. It got harder and harder not to reach out to her, to just talk to her and see if maybe we could make this work, but my loyalty to my sister kept me from doing so. Now I wonder, had I just given in sooner, maybe she never would have been there that day, and she’d still be here.
The sounds of a sniffle grab my attention. I glance and see tears streaming down Jennifer’s cheeks as Landry holds her close to comfort her. Jane had been horrible to Jennifer just as much as she was to my sister, and not only did Jennifer forgive Jane once she apologised to her for all she had done, but the two even became good friends, which pissed my sister off. Jennifer could forgive Jane, but Nare never could. Not even for me.
“Have you ever thought about that?” I rasp, staring down at my flesh and blood with nothing but contempt. “Had Jane not selflessly given up her own life, I WOULDN’T EVEN FUCKING BE HERE!” I scream at her, making her lean back as her bottom lip wobbles. “My animai is fucking gone, I’m in hell, and you can’t summon a shred of compassion for your own brother enough to keep your fucking mouth shut. You gripe and you gripe, even now that she’s gone, not caring how much you’re hurting me and then to twist the knife, you flaunt your bond in front of me. I gave up my happiness for you and you can’t even act like a decent fucking sister,” I fume, my face contorted in disgust. “Jane was a bitch, but she learned, matured, and became a beautiful person inside and out. You, however, know exactly how it feels to be hurt by someone else and instead of it making you a kinder more compassionate person, it has made you a nasty, bitter, bitch who would rather see her own brother suffer just so she can bask in her hatred for someone else,” I accuse in a low voice as I stand up straight.
With nothing more to say to her and not wanting to hear the excuses or arguments she has tucked away, I turn and storm out of Landry and Jennifer’s house, slamming the door behind me. I breathe in the frosty winter air, feeling it sting my lungs as my breath turns to fog before my eyes. I step off the porch, putting up a mental block, and make my way into the woods, placing as much distance between me and my sister as possible.